bert tann

The locusts are gathering over Horfield this morning with news that Nicholas is in A Man. No funny business though he is merely crossing the i's and dotting the t's of his agreement with HH Prince Ali. At a press conference tomorrow it will be announced that the Red C has been parted and Rovers will soon be in our promised land at the summit of Bristol's football pyramid. Hashemite days !

and not only that but Prince Ali's sister is Princess Haya of Jordan who is the junior wife of HH Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum the Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates and Emir of Dubai.

Court Circular Talk in legal circles is that Sainsbury's are diametrically opposed to any pre-hearing settlement and this has prompted Nicholas to go off at a tangent. But in legal squares the opinion is that all sides have an equal chance of success and if Nicholas does a 180 degree turn he will meet himself coming back. Legal triangles predict a three cornered fight between Nicholas, the other shareholders and a congruent of investors wishing to build the UWE and rent it back to Rovers. Whilst at the oval office pentagon staff are briefing special forces tasked with rescuing Colin Sexstone who is trapped at the Mem having been thrown a curved ball. More news is expected as events begin to take shape at the Royal Courts Of Justits.

I think you will find that in those days at Eastville the teddy boys all stood in the South Enclosure just to the left of the players tunnel as we walked out. It's been a good year for the Rovers. Many self assembly imitation pine shelving units still linger there.

Doesn't anyone else think the underlying problem at BCFC is the vacuum between the owner and the manager ? Every manager needs guidance and motivation on a day to day basis and that, to me, is what is lacking.

Peter, let me put this one to bed once and for all by categorically denying that I am not a member of the consortium. I do however admit to having a Dyson Cinetic Big Ball.

Laundrygate scandal breaking at the Mem Club saving money by making players wash their own kit

Come on now Cityites you have to admit my boy Nicholas done good. A cast iron guarantee from a local hero who's integrity is beyond question. Rejoice Rejoice ... Void where prohibited. No representation or warranty, express or implied, with respect to the completeness, accuracy, fitness for a particular purpose, or utility of this stadium or any information or opinion contained herein. Actual mileage may vary. Prices slightly higher west of Avonmouth. All models over 18 years of age. No animals were harmed during the production of this product. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or events, past, present or future, is purely coincidental. This product not to be construed as an endorsement of any product or company, nor as the adoption or promulgation of any guidelines, standards or recommendations. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Package sold by weight, not volume. Contents may settle during shipment. No user-serviceable parts inside. Use only as directed.

Following the Rovers supporters club AGM it has been announced that revised UWE Stadium plans include a 100 foot statue of Nicholas outside the main gate. I am not sure whether there will also be 100 hands, 100 elbows or 100 other parts of his anatomy but, if built to scale, the statue will be 100 feet wide and therefore the biggest pre-crass structure in the South West of England.

And this in the week when veteran broadcaster Peter Dimmock passed away ? "If Crawley hadn't scored more goals than us we would have won"

A few months ago the "kid in the riot" suggested that land at The Memorial Stadium was to be sold for building and that this would effectively "save the Rovers". Many of us wondered how such a plan could possibly work because any profit from the sale of a segment of land would only be sufficient to pay off MSP Capital and so the other debt and dereliction would remain. But now new theories are surfacing which could explain what is to happen. It appears that the whole of the site may be sold thus allowing MSP Capital and Nicholas and his cohorts all to have their money repaid leaving a few millions (single figures) for Rovers to contribute a small share towards the cost of building a scaled down and "economy" version of a UWE Stadium which would effectively be owned by third parties. To many Rovers supporters this is a nightmare scenario because their dream of a showpiece stadium, owned by the club, would be shattered and the landlord tenant situation would once again return. Even worse, in their eyes, Nicholas & Co would continue running the football club in their own inimitable style. However, there is always a silver lining and so as promised the revised scheme would bring a significant boost to the economy of North Bristol and South Gloucestershire. Led by the increased prosperity of garden shed manufacturers and purveyors of rosettes and rattles,

Are you hintin Nicholas blew it on an ostentatious car in an attempt to cover up his inadequacies ?

