where's the joy Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Here's an old one about the mighty devon white who's manager once said "his first touch was so bad he couldn't trap a medicine ball" any better ones out there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luke_bristol Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 "Want me to sign that you p***k?" Alan Shearer to Roy Keane after Keane threw the ball at him in frustration Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BS34Red Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Not football but I always like to use out of millions of sperm and you were the fastest one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riddlesdown red Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Cricket- glen McGrath to an Indian or Pakistani batsman. " why are you so fat?" Reply because every time I shag your wife she throws me a biscuit. McGrath apparently had to be restrained after this retort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
where's the joy Posted May 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 bill shankly to tony hateley bill "why didn't you kick it, why try to use your head?" tony "because I'm good in the air boss" bill "so was douglas bader and even he could kick a ball better than you" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bard Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Cricket- glen McGrath to an Indian or Pakistani batsman. " why are you so fat?" Reply because every time I shag your wife she throws me a biscuit. McGrath apparently had to be restrained after this retort. It was actually a Zimbabwean number 11 called Edo Brandes. If you bat 11 for Zimbabwe you're probably the worst batsman in test cricket. Most of the Aussies just p***ed themselves laughing when he said it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InCider Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Here's an old one about the mighty devon white who's manager once said "his first touch was so bad he couldn't trap a medicine ball" any better ones out there? Along similar lines, someone once said that they couldn't kick a ball as far as Carlton Palmer could trap it. Might have been Zidane who said it, but can't remember. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southport Red Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Shankley, when asked who was better, Tom Finney or Kevin Keegan. Shanks. "I'd say there are about the same" Journo,"Surprised to hear you say that Bill" Shanks "Yes, but you have to remember, Finney IS 68! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catcott_red1 Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 I shouted this at Andy Reid when he lined up as a one man wall last season for a freekick near the corner flag... "Do you count as a two man wall then Reid you fat ****" I got a huge laugh from my block. He heard it and we scored from the free kick haha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nickolas Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveybadger Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Shankley, when asked who was better, Tom Finney or Kevin Keegan. Shanks. "I'd say there are about the same" Journo,"Surprised to hear you say that Bill" Shanks "Yes, but you have to remember, Finney IS 68! Similar one - Don Bradman asked how many he'd average against the modern era's bowlers. He said about 45, then added i am 85 though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveybadger Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Plus Aussie cricket fan to Phil Tufnell : oi Tufnell, lend me your brain, i'm building an idiot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myol'man Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Paul Collingwood to Michael Vaughn on yet another dropped catch " you've got hands like my feet!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cider hoss rules Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Viv Richards & Greg Thomas. In a county match in England, Thomas was bowling to Richards and getting a few to whizz past the bat. After Richards played and missed another one, Thomas said: "It's red, it's round. Now *****n hit it!". This obviously angered Richards who proceeded to hit the next ball out of the ground. Richards: "You know what it looks like now go and get it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mahatma Coate Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Plus Aussie cricket fan to Phil Tufnell : oi Tufnell, lend me your brain, i'm building an idiot! It was Ian Healy, the wicketkeeper who said that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mahatma Coate Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 "Mr Churchill, you're drunk". "Mrs Blount, you are ugly, but I'll be sober in the morning" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PHILINFRANCE Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Cricket- glen McGrath to an Indian or Pakistani batsman. " why are you so fat?" Reply because every time I shag your wife she throws me a biscuit. McGrath apparently had to be restrained after this retort. I think you will find it was the Zimbabwean Eddo Brandes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveybadger Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 It was Ian Healy, the wicketkeeper who said that. Think its disputed as seen various quoted as saying it. Regardless its a top put down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mahatma Coate Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Think its disputed as seen various quoted as saying it. Regardless its a top put down! Tuffers accredited it to Ian Healy on TV the other evening - a repeat of Room 101 I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welcome To The Jungle Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 I think it may have been Alex Ferguson who said that Robbie Savage had everything a top player needs except talent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pongo88 Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Good one from Brian Clough when Martin O'Neill asked him why he had been dropped to the 2nd team Brian: "Because Martin, you're far too good for my 3rd team!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bristol Rob Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 My father on the previously mentioned Devon White; 'He'll never be a footballer whilst he has a hole in his arse'. Granted, he also once described AIDS as being 'the gay plague', so it wouldn't be unfair to dismiss his comments and pure bigotry. (He is getting better though). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southport Red Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 "Mr Churchill, you're drunk". "Mrs Blount, you are ugly, but I'll be sober in the morning" Or the one with Lady Astor Astor: "Mr Churchill, if I was married to you, I would put poison in your coffee" Churchill: "Madam, if I was married to you, I would drink it" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveybadger Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 Tuffers accredited it to Ian Healy on TV the other evening - a repeat of Room 101 I think. Fair enough, straight from the idiot's mouth, as it were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
