where's the joy Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Here's an old one about the mighty devon white who's manager once said "his first touch was so bad he couldn't trap a medicine ball" any better ones out there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luke_bristol Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 "Want me to sign that you p***k?" Alan Shearer to Roy Keane after Keane threw the ball at him in frustration Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riddlesdown red Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Cricket- glen McGrath to an Indian or Pakistani batsman. " why are you so fat?" Reply because every time I shag your wife she throws me a biscuit. McGrath apparently had to be restrained after this retort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
where's the joy Posted May 31, 2014 Author Share Posted May 31, 2014 bill shankly to tony hateley bill "why didn't you kick it, why try to use your head?" tony "because I'm good in the air boss" bill "so was douglas bader and even he could kick a ball better than you" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bard Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Cricket- glen McGrath to an Indian or Pakistani batsman. " why are you so fat?" Reply because every time I shag your wife she throws me a biscuit. McGrath apparently had to be restrained after this retort. It was actually a Zimbabwean number 11 called Edo Brandes. If you bat 11 for Zimbabwe you're probably the worst batsman in test cricket. Most of the Aussies just p***ed themselves laughing when he said it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InCider Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Here's an old one about the mighty devon white who's manager once said "his first touch was so bad he couldn't trap a medicine ball" any better ones out there? Along similar lines, someone once said that they couldn't kick a ball as far as Carlton Palmer could trap it. Might have been Zidane who said it, but can't remember. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southport Red Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Shankley, when asked who was better, Tom Finney or Kevin Keegan. Shanks. "I'd say there are about the same" Journo,"Surprised to hear you say that Bill" Shanks "Yes, but you have to remember, Finney IS 68! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest catcott_red1 Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 I shouted this at Andy Reid when he lined up as a one man wall last season for a freekick near the corner flag... "Do you count as a two man wall then Reid you fat ****" I got a huge laugh from my block. He heard it and we scored from the free kick haha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nickolas Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveybadger Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Shankley, when asked who was better, Tom Finney or Kevin Keegan. Shanks. "I'd say there are about the same" Journo,"Surprised to hear you say that Bill" Shanks "Yes, but you have to remember, Finney IS 68! Similar one - Don Bradman asked how many he'd average against the modern era's bowlers. He said about 45, then added i am 85 though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveybadger Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Plus Aussie cricket fan to Phil Tufnell : oi Tufnell, lend me your brain, i'm building an idiot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myol'man Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Paul Collingwood to Michael Vaughn on yet another dropped catch " you've got hands like my feet!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cider hoss rules Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Viv Richards & Greg Thomas. In a county match in England, Thomas was bowling to Richards and getting a few to whizz past the bat. After Richards played and missed another one, Thomas said: "It's red, it's round. Now *****n hit it!". This obviously angered Richards who proceeded to hit the next ball out of the ground. Richards: "You know what it looks like now go and get it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mahatma Coate Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Plus Aussie cricket fan to Phil Tufnell : oi Tufnell, lend me your brain, i'm building an idiot! It was Ian Healy, the wicketkeeper who said that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mahatma Coate Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 "Mr Churchill, you're drunk". "Mrs Blount, you are ugly, but I'll be sober in the morning" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PHILINFRANCE Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Cricket- glen McGrath to an Indian or Pakistani batsman. " why are you so fat?" Reply because every time I shag your wife she throws me a biscuit. McGrath apparently had to be restrained after this retort. I think you will find it was the Zimbabwean Eddo Brandes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveybadger Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 It was Ian Healy, the wicketkeeper who said that. Think its disputed as seen various quoted as saying it. Regardless its a top put down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mahatma Coate Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Think its disputed as seen various quoted as saying it. Regardless its a top put down! Tuffers accredited it to Ian Healy on TV the other evening - a repeat of Room 101 I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welcome To The Jungle Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 I think it may have been Alex Ferguson who said that Robbie Savage had everything a top player needs except talent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pongo88 Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Good one from Brian Clough when Martin O'Neill asked him why he had been dropped to the 2nd team Brian: "Because Martin, you're far too good for my 3rd team!