WhistleHappy

Hmmm... (Flip me over the sides once I've been tarred and feathered.).. which web-site put those ideas in your head Havana? ... .. quick you better wipe yer history, is that a key being put in yer door right now?? reckon you got about 10 seconds before you get caught!! :laugh: .

Motorway Marmite Spill ... yeast-bound carriageway clean -up easier than expected - "Its a lot less bovril with a hoover..." says spokesman.

erm, nope I makes 'em all up myself.... I've been diagnosed with chronic fear of giants; Feefiphobia I phoned the ticket hotline for next years Snooker World Championships , but it was busy , and I was put on holdin a cue

I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg! Me and the wife went rabbiting tonight. We were supposed to go dogging but Chas and Dave turned up. I work as a prison warder and a lot of the inmates are trying to convince me that every night after lights out, a man with a wooden leg, a patch over one eye and a parrot on his shoulder breaks into their cells and steals cigarettes. I'm not believing any of it, in fact I reckon its a cons piracy theory... I feel bad for all the suckers who've bought counterfeit tickets for next year's Olympics at such ridiculous prices. I decided to spend my hard earned cash on a Glastonbury ticket instead. I paid a bloke to come and do some pointing for me today. Now I've been named 'television's laziest weatherman.' Two sluts are doing a crossword. "Female sexual organ?" "Down or across?" "Across." "Must be 'mouth' then."

A farmer catches Paddy shagging one of his farm vehicles. "What the **** are you doing" he shouted. Paddy replies "I'm having trouble with the wife and the consellor told me to do something to attract her" My next door neighbour has a green triangular house. My other next door neighbour has a yellow rectangular house. And my neighbour across the road has an orange octagonal house... I live in a Quality Street. I desperately needed a shit on the train today but the toilet was out of order, so I just sat there and held it for about 20 minutes. .........The woman sitting opposite looked at me in disgust and said, "Is that a poo in your hand?" I remember being told that everytime you shave it off, it grows back thicker. ....Can't wait to see my new cock In the past week, Ive had at least three different butchers put leaflets through my door advertising there latest meat deals. ...... I ******g hate spam. I'll never forget the day I met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party. She was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate. They'd gone together, dressed as the number ten. ..... I knew there and then, she was the one. "It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who sit at home and have conversations with their cats are mentally disturbed." ...... My dog's full of useful information like that. To neigh or not to neigh. .....That is equestrian. So Carlos Tevez plans to sue his boss Roberto Mancini. ...... If his lawyer has any sense of humour, he'll refuse to come off the bench and defend for him. When people with lisps say "Bithneth", you know they mean business. Was walking in the Tesco entrance earlier to get my weekly shopping, when I read their motto, 'Why Pay More?' "Good point," I thought... "Asda it is then." I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday. ..... He had a Wigan address.

Odds are we'll need a New City Manager Song: WHEN THE 'NICE' MARK ROBINS IS SENT BOB BOBBIN' ALONG, ALONG S.O.D.ing OFF WITH THE JONES'S, & THE COTTS & THE ZOLAS ....THEY'LL ALL BE GONE!! SO WAKE UP, WAKE UP NEXT WEEK YOU REDS WE'LL ALL - BE AS HAPPY AS F *** SHITHEADS WHEN WE'VE SIGNED DEL McINNES INSTEAD & WE'LL BE - SO - F **** G - HAPPY! YEAH, WHEN THE RED RED ROBIN IS BOB BOB BOBBIN' ALONG, ALONG & WE'LL ALL SING AGAIN - ITS GREAT AT THE GATE AGAIN ... WE'LL BE SINGING THIS SONG... 'WHEN THE RED RED ROBIN GOES BOB BOB BOBBIN' ALONG' !!! Hmm, trust me to go making a song & dance about it. Using the medium of song I predicted this scenario last Saturday in the 'odds' thread... So when Robins has finally been sent bob bobbin along -we'll all be so happy that Del-Boys our new boss !!

D James went to a Fancy Dress shop yesterday to hire a costume for a halloween party. The girl behind the counter handed him a Bristol Rovers kit & a cross. He immediately dropped the kit & wasnt too sure about the cross... he was in two minds before deciding not too go for it as that could make him look like a count too. He played safe & eventually chose a Doris Day outfit. (sorry Dave.. only jokin.. )

Inside Left & Right Back Outside again?

I presume noone ever told 'em that if you look after the Penney's the pounds will look after themselves .... & Campbell.............. hmmm wonder what sort of sound a camp bell makes?................. erm, ................. BEEP BEEP BEEP .... ??

...cant stand the way they like to do a voice-over & graphic to tell us whats coming on next before the program we're already watching has finished..

when they show the film - A CLOCKWORK ORANGE - is that a wind-up or what?