italian dave Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 No idea who this involved, but I always remember this exchange between a top player and a ref being reported some years ago Player: You're ******* blind ref Ref: Just as well I didn't hear that or you'd have a yellow card Player: ******* deaf as well eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 Along similar lines, someone once said that they couldn't kick a ball as far as Carlton Palmer could trap it. Might have been Zidane who said it, but can't remember. George Best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JammyOne Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 Just all of this: Ali G: Now Scary is you comfy? Beckham what about you? David Beckham: All right. Ali G: Listen just because this is Comic Relief doesn't mean you should speak in a silly voice, right. Now where did you two meet? Victoria Beckham: We met at the football. Ali G: Beckham, was you into the Spice Girls beforehand? David Beckham: No but I was into Posh. Ali G: Had you already seen a picture of her and knocked one out? That's a yes innit? But what about that that picture of her in a catsuit and boots that come up well high. Apparently in that video if you freeze frame it you can actually see a tiny bit of camel toe. Yeah that's more like a camel hoof. It must be amazing going out with a Spice Girl but in an ideal world, and no disrespect to your bitch, in an ideal world wouldn't you rather be with Baby? So how many of the Spice Girls turned you down before you went for her. You went for Scary first what? David Beckham: No just this one. Ali G: Now does you go to watch him play football. Victoria Beckham: Yeah I do whenever I can because Brooklyn loves going to watch him so as much as we can. Ali G: Me heard that there is an insulting song that they sing about you has you heard it, what is the words? Victoria Beckham: They say Posh Spice. Ali G: That you take it up the arse. Victoria Beckham: That's right. Ali G: But that's not insulting that the biggest compliment you can pay someone. No but seriously, does you take it up the botty? Victoria Beckham: No of course I don't. Ali G: Beckham, you telling me you aint never been caught offside? David Beckham: No. Ali G: But me heard you is well good at getting round the back and swinging your balls in right? Victoria Beckham: They do say it's the way he bends it I have to say. Ali G: Respect, respect, a little bit of a different vibe from Parkinson. Now Beckham do you reckon the better the footballer you is the fitter the girl you go out with. David Beckham: Obviously. Ali G: So you is the best at football so you get Posh, so does Sporty Spice go out with someone from S****horpe United? Victoria Beckham: That's terrible. Ali G: What do you mean? Victoria Beckham: That's my friend and she is lovely. Ali G: Exactly what is you trying to say, S****horpe is not a good team? Victoria Beckham: Yes. Ali G: That's is a horrible thing to say about her. You has got a little nipper. Do you reckon you is good parents. Victoria Beckham: Yes I do think we are good parents. Ali G: So when did you teach him to roll his first spliff? Victoria Beckham: I will never teach him that. Ali G: Why not, you should never deny your kid education. So what's he called? Victoria Beckham: Brooklyn. Ali G: All right and how did you come up with that name? Victoria Beckham: Well we found out that I was pregnant when I was on tour in America and we was in Brooklyn when we found out. Ali G: So had you actually done it there? Victoria Beckham: No we didn't do it there. Ali G: Ah, for real. Victoria Beckham: We did it in Denmark if you really want to know. Ali G: How come you never called him Denmark? That would be a well good idea though what. If me and my Julie had a kid we would call him Langley village. Well his full name would be the bogs in the KFC in Langley village. So tell me does Brooklyn like your music or is he getting a bit old for it now? Victoria Beckham: He does like music he jiggs about and dances. He's also into football as well so its nice. Ali G: Respect. Victoria Beckham: A footballer with rhythm. Ali G: So tell me is your little boy starting to put whole sentences together? Victoria Beckham: He's saying little bits and pieces, yeah. Ali G: And what about Brooklyn? Victoria Beckham: That was Brooklyn. Ali G: So do you want him to grow up to be a footballer like his dad or a singer like Mariah Carey? Victoria Beckham: Well I'm hoping he will grow up to be a footballer like his dad and I'd like to grow up and be a singer like Mariah Carey. Ali G: Respect. We has got to have a break now because Posh is going to do a bit of breast feeding back stage. Just out of interest is there one going spare? Check you later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Who Are Rovers? Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 This never fails to make me laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexukhc Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 Rovers in the conference... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
where's the joy Posted June 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 here's another one old left back for birmingham city at being shown the yellow card what was that for ref? a late tackle son but i got there as quick as i could! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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