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bristol Rob Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 My father on the previously mentioned Devon White; 'He'll never be a footballer whilst he has a hole in his arse'. Granted, he also once described AIDS as being 'the gay plague', so it wouldn't be unfair to dismiss his comments and pure bigotry. (He is getting better though). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southport Red Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 "Mr Churchill, you're drunk". "Mrs Blount, you are ugly, but I'll be sober in the morning" Or the one with Lady Astor Astor: "Mr Churchill, if I was married to you, I would put poison in your coffee" Churchill: "Madam, if I was married to you, I would drink it" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveybadger Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Tuffers accredited it to Ian Healy on TV the other evening - a repeat of Room 101 I think. Fair enough, straight from the idiot's mouth, as it were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
italian dave Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 No idea who this involved, but I always remember this exchange between a top player and a ref being reported some years ago Player: You're ******* blind ref Ref: Just as well I didn't hear that or you'd have a yellow card Player: ******* deaf as well eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Along similar lines, someone once said that they couldn't kick a ball as far as Carlton Palmer could trap it. Might have been Zidane who said it, but can't remember. George Best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JammyOne Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Just all of this: Ali G: Now Scary is you comfy? Beckham what about you? David Beckham: All right. Ali G: Listen just because this is Comic Relief doesn't mean you should speak in a silly voice, right. Now where did you two meet? Victoria Beckham: We met at the football. Ali G: Beckham, was you into the Spice Girls beforehand? David Beckham: No but I was into Posh. Ali G: Had you already seen a picture of her and knocked one out? That's a yes innit? But what about that that picture of her in a catsuit and boots that come up well high. Apparently in that video if you freeze frame it you can actually see a tiny bit of camel toe. Yeah that's more like a camel hoof. It must be amazing going out with a Spice Girl but in an ideal world, and no disrespect to your bitch, in an ideal world wouldn't you rather be with Baby? So how many of the Spice Girls turned you down before you went for her. You went for Scary first what? David Beckham: No just this one. Ali G: Now does you go to watch him play football. Victoria Beckham: Yeah I do whenever I can because Brooklyn loves going to watch him so as much as we can. Ali G: Me heard that there is an insulting song that they sing about you has you heard it, what is the words? Victoria Beckham: They say Posh Spice. Ali G: That you take it up the arse. Victoria Beckham: That's right. Ali G: But that's not insulting that the biggest compliment you can pay someone. No but seriously, does you take it up the botty? Victoria Beckham: No of course I don't. Ali G: Beckham, you telling me you aint never been caught offside? David Beckham: No. Ali G: But me heard you is well good at getting round the back and swinging your balls in right? Victoria Beckham: They do say it's the way he bends it I have to say. Ali G: Respect, respect, a little bit of a different vibe from Parkinson. Now Beckham do you reckon the better the footballer you is the fitter the girl you go out with. David Beckham: Obviously. Ali G: So you is the best at football so you get Posh, so does Sporty Spice go out with someone from S****horpe United? Victoria Beckham: That's terrible. Ali G: What do you mean? Victoria Beckham: That's my friend and she is lovely. Ali G: Exactly what is you trying to say, S****horpe is not a good team? Victoria Beckham: Yes. Ali G: That's is a horrible thing to say about her. You has got a little nipper. Do you reckon you is good parents. Victoria Beckham: Yes I do think we are good parents. Ali G: So when did you teach him to roll his first spliff? Victoria Beckham: I will never teach him that. Ali G: Why not, you should never deny your kid education. So what's he called? Victoria Beckham: Brooklyn. Ali G: All right and how did you come up with that name? Victoria Beckham: Well we found out that I was pregnant when I was on tour in America and we was in Brooklyn when we found out. Ali G: So had you actually done it there? Victoria Beckham: No we didn't do it there. Ali G: Ah, for real. Victoria Beckham: We did it in Denmark if you really want to know. Ali G: How come you never called him Denmark? That would be a well good idea though what. If me and my Julie had a kid we would call him Langley village. Well his full name would be the bogs in the KFC in Langley village. So tell me does Brooklyn like your music or is he getting a bit old for it now? Victoria Beckham: He does like music he