The Right Honourable Les Q

Think he said "Mid-table" just then - things are looking up!

The boss hasn't mentioned transition, or pillars, or anything that relevant yet. What about Cotterill, man. Say something about Cotts!

And a word from the top man! Get out on the pitch, man. Tell us we won't be relegated!

Now, the Praise Singer! We need one of these in the East End-but not in the Williams, thank you...

Totally inappropriate opportunistic, anti-capitalist, commie propaganda rubbish by the bloke from Cuba. Shocking. What do you think, Alan Shearer??

Ref! Time's up! Blow your bloody whistle!!

Bloody commie speaking now

And as for Winnie ... think I will leave her to it today, if that's okay

Making me home-sick John! Say hello to Neville for me while you're there...

PA announcer telling the kiddies to stay off the pitch...or they get blasted by the white supremicists tanks, waiting outside. Or did I hear that wrong just then?

And I hope that randy saxophone player kept his hands to himself, or at least, on his saxophone

The seating arrangements have caused a bit of a stir, John. Haven't spotted the "D" myself, yet. Is it raining back in Banes?

Can you tape it for me, "Port"? Like to see the highlights when I fly back into Lulsgate tomorrow....

Think this'll be called off any minute now. The rain is unforgiving! Be rearranged for Tuesday next week...

I still haven't met a nice South Africaan, but there's time yet. Can't see that big Terrible Blancmange bloke anywhere, although that might be stretching the forgiveness a bit far for some. Plus, he is dead, mind...

The Chinese delegation having their tuppence worth now, but no one is listening. Takeaway the Chinese bloke!

We could have done with Dave Floyd here, out on the park, with some of his half-baked "entertainment" during the longer speeches...probably a bit wet for him. Health & Safety might have prohibited this...

Just waiting for the official attendance to be announced....I believe one or two season ticket holders have stayed home, because of the weather today

Plenty of singing and dancing going on here in Joburg. Mike Gatting will be impressed, no doubt...

Barack O'Bama, or BOB, as he's popularly known, of course, wittering on now. Playing to the crowd. Want this to finish now, so we can get started on the buffet. Going to catch a few words with Dubya, hopefully...

Got the SOD botherers doing their bit, now. Think I'll just nip out to the gents...

Just whispered to Dessie, "Whats reckon on Saturday, 1:0 City, or maybe a 2:2?" Pissed himself, he did, bless him. Top bloke. Top, top bloke, actually

Some bloke droning on a bit, now. Probably stalling, while they try to get the punters in and fill these orange seats...and for Steve and his Botswana mob to get here. Come on Steve...

Woops! National anthem now.

It's a real "Who's who" of world leaders here today. "Who's that?" I just asked the bloke behind me. "That's Goodluck Jonathan, President of Nigeria," I was told, by a short arse bloke that looked like that short arse bloke out of that U2 pop group. Wonder if Cotts will be "Goodluck Steven," or "Noluck Sean" like poor old SOD?