bert tann

Another day and another embarrassing own goal by Rovers. The new owners are very nice people but they don't seem to understand there is a limit to the number of "faithful" who will put up with this kind of shambles and those "faithful" are an ageing group which is not large enough to sustain a football club above league 1 level. There are rumours in the wind that the American financial services company TIAA will be financing the stadium build. But with Rovers inadequate capitalisation and no attempt at a professional business strategy it can only be a matter of time before ownership reverts to the UWE .

His foot slipped, it could have happened to anyone. And he was only in the Black Swan helping the landlord to empty his barrels.

Don't forget the £12 000 we paid to bring Alfie Biggs back from Preston in 1962. That was 12% of the Jimmy Greaves' £99 999 record transfer fee so if Pogba is worth £90 million today then using the same yardstick Alfie would be worth £10.8 million or about the same as your Kodja fellow. Unfortunately we cannot use that yardstick because, although the finance is in place, the feasibility study has not yet been completed. Older OTIBers may or may not concur with my view that Harry Kane is the modern day equivalent of Alfie. But they will certainly agree that the rivalry between our clubs was more civilised in those days and I can only apologise for the disgraceful comments by a supposed Rovers supporter about a Bristol City WFC player. This trait of reveling in malicious abuse is not solely aimed at you reds either because the sneering at clubs like Yeovil Town and the attempted bullying of Wycombe Wanderers goes hand in hand with the vicious disrespect shown to our former managers as exemplified by the "Oldgas" post quoted earlier in this thread. I pray that one day the true Rovers spirit of sportsmanship will return. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/obituaries/alfie-biggs-footballer-known-as-the-baron-7718496.html

How can Samir be in two places at once ?

It's not about me though is it ? It's about Rovers and how we still keep serving up absurdities like this for City fans to mock and for the wider community to gaze in amazement at. This was a widely publicised media presentation offering an opportunity to project an exciting vision of Rovers' future and to showcase the professionalism and passion which we hope will attract neutrals to our cause. And what we got was a bumbling stumbling interview with an owner who came across as weak and woolly and had clearly done no preparation whatsoever. In the background we heard an audience containing a number of giggling misfits some of whom were questioned later and merrily dropped a series of clangers which demonstrated the intellectual level to which many fans have sunk after years of oppression at the Mem. As Danny said himself, in a post earlier, this is not intended to be a snobbish or unkind comment it's just a statement of how any reasonably intelligent supporter of any football club would feel after hearing the radio programme. Yes, Wael comes across as a kind and courteous man and yes in some ways his gentle humility is attractive and preferable to the bombasity of Nicholas. But why does he allow this tawdry amateurish image of Rovers to continue and when is he going to demonstrate that he has the experience, character and ability to lead a professional football club ? We didn't get any straightforward answers about the UWE Stadium but at least we did get a revealing interview with a friend of the President who had clearly read my post on here about a rich kid being bought a new toy train set to play with.

Danny, I'm surprised at that admission. Any true Gashead will tell you that once a site has been selected, design completed, planning permission obtained and finance put in place. The next logical step is to do a feasibility study

From the Book of Revelation And on the eighth day the people were summoned to the tabernacle to hear the great redeemer speak He told of the false covenant of the syrup of figs and the multitudes did hiss and spit like vipers Thereof the redeemer did say “fear not for I come from the east, with wise men carrying tablets, to part the red sea and lead ye to the land of milk and honey where ye may kick the ass till the judgment day cometh” and the people did rejoice and their spirits were soothed. But no sooner had the soothing begun then low and behold a dark cloud descended over the tabernacle and a messenger appeared and bowed before the great redeemer saying “my lord the learned men of the temple proclaim ye are not a redeemer but a deferrer and ye have not produced the fifty pieces of silver they were promised so the land of milk and honey has become a forbidden paradise and you and your followers must return to the wilderness until a true saviour appears”. On hearing this the great redeemer flung himself at the mercy of the multitudes, begging forgiveness, casting off his fine robes of blue and white linen and clothing himself in sack cloth and ashes saying “I come not to be like david gold or because oldfrankincensed or to get my picture in the daily mirror but because I love football and perhaps one day someone will donate the cash to buy Rovers a new ground so please don’t be unkind to me it was only a bit of fun. And as the heavens opened (no refunds allowed) there came forth from the throng of specially invited guests a chosen disciple who bowed before the great redeemer and sayeth “ oh master we are your faithful and true followers who will believe anything you tell us so please don’t pretend you have no money or means to build a new ground and just get on with buying up all the available commercial land in Bristol so we can have the stadium and training centre as well as our own state of the art asylum. Ahem