jiggs about and dances. He's also into football as well so its nice. Ali G: Respect. Victoria Beckham: A footballer with rhythm. Ali G: So tell me is your little boy starting to put whole sentences together? Victoria Beckham: He's saying little bits and pieces, yeah. Ali G: And what about Brooklyn? Victoria Beckham: That was Brooklyn. Ali G: So do you want him to grow up to be a footballer like his dad or a singer like Mariah Carey? Victoria Beckham: Well I'm hoping he will grow up to be a footballer like his dad and I'd like to grow up and be a singer like Mariah Carey. Ali G: Respect. We has got to have a break now because Posh is going to do a bit of breast feeding back stage. Just out of interest is there one going spare? Check you later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexukhc Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Rovers in the conference... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
where's the joy Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 here's another one old left back for birmingham city at being shown the yellow card what was that for ref? a late tackle son but i got there as quick as i could! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slartibartfast Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Some numpty bowling to Viv Richards (who'd played and missed a couple of times)... "It's round and red ,just hit it Viv" Next ball Viv hits it miles out the ground......"You know what it looks like ,you focking fetch it !" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northern Red Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Another cricket one - England are playing Australia and Jimmy Ormond walks out to bat for England at No.11 on his debut. Mark Waugh: "******g hell look who it is. What are you doing here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England" Ormond: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRL Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Merv Hughs come back was my favourite Here is a copy and paste of it During a test between Pakistan and Australia in 1991 Miandad tried to sledge Merv: "Merv you are a big, fat bus conductor". Only a few balls later Merv dismissed Miandad, ran past him and shouted: "Tickets please!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRL Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Some more Merv wisdom During a test match in Jamaica, Hughes continued to stare at Richards after each delivery. He never spoke a word but sure enough after every delivery there was a stare. Viv Richards: "Don't you be staring at me, man. This is my island, my culture. And in my culture we just bowl". Hughes replied with a ripper : "In my culture we just say **** off". Merv was bowling a few crackers that Smith couldn't even get an edge to. Merv: "If you turn the bat over you'll get the instructions mate". Merv Hughes was all over Gooch in one test and proceeded to say: "Would you like me to bowl a piano and see if you can play that". Hell go here http://top20cricketsledges.blogspot.co.uk/ and read the rest, Cricketing sledging is so much better to the ranty bollocks you get in football Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welcome To The Jungle Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Just all of this: Ali G: Now Scary is you comfy? Beckham what about you? David Beckham: All right. Ali G: Listen just because this is Comic Relief doesn't mean you should speak in a silly voice, right. Now where did you two meet? Victoria Beckham: We met at the football. Ali G: Beckham, was you into the Spice Girls beforehand? David Beckham: No but I was into Posh. Ali G: Had you already seen a picture of her and knocked one out? That's a yes innit? But what about that that picture of her in a catsuit and boots that come up well high. Apparently in that video if you freeze frame it you can actually see a tiny bit of camel toe. Yeah that's more like a camel hoof. It must be amazing going out with a Spice Girl but in an ideal world, and no disrespect to your bitch, in an ideal world wouldn't you rather be with Baby? So how many of the Spice Girls turned you down before you went for her. You went for Scary first what? David Beckham: No just this one. Ali G: Now does you go to watch him play football. Victoria Beckham: Yeah I do whenever I can because Brooklyn loves going to watch him so as much as we can. Ali G: Me heard that there is an insulting song that they sing about you has you heard it, what is the words? Victoria Beckham: They say Posh Spice. Ali G: That you take it up the arse. Victoria Beckham: That's right. Ali G: But that's not insulting that the biggest compliment you can pay someone. No but seriously, does you take it up the botty? Victoria Beckham: No of course I don't. Ali G: Beckham, you telling me you aint never been caught offside? David Beckham: No. Ali G: But me heard you is well good at getting round the back and swinging your balls in right? Victoria Beckham: They do say it's the way he bends it I have to say. Ali G: Respect, respect, a little bit of a different vibe from Parkinson. Now Beckham do you reckon the better the footballer you is the fitter the girl you go out with. David Beckham: Obviously. Ali G: So you is the best at football so you get Posh, so does Sporty Spice go out with someone from S****horpe United? Victoria Beckham: That's terrible. Ali G: What do you mean? Victoria Beckham: That's my friend and she is lovely. Ali G: Exactly what is you trying to say, S****horpe is not a good team? Victoria Beckham: Yes. Ali G: That's