Yes, Nicholas offered me a missionary position and I couldn't say no.

Clear as a ball in Ho Chi Minh City

After the game Nicholas said the Newport County result was merely "a glitch in our inexorable rise" At least I think it was Nicholas, it could have been Napoleon Bonaparte, they both have the same suit size.

You of all people should know about this. The consortium is apparently headed by Mr Wael Al-Qadi who's family control the Arab Jordan Investment Bank. He is on the board of the Jordanian FA and Vice Chairman of FIFA's Asian Football Development Project. Talks got off to a shaky start when Nicholas insisted on speaking to Mr Jordan and it took Colin all morning to convince him that Jordan is a country not a person. Then, when it's official title of "The Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan" was revealed Nicholas caused uproar when he said he "don't want nothing to do with drug dealers". But calm was restored after the consortium paid for lunch. Much common ground was exposed and Nicholas was impressed with the fact that in 2012 Jordan was forced to take a $2 billion loan from the IMF and their total debt stood at $22 billion. He thought he could get a better deal for King Abdullah II from his friends at MSP Capital. The sticking point appears to be the naming rights for the stadium because the Jordanians are keen to raise their profile in the Stoke Gifford/ Frenchay area but are concerned that the current name, "UWE" is much too close to that of their Arab competitors 'UAE". Nicholas looking for a whacking great pay day also raised a few eyebrows though this may only be a sandstorm in a tea cup. More info to come as soon as I hear back from my man in Ammangotsfield.

Talks are still underway with the Jordan consortium. Nicholas and Colin are demanding to see the colour of their money but Katie hasn't shown them anything yet.

I hear the men in the white coats are coming for Nicholas after his latest poor business decision. He has taken the Sainsburys case to the court of apparel by mistake.

Who would have believed it ? Andrew Black and Michael Owen

Higgles Flies Undone Relish the exploits of hot air ace Nick Higgles as he battles enemies around every corner Marvel at his doggedness Wonder in amazement as it all unravels and he is left exposed yet still manages to bale out with his pockets stuffed full of cash Also starring Group Captain Sexstone as Uncle Fester

Many years ago the Rovers hierarchy were paranoid about Peter Manning muscling his way into their club. Another feared figure was John Pontin of the JT Construction Group. You see they knew that once the Society of Merchant Venturers gained control the heart and soul would be ripped from Rovers and what was once a football club would soon become a cosy dining and hospitality venue for the very important people who control business in Bristol. So while Stephen has repelled the boarders and is busy putting sport first Nicholas is finally throwing in the towel. And it is a very large white one.

Club Statement: Bristol Rovers erratically deny the rumour that Adam Drury has left us because he was under the mistaken impression that he was going to be joining Bristol City FC. We repeat our earlier announcement that he has left for personnel reasons.

I've dropped it, it wasn't watertight.

Dick washing was a feature of behind the scenes activity at Rovers for many a long year in fact I instigated it when we signed Dick Sheppard in 1969. As Bishop of Liverpool he was used to "wetting the baby's head" but unfortunately had a habit of fumbling with his clothes when it came to other regions and eventually this gave rise to personal hygiene issues. I solved the problem by recruiting some ladies from the Topaz Massage studio on Stapleton Road and it wasn't long before Dick's all over Bristol were queuing up to take advantage of the services we provided under the "Eastville for Entertainment" banner. Sadly, in recent years, Dick washing has given way to Nick watching and whilst we are all naturally eager to anticipate the Chairman's next move it is a rather limp substitute and signally fails to provide the warm tingly glow which Gasheads had come to expect.

As far as I am concerned we are us and you are not but everyone is on the same wavelength except Peter O'Hanraha-hanrahan who is on the BBC Home Service.