Complaint to Walkers Crisps...

[exAtyeoMax]

On 11/9/2015, 2:27:52, Fordy62 said:

Ok, so it's international break weekend and boredom has set in early for me. So I decided to entertain myself for half an hour by writing a letter of complaint to Walkers. At the very least I expect to get a free pack of crisps out of it. Please feel free to read the below and don't fall into the same trap that i did... Needless to say I wasn't impressed...

 

Dear Sir/Madam,

 

Please first be aware that it takes a lot for me to complain. I once watched my father write to Nestle and complain that his Kit-Kat had no wafer in; it was all chocolate. I didn’t consider that grounds to complain, I thought if anything he was lucky, but he had the last laugh when sent a full pack of replacement Kit-Kats.

 

Anyway… I was shopping in a bustling Morrisons Supermarket yesterday, when I happened upon the crisp section. Now, you may consider the following scenario as partly my fault because everyone knows that you shouldn’t go food shopping while hungry, and boy was I hungry. Anyway… I perused the crisp aisle and my attention was immediately drawn to Walkers Sensations Roast Beef and ‘Fiery’ Horseradish flavor crisps. You’ll note the inverted commas around ‘Fiery’ and this may give you some clue as to what direction this letter is heading.

 

Horseradish is one of my very favourite things. I cant get enough of the bloody stuff, so when I saw them, I helped myself to not one, but two packets (just in case I couldn’t wait until next weeks shop after having consumed the first packet).

 

Upon returning home, I unpacked the car to allow the wife to put the shopping away (I’m a true gent you see), and ripped open the first of the bags. My first thought was back to my teenage years when Brannigan’s Roast Beef and Mustard were common place (prior to their unexplained demise) and I felt on the cusp of something special… The unmistakable hot rush of fire up my nostrils as they struggled to cope with the blazing inferno of the Fiery Horseradish.

 

Fiery they were not.

 

They were about as fiery as a fortnight stay in Antarctica. Fiery as blast in the face with a German water cannon. About as fiery as eating a double Mr Whippy in under 30 seconds.

 

They were as fiery as a refreshing pint of cider after a wonderful warm summer’s walk. As fiery as a log flume ride in mid January. Do I need to carry on?

 

I wondered if it was just me. So I passed a crisp to my three year-old daughter Jemima. In a protective fatherly way, I warned her “You wont like them, they’re a bit spicy” (NB I don’t make a habit of lying to my child). She put the crisp into her mouth and nodded as if to give the seal of approval. Nodded? She hates anything that isn’t bland!

 

Do the taste technicians (this is what you should call them if they’re not already called that), not speak to the marketing department? Almost any other adjective in the world would have been more appropriate than ‘Fiery’. Here are some suggestions;

 

Roast Beef with a touch of subtle Horseradish.

 

Roast Beef with refreshing Horseradish.

 

Roast Beef with almost non-existent Horseradish.

 

Seriously, I know that Frito-Lay know how to make flavoursome crisps, in fact you invented Doritos Roulette, which incidentally if you Google, the top hit comes back as “I thought I was going to die says girl who ate spicy Doritos!”. Yet remarkably you don’t brand them as ‘Fiery’. (NB Doritos Roulette are delicious and the little girl in the article needs to man up a little).

 

Can you see my issue here? This is as blatant a case of false advertising as I’ve ever seen. It is almost worthy of a visit by BBC’s Matt Alwright dressed up as an old man or a call to trading standards. The police may even have some interest as any persons who makes a false representation with the intention of causing gain for himself or risk of loss to another is guilty of an offence. The use of the word ‘Fiery’ completely fits that. I’m almost considering Ford V Frito Lay and I’ll even let you pick a Judge – Judy or Rinder.

 

I have never had an issue with Walkers products. But this has made me sad. I was like an excited teenager again, but one taste made me realize that I’m just a middle aged 30-something.

 

Does Gary Lineker know about this? Because he wouldn’t approve.

 

I patiently await your fiery response.

 

Fiery regards,

 

Fordy

 

Have you tried the roast beef baguette with horseradish in The Orchard (next to the SS Great Britain)? 

Now that is fiery…

[exAtyeoMax]

On 11/11/2015, 5:03:47, bobbyhutchscurlymullet said:

@Fordy62 Head to Farmfoods.....the said demise of brannigans roast beef and mustard is a myth.Ive only just had some this afternoon!

Was going to say I saw them somewhere recently

[Red-Robbo]

4 hours ago, Red Right Hand said:

Don`t diss the sprout! One of mother nature`s finest creations along with that monarch of pulses, the broad bean.

 

3 hours ago, Rouge Sans Pareil said:

Sprout and bacon soup is  ambrosia ! Desist from this heretical talk!

No sorry. In any sane society propagation of green snot buds (sprouts) would be punishable by death.

It's the only way to save the youth from the community destroying flatulence. 

[Aizoon]

13 hours ago, Red-Robbo said:

 

No sorry. In any sane society propagation of green snot buds (sprouts) would be punishable by death.

It's the only way to save the youth from the community destroying flatulence. 

Preferably slow and lingering. Sprouts are the spawn of the devil.