1961 was a momentous year which witnessed the Bay of Higgs invasion, the birth of Peter Beardsley and Yuri Gagarin achieving worldwide fame by becoming the first man not to bid for Bristol Rovers Football Club. In the city’s northern suburbs the winds of change were certainly beginning to gust after an assistant bank manager, cruising along Stapleton Road looking for value, suddenly found we could satisfy his desire for debt absorption. Taking control of Rovers, and promising everything except revelation, he immediately set about feeding the players and establishing a comprehensive worming and flea treatment programme. Dai Gerbil was appointed Chairman and our match day magazine boldly pronounced “we mean serious business” alongside a photograph of Ken Dodd. But sure enough, after a period of loan consolidation, the football establishment was indeed rocked to it’s foundations by the launch of our infamous No Buy No Buy policy. Such an experiment quickly attracted attention from the movers and shakers of English football who were moved and shaken by the concept of running a football club without spending any cash whatsoever. Walter Winterbottom came to me for advice and I suggested thermal underwear. Alf Ramsey asked what I thought of 4-2-4 so I told him it was too expensive. And when Sir Stanley Rous, Alan Hardaker and Jimmy Hill arrived at Eastville determined to discover the secret of our lack of success they were met by a wall of silence which independent experts verified as acoustically sound and in full compliance with local planning regulations so that lorries could deliver 24 hours per day 7 days per week. As the 1961/62 season progressed it became clear that other clubs were baffled by our tactics and found it difficult to keep a straight face let alone a straight back four. Some compared us to the famous Hungarian team of the 1950’s but most thought we were more like the goulash of the same period. Our gallant side of has-beens, never-weres and young cockney rascals struggled on helplessly until a final day defeat at Luton Town consigned us to relegation. In the ensuing meltdown our No Buy No Buy policy rapidly disappeared down the toilet and, with the stench of failure overwhelming even the pungent fumes from the nearby gas works, speculation mounted that our new owner may be nothing more than the latest in a long line of busted flushes. To be continued …

Certainly not, I'm an irate and always have been Certainly not, I'm an irate and always have been edit (sorry, I think someone's taken the P) (sorry, I think someone's taken the P)

Yes, one England u19's and one England u20's.

I'm too old Danny why don't you try match.com ?

I'm sorry if my postings cause you distress but I have to say that criticism, questioning and lampooning are a part of our history. The term "Gasheads" is a relatively recent one and unfortunately, despite the many excellent qualities in our support base, has also come to signify passivity, self obsession and an unwillingness to confront harsh truths. When we were simply Rovers or the Pirates it was home supporters who used to sing "send Bert Tann to Vietnam" and I've had many heated arguments with genuine fans who were angry that the money used to build the North Stand at Eastville in 1959 was not spent on the team. Since "Gasheads" was coined for us by the reds we have hardly become a better football club. But nowadays, as you say and Nicholas once said, challenging the club and offering constructive criticism is deemed healthy. That is unless someone actually tries to do it in which case they must be a City fan. In terms of professionalism, communication, investment and having a strategic plan which is visible to supporters I can't see much difference between Nicholas and the new regime. My "lone arranger" skit was focusing on the likelihood that they are preparing to take on massive debts which will dwarf Nicholas's little MSP loan and yet everyone is clapping and cheering as if there is no tomorrow. Shouldn't someone be asking about this ? Or do we carry on with "he's a Gashead, he is a successful businessman, he knows what's best", like we did before ?

One of our strengths used to be the ability to laugh at ourselves. Another was the ability to use shrewdness in choosing when, where and how we should compete with Bristol City. Under the Nicholas Higgs regime we blundered from crisis to crisis serving up plenty of ammunition for our foes and becoming identified by the neutral sports fans in Bristol, whom we will need on board if we are ever to progress, as a joke of a football club. We were expecting something different from the new regime. More professionalism, more investment and a strategic plan setting out a future vision in which we felt included. So that we could genuinely stand prowed and gain the true respect and admiration of others instead of having to constantly build ourselves up and slap ourselves on the back at every opportunity no matter how trivial. What have we got Danny ?

As the second greatest manager in Rovers history (after Darrell Clarke) I am dumbfounded by the abuse aimed at me on the fans forums and will therefore be boycotting the Swindon game on Saturday. Instead I shall be at the Old Vick Theatre to enjoy Gordon Bennett’s latest play, The Sophistry Boys, a brand new chest warming production of that classic western TV series “The Lone Arranger”. In the opening scene sheriff “Wild Nick” Higgscock disappears through the back door of the Court House as a masked stranger from way out east, The Loan Arranger, gallops into town and immediately starts redecorating the saloon. Meanwhile back at the ranch his faithful sidekick Tonto, played by Stephen Hamster, reveals that the undercarriage is down and the runway lights are on which causes great confusion because aeroplanes won’t be invented for another twenty years. Wigwams spring up everywhere and the natives begin to have reservations so after the bank safe is blown open and found to be empty there is only a muffled surprise (they can’t touch you for it). But when an old fiddler arrives on the evening stagecoach and promissory notes are seen fluttering like confetti down Main Street the whole cast is soon pictured in rapturous celebration at the memorial bordello run by Eve O’Lotion a notorious Irish financial masseuse. Tickets may be obtained online and from a number of convenient outlets across the city but only Bristol Rovers Privilege Club members can queue up outside the Mem for hours on end to find out if there are any seats left.

If we cut to the chase it's quite obvious that Wael and Stephen Hamster are uneasy with some aspects of Darrell's personality and likewise he is not entirely relaxed working with them. But this should all be part of that Evo Stik not Revlon Solution thing and if the exercise is being carried out properly we shall be seeing a calmer and more professional Darrell Clarke emerge in future. Unless it's all a load of baloney and they are just waiting for an opportunity to parachute a slick and sexy foreigner in to his position ...

With a respectable performance from the team and an impressive turn out from the fans this was a good night for Rovers. And it must have been a wonderful occasion for Wael Al-Qadi as well Our side are desperately hoping he is not simply a football obsessive with a wealthy family behind him who is achieving his moment of fame now but without any real ability or resources to make Rovers a better club in the longer term. As we ride the roller coaster of this riveting Rovers-City rivalry let's make sure we have a lot of laughs along the way.

A Doctor Writes … The original NHS virus (nicholas higgs strain) discovered by researchers at Horfield Cottaging Hospital back in 2009 has been superseded by a dangerous new variant EJITS (everything jordanian is terrific strain). With the NHS version it took up to six years till victims were left feebly mumbling “he’s a Gashead but we’re screwed” before finally succumbing. Yet, after a jestation period of only six months, those suffering with the EJITS version are already muttering “he’s a nice bloke but we’re screwed”. Leading Gastrick specialist, Dr Harold Shipman, fears that, without a sizeable injection, vital organs such as the Supporters Club, Helpline Society and Santa’s Grotto will shut down within weeks. A stadium transplant is impossible and the proposed car park graft is now obsolete so the only remaining option is to follow The North Bristol Chair Pathway. Speaking to a gathering of Gasheads last night Dr Shipman said “Just keep quiet, swallow this, and everything will be all right in the mourning”.