is a horrible thing to say about her. You has got a little nipper. Do you reckon you is good parents. Victoria Beckham: Yes I do think we are good parents. Ali G: So when did you teach him to roll his first spliff? Victoria Beckham: I will never teach him that. Ali G: Why not, you should never deny your kid education. So what's he called? Victoria Beckham: Brooklyn. Ali G: All right and how did you come up with that name? Victoria Beckham: Well we found out that I was pregnant when I was on tour in America and we was in Brooklyn when we found out. Ali G: So had you actually done it there? Victoria Beckham: No we didn't do it there. Ali G: Ah, for real. Victoria Beckham: We did it in Denmark if you really want to know. Ali G: How come you never called him Denmark? That would be a well good idea though what. If me and my Julie had a kid we would call him Langley village. Well his full name would be the bogs in the KFC in Langley village. So tell me does Brooklyn like your music or is he getting a bit old for it now? Victoria Beckham: He does like music he jiggs about and dances. He's also into football as well so its nice. Ali G: Respect. Victoria Beckham: A footballer with rhythm. Ali G: So tell me is your little boy starting to put whole sentences together? Victoria Beckham: He's saying little bits and pieces, yeah. Ali G: And what about Brooklyn? Victoria Beckham: That was Brooklyn. Ali G: So do you want him to grow up to be a footballer like his dad or a singer like Mariah Carey? Victoria Beckham: Well I'm hoping he will grow up to be a footballer like his dad and I'd like to grow up and be a singer like Mariah Carey. Ali G: Respect. We has got to have a break now because Posh is going to do a bit of breast feeding back stage. Just out of interest is there one going spare? Check you later. I read the entire transcript to find the video at the end. Why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marshy Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 ''The bowler's Holding; the batsman's Willey.'' ok not a put down but amusing commentary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 It was Ian Healy, the wicketkeeper who said that. I met Mr Healy once in New Zealand along with Merv Hughes, Paul Riffel & Damien Martin. Had a good laugh taking the piss out of each other. Really top bloke. Another Comfort & Coke Ian ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JammyOne Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I read the entire transcript to find the video at the end. Why? Yeah 'bout that. I was just going to copy my favorite bit about Victoria's boy stringing words together, but then decided to copy the whole thing. I then decided it would make sense if I just post the video; but I had already invested too much in copying the transcript. I thought about removing the transcript afterwards, but then I thought about those who only have text-based browsers who may not be able to view the YouTube video... I didn't want them to miss out on the fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welcome To The Jungle Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Yeah 'bout that. I was just going to copy my favorite bit about Victoria's boy stringing words together, but then decided to copy the whole thing. I then decided it would make sense if I just post the video; but I had already invested too much in copying the transcript. I thought about removing the transcript afterwards, but then I thought about those who only have text-based browsers who may not be able to view the YouTube video... I didn't want them to miss out on the fun. Next time please inform people of the video at the end by notifying us at the beginning. Failing this I will tell my mother on you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downendcity Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Not a sporting put down, but one where it was definitely the biter bit. Jimmy Tarbuck was appearing in Blackpool and was well into his act when he spotted a couple walking down the aisle looking for their seats. Tarby shouted at the couple, " your a bit late aren't you, the show started a while ago?" The chap shouted back, "aye lad we are, and if we'd realised you were on t'bill we wouldn't have bothered coming at all!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slartibartfast Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 At the end of play ,Joel Garner was taking deserved refreshment in the members bar . Some slightly worse for wear guy sidled up to Big Bird and ask if er.....everything was ...er...in proportion? Joel just laughed and said "no, no man, if it was, I'd be Eight foot Eleven" ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Bill Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Post match from Ron Atkinson: "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to start with that prat". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downendcity Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 In the House of Commons, Dennis Skinner once commented that " 1/2 of those on the benches opposite are crooks" The speaker demanded that he withdraw the comment. So Skinner then said " 1/2 of those in the benches opposite are not crooks". Genius! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zippycar Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest surreyred Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 From the greatest put down artist of all time Groucho Marx - I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. i married your mother because i wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this was't it. Marry me, and i'll never look at another horse. Now there's a man with an open mind, you can feel the breeze from here. She got her looks from her father, he's a plastic surgeon You have the brain of a four year old, i bet he was clad to get rid of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slartibartfast Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 From the greatest put down artist of all time Groucho Marx - I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. i married your mother because i wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this was't it. Marry me, and i'll never look at another horse. Now there's a man with an open mind, you can feel the breeze from here. She got her looks from her father, he's a plastic surgeon You have the brain of a four year old, i bet he was clad to get rid of it. I could dance with you till the cows come home....better still, I could dance with the cows till YOU come home ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 G B Shaw to Chirchill. Here are two tickets for the opening night of my play. Bring a friend, if you have one. Churchill to Shaw. Cannot make first night. Will come to second, if there is one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mahatma Coate Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 "We'll see you both outside" EE to blue few, 5th August 1978. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portred Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Female politician to Churchill 'if I were arrived to you, I'd poison your tea' Churchill replied 'if I were married to you, I'd drink it!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portred Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 *married, sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reddevon Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 At Glen Hoddle's testimonial dinner at Tottenham I was sat next to speaker Tommy Docherty. When a girl asked him if he wanted to buy some raffle tickets he said " no thanks , I never win anything". He was not impressed when I said "i've heard that said about you"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephenkibby. Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 not so much a put down but a knock down. about 17 started playing mens football ex pro I was marking said {come near me again son and ill break both your legs!} our keeper {old head} said don't worry about him lad. a few minutes later they had a corner,ball came over keepers ball he shouted and ex pro was carried of the pitch k.od sadly said keeper was banded for life the next season for laying out a ref!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myol'man Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Ray Parlour to Eileen Drewery, Glenn Hoddle's 'mystic' healer, when she placed her hands upon his head to feel his positive energy force; "Short back and sides please" Parlour never played for England again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zyderiup Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 The most scathing put-down without a doubt is.... '82er' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zider'ed Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 An interviewer asked Peter Crouch "so what would you be if you was not a footballer" to which he replied "a virgin". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ooRya Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 My old man said "be a rovers fan" I said.................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marmite Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Think it was Merv Hughes who said to Ian Botham as he came out to bat."Hows your wife and my kids Ian?" Botham replied " wifes fine, kids are retarded" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BS4 on Tour... Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 The Australian spinner Stuart MacGill was once bowling to the legendary Marcus Trescothick who played and missed a couple of times without moving his feet. MacGill said 'Blimey, Marcus, have you got lead in your boots or are you just pleased to see me?!' That was funny enough but Tresco apparently came straight back with 'Hey Stuart, you're not fit to lace Shane Warne's drinks...' Classic! You can't beat cricket sledging! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Fred Roberts, Old England landlord and ex Glos cricketer, interviewed in the 1920's: Journalist: tell me, Mr Roberts, did WG ever cheat when you played with him? ...long pause... FR: Bless you no, sir. He were far to clever for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Isewater Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 A very awkward customer when i was a young 'un played it the big iam in front of her husband when selecting a bed .She knew everything about beds and did n't hesitate to try and belittle me . She complained about the price when i suggested a cheaper model might be more suitable for her. Aghast she exclaimed "i've never been so insulted in my life " To which i replied " You should get out more" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Port Said Red Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Fred Roberts, Old England landlord and ex Glos cricketer, interviewed in the 1920's: Journalist: tell me, Mr Roberts, did WG ever cheat when you played with him? ...long pause... FR: Bless you no, sir. He were far to clever for that. My favourite WG story is that he was bowled very early on in an innings and he turned around placed the bails back on the wicket saying "it's windy today isn't it?" to which the umpire replied, "aye, mind it doesn't blow your hat off on the way back to the pavilion" !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downendcity Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I believe this is a true story. At an airport check in desk the young airline girl was trying to calm a long queue of increasingly frustrated travellers. The flight was delayed and no one knew what was happening. Passengers were becoming increasingly agitated, in particular a well dressed man , some way back in the queue who made his feelings known to all about him. Eventually the man barged his way to the front of the queue and confronted the check in girl. " You have to sort a flight out for me, as I have a vitally important business meeting to attend" he demanded. The girl tried to explain that every passenger was in the same boat ( so to speak!) and that he would have to wait his turn and that she was sure the airline would do everything possible to find a solution. Not satisfied with her answer, the man bellowed into her face " Do you know who I am !". With that the girl took a breath, stood up at the check in desk and called for quite from the queue. " Ladies and gentlemen" she called out, "is there a doctor present as we need urgent medical for a passenger at the head of the queue who has suffered sudden and complete amnesia, as he has no idea who he is!" For anyone in customer service, who many times would you have loved to come up with something like this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lew-T Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Think it was Merv Hughes who said to Ian Botham as he came out to bat."Hows your wife and my kids Ian?" Botham replied " wifes fine, kids are retarded" That was Rodney Marsh. Hilarious though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slartibartfast Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Fred Truman twice pinned the batsman on the back foot with successive balls, pretty much plumb LB. Each time the ump was unmoved. Third ball, out went the unfortunate batsman's middle stump cartwheeling away. "Nearly got the ****** THAT time!" shouted Fred. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PHILINFRANCE Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I believe this is a true story. At an airport check in desk the young airline girl was trying to calm a long queue of increasingly frustrated travellers. The flight was delayed and no one knew what was happening. Passengers were becoming increasingly agitated, in particular a well dressed man , some way back in the queue who made his feelings known to all about him. Eventually the man barged his way to the front of the queue and confronted the check in girl. " You have to sort a flight out for me, as I have a vitally important business meeting to attend" he demanded. The girl tried to explain that every passenger was in the same boat ( so to speak!) and that he would have to wait his turn and that she was sure the airline would do everything possible to find a solution. Not satisfied with her answer, the man bellowed into her face " Do you know who I am !". With that the girl took a breath, stood up at the check in desk and called for quite from the queue. " Ladies and gentlemen" she called out, "is there a doctor present as we need urgent medical for a passenger at the head of the queue who has suffered sudden and complete amnesia, as he has no idea who he is!" For anyone in customer service, who many times would you have loved to come up with something like this? Indeed true. New Zealand Airways, from memory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Freddie Flintoff to Tino Best...... "Mind the windows Tino" who then got stumped next ball going for a big hit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lew-T Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Cricket sledging is class. No other sport comes close! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northern Red Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Ian Botham on arrival in Australia is asked at Immigration whether he has any criminal convictions. His reply - "I didn't know I needed any" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Ian Botham on arrival in Australia is asked at Immigration whether he has any criminal convictions. His reply - "I didn't know I needed any" Fred Trueman - "I didn't know they were still necessary". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Fred Trueman was ordered to let a young amateur have "one off the mark" in a friendly, which he did. Next time the lad faced him, Fred bowled an absolute Jaffa that pitched outside off and took middle and leg. "Well bowled, Fred!" "Aye, wasted on thee, lad." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murraysrightplum Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Matt Dawson on his way back from winning rugby world cup: "I went through the metal detector at the airport in Sydney and kept setting it off. "I took my watch off and that didn't work. So I took my change out of my pocket - and that didn't work so the Aussie security guard said 'I'm going to have to frisk you'. "I said 'Oh no hang on a minute' and lifted my shirt up and showed him my medal! The air was blue for a few minutes..." Not a put down but quite a funny story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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