[BigTone]

1 hour ago, Aizoon said:

Preferably slow and lingering. Sprouts are the spawn of the devil.

i love sprouts and the farts that follow

[Aizoon]

Just now, BigTone said:

i love sprouts and the farts that follow

And we all know from whence the devil speaks

[BigTone]

1 hour ago, Aizoon said:

And we all know from whence the devil speaks

yeah right ..................... my arse 

[BigTone]

2 hours ago, Aizoon said:

And we all know from whence the devil speaks

tell you what Aiz he's having a good conversation right now and not a sprout in sight 

[Son of Fred]

On 09/11/2015 14:27:52, Fordy62 said:

Ok, so it's international break weekend and boredom has set in early for me. So I decided to entertain myself for half an hour by writing a letter of complaint to Walkers. At the very least I expect to get a free pack of crisps out of it. Please feel free to read the below and don't fall into the same trap that i did... Needless to say I wasn't impressed...

 

Dear Sir/Madam,

 

Please first be aware that it takes a lot for me to complain. I once watched my father write to Nestle and complain that his Kit-Kat had no wafer in; it was all chocolate. I didn’t consider that grounds to complain, I thought if anything he was lucky, but he had the last laugh when sent a full pack of replacement Kit-Kats.

 

Anyway… I was shopping in a bustling Morrisons Supermarket yesterday, when I happened upon the crisp section. Now, you may consider the following scenario as partly my fault because everyone knows that you shouldn’t go food shopping while hungry, and boy was I hungry. Anyway… I perused the crisp aisle and my attention was immediately drawn to Walkers Sensations Roast Beef and ‘Fiery’ Horseradish flavor crisps. You’ll note the inverted commas around ‘Fiery’ and this may give you some clue as to what direction this letter is heading.

 

Horseradish is one of my very favourite things. I cant get enough of the bloody stuff, so when I saw them, I helped myself to not one, but two packets (just in case I couldn’t wait until next weeks shop after having consumed the first packet).

 

Upon returning home, I unpacked the car to allow the wife to put the shopping away (I’m a true gent you see), and ripped open the first of the bags. My first thought was back to my teenage years when Brannigan’s Roast Beef and Mustard were common place (prior to their unexplained demise) and I felt on the cusp of something special… The unmistakable hot rush of fire up my nostrils as they struggled to cope with the blazing inferno of the Fiery Horseradish.

 

Fiery they were not.

 

They were about as fiery as a fortnight stay in Antarctica. Fiery as blast in the face with a German water cannon. About as fiery as eating a double Mr Whippy in under 30 seconds.

 

They were as fiery as a refreshing pint of cider after a wonderful warm summer’s walk. As fiery as a log flume ride in mid January. Do I need to carry on?

 

I wondered if it was just me. So I passed a crisp to my three year-old daughter Jemima. In a protective fatherly way, I warned her “You wont like them, they’re a bit spicy” (NB I don’t make a habit of lying to my child). She put the crisp into her mouth and nodded as if to give the seal of approval. Nodded? She hates anything that isn’t bland!

 

Do the taste technicians (this is what you should call them if they’re not already called that), not speak to the marketing department? Almost any other adjective in the world would have been more appropriate than ‘Fiery’. Here are some suggestions;

 

Roast Beef with a touch of subtle Horseradish.

 

Roast Beef with refreshing Horseradish.

 

Roast Beef with almost non-existent Horseradish.

 

Seriously, I know that Frito-Lay know how to make flavoursome crisps, in fact you invented Doritos Roulette, which incidentally if you Google, the top hit comes back as “I thought I was going to die says girl who ate spicy Doritos!”. Yet remarkably you don’t brand them as ‘Fiery’. (NB Doritos Roulette are delicious and the little girl in the article needs to man up a little).

 

Can you see my issue here? This is as blatant a case of false advertising as I’ve ever seen. It is almost worthy of a visit by BBC’s Matt Alwright dressed up as an old man or a call to trading standards. The police may even have some interest as any persons who makes a false representation with the intention of causing gain for himself or risk of loss to another is guilty of an offence. The use of the word ‘Fiery’ completely fits that. I’m almost considering Ford V Frito Lay and I’ll even let you pick a Judge – Judy or Rinder.

 

I have never had an issue with Walkers products. But this has made me sad. I was like an excited teenager again, but one taste made me realize that I’m just a middle aged 30-something.

 

Does Gary Lineker know about this? Because he wouldn’t approve.

 

I patiently await your fiery response.

 

Fiery regards,

 

Fordy

 

Try "real crisps"jalepeno pepper...hoofing.

[Aizoon]

Has to be Marmite crisps for Horace and me. Very tasty and just right with Symonds cider.

[Mike Hunt-Hertz]

On 11 November 2015 20:54:06, WhistleHappy said:

Crispy Bogeys, Ear Wax and Knob Cheddar flavour crispy crinklecut fries has always been a favourite at the Mem, I believe, at least ever since Hedgehog flavour crisps got the chop.

What about horse flavour?

[Major Isewater]

If you like 'fiery' not 'fairy ' buy some wasabi paste and dip you ready salteds in that .

Hot sinus clear out and tears a plenty .

 

['Orns]

Had dinner at the in laws last night, lovely bit of roast beef, roast spuds etc - then the horseradish got passed around

The dirty bastards. And sprouts, needