Earthquake Appeal

[Sir Colby-Tit]

A Major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Knowle West

in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre near the Chip Shop.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering

"Faaackinell". The earthquake decimated the area causing

approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of

mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond

repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many

locals were woken well before their giros arrived.

GWR reported that hundreds of residents were confused and

bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that

something interesting had happened in Bristol. One resident,

Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a

shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom

crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept

through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and

watching Trisha the next morning." Apparently looting, muggings and

car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red

Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny delight to

the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still

searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of

personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from

Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Pound land.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for

those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing

is most sought after - items most needed include: Fila or Burberry

baseball caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits

(female), White sport socks, Rockport boots and any other items

usually sold in Primark. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but

are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include: Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans,

Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. £2 buys

chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys B&H

and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.