I wasn’t going to post on here today because I realize that lampooning Rovers to get a serious point of view into the public arena is not something which is popular with everyone and can maybe get a bit stale. In fact ( better I say it before anyone else does) should a City fan go on a Rovers forum and write in the style I do he or she wouldn’t be very popular here. But I do feel Danny, Phil and the flea should have a response. It’s not the South West Stand which is the problem nor the canopy, the Facebook likes or any of the other mind numbing stuff which comes out of Rovers. It is the boasting about and drawing attention to our weak points which niggles me. We shouldn’t be serving these things up on a plate to our detractors. Just as Nicholas used to open his mouth and present countless gifts to our rivals Wael is allowing the same to happen now. Only today Darrell is quoted as saying “it’s not if it’s when” about new signings which is exactly the phrase Nicholas used about his ill fated stadium dream. Doesn’t anyone at Rovers think about these things ? I know there is a hard core of fans who will see no wrong in anything Rovers do no matter how absurd it is. But equally I’m convinced there is a quiet majority who cringe about the amateurish approach just as I do. The perception of Rovers as a cheap rag bag club is being allowed to continues and the effect is two fold. Firstly, if results start to go the wrong way many fans will have had their confidence damaged by these self inflicted wounds and so will turn their discontent on the team and manager much more quickly than they would otherwise be expected to. Secondly, the lackluster view of Rovers in the wider community will remain unchanged and so, in the longer term, persuading new fans to become associated with our club will be much more difficult than it should be. If you are looking for something positive then I suggest we stop making ourselves look ridiculous by boasting about putting hand dryers in the ladies toilets and try something like this : Find a good cause in North Bristol with which a genuine connection can be made One with which our owner, staff and supporters can feel a genuine affinity Use professional help to explore possibilities of involvement with that good cause Find how a Rovers connection can make a positive impact on that good cause In conjunction with the good cause prepare a long term plan for co-operation Make a commitment in cash and man hours to implement that plan Make sure the Club President takes a personal interest in the venture Use a professional agency to publicise the association between Rovers and the good cause Hire an A list celebrity for the opening launch to ensure maximum media exposure Allocate competent management to oversee the long term development of the relationship with the good cause Ensure adequate involvement of the owner, staff and supporters in the continuing relationship with the good cause Make sure the publicity regarding the relationship with the good cause is imaginative, sustained and of high quality Demonstrate to sports fans across the whole of Bristol that our President’s February 2016 commitment to promote Rovers active participation in the community is being fulfilled.

That would not serve any purpose. But interestingly there was a poster on here last season who is either involved in scouting himself or knows a professional scout and his opinion was that Matty would make it in league 1 but probably not get much higher. That was just one person's opinion but as far as I recall it was debated respectfully and he was not chastised for giving a relatively positive assessment of a Rovers player. We all hope our manager can continue to improve our players so they are capable of playing at a higher level and that, in my opinion, is one of the strongest reasons for bringing in better quality players because working alongside better quality players undoubtedly helps to improve the technique and tactical awareness of existing players. Which makes it even more ludicrous that many Rovers fans, in their misplaced loyalty, are celebrating the fact that so few new players have been brought in and kidding themselves that "this is what Darrell wants". But we shouldn't be discussing the Rovers team on a City forum we'll get kicked off if we're not careful

It is unconventional but worthwhile if it draws attention to the absurdity which remains at Rovers despite the regime change. I make no apology for challenging the wisdom of our President re-tweeting the boast about Facebook likes. In February, after years of watching Nicholas stumble from crisis to crisis, all of us believed the new owners would tighten up our defences and then launch an attacking strategy. But six months on and we are still scoring own goals

You mean the 1950's ? Ah, but what a manager Rovers had then eh Rich ? Clough, Ferguson & Shankly all rolled into one with just a touch of the Arsene although we won't go into that. Up at post 11199 RumRed has a photo of Stephen Lansdown and in it I have to say he looks just like a farmer I used to buy gallons of cider from goodness knows how many years ago. This is not intended to be disrespectful. In fact I wonder how many other fans thought something similar when they saw that photo. A typical West Countryman - one of your own you might say - and certainly not the stereotypical image of a grey faceless businessman. I thought it was rather nice. On the other hand Rovers now have a non-Bristolian owner for the first time in our history and we must work out how we are going to adapt to this situation and compete with Bristol City in a way which will inspire our fans and attract neutrals to our cause. I would suggest the rather weedy response of re-tweeting about Facebook likes which can be purchased for £ 120 per 10 000 from thesocialguys.co.uk is a sign that we have not yet come up with a winning strategy.

Unlike most Rovers fans Bamber's tongue is firmly nestled in his own cheek rather than that of Mr Al-Qadi.

Reuters News Wire ..... There was outrage in Horfield yesterday when Rovers chairman Sir Stephen Hamster refused to come out of his cage and meet fans at the club's annual petting zoo day. Supporters club officials were said to be scarlet with rage and foaming at the mouth but it was later revealed they had merely over indulged at the candy floss stall after visiting the children's face painting table. The knives have been out for Hamster since he refused to allow an open top bus celebration after his team pipped Stanley on goat difference at the end of last season. Instead, the beleaguered chairman decided to place hands on a Cox which he had mounted on the roof of the covered terrace. One fan, who did not wish to be maimed, said that years ago Sir Stephen had introduced a new owner, Neil McClure, to Swansea City and installed himself as chairman but it turned out McClure had no money to invest so the Swans ended up in a spiral of decline and nearly went out of business altogether. Were history to repeat itself the ramifications would be felt throughout the World since so many Global events such as Brexit, peace in the Middle East and the market for second hand shipping containers are now intimately entwined with the fortunes of Bristol Rovers FC. Speaking from Jericho a senior member of the Al-Qaseltzer family said he hoped Hamster's demise would not also mean that Wael comes tumbling down.

At the end of the 1962/63 season Con Stevens admitted to me that his policy of #destitutionnotrelocation had failed and we needed to find some cash from somewhere fast. I mentioned this to Alfie Biggs and he told me his brother Ron may be able to help which is how we found ourselves in early August 1963 at a hastily improvised training camp next to a railway line in Buckinghamshire. The idea was to disguise ourselves as footballers, hold up the London bound mail train and overwhelm the Post Office staff with our quartered shirts and pirate badges. Then we would use a sublime series of bird noises (or tweets) to trick them into donating the millions of pounds they were carrying to us instead of letting it fall into the hands of those greedy investment bankers in the City. It was a disingenuous plan but one which I felt we were capable of carrying off provided our wing halves tucked in behind our inside forwards and Alfie kept off the George’s bitter. In typical Rovers fashion things soon started to go awry when Doug Hillard Sports failed to deliver the shirts in time forcing us to wear training smocks borrowed from the Coates Cider factory at Nailsea. Then, when the box of badges was opened, we found the intense heat that summer had made the Pirates go limp from the wrist downwards. But our final undoing came when the train sailed past our “stop, we are billionaires” banner only to come to a halt at a red signal half a mile down the track where Alfie’s brother and his gang quickly started loading the mail sacks into an old army truck. I know when I am beaten so rather than confront the cocky band of synthetic Chelsea hustlers who were making away with our money I decided on a hasty retreat back to Bristol. Con Stevens was angry of course, and gave Ian a terrible spanking, but at least he had his plan B to fall back on which was to sell the ground to Ikea. Tragically the lads and I never received a penny of royalties from the film of whole sorry episode which starred my friend the delightful Joan Collins and in which I was portrayed by Dame Margaret Rutherford. To be continued …

Yes I did Fordy although it didn't gain much traction. Anyone who asks awkward questions or pokes fun at some of the absurdities which emanate from the Mem is automatically labeled a City fan and I can only think this is a kind of defence mechanism. Why doesn't it happen on OTIB ? Over the years I've noticed City fans being highly caustic in their comments about your players, managers and directors and yet no one here calls them a "Gashead". Why is that ? I've said before that Wael Al-Qadi appears to be a genuine and sincere man but it doesn't mean he is beyond reproach. The point made above was really aimed at the comment in his interview where, when asked about news of the UWE "file", he said "you will hear it from them" meaning the two people negotiating with the UWE. Now to me that's shirking responsibility, it's not leading from the front and it gives the impression of hinting that "bad news may be on the way but don't blame me if it is". I may be wrong about this, it may be down to a lack of experience or over stressed humility on his part, but surely it's better to confront concerns like this when you come across them rather than look the other way. If others believe that such a comment was a sensible one then let them defend it vigorously but it doesn't help anyone to bury ones head in the sand and simply accuse those who highlight difficult issues of "swinging the other way" as we used to say at the Clifton Lido. Mindful that it's a City forum and this thread is meant to be a bit of fun I'll leave it there as I've got a date with Dot Clarke ( Don has gone fishing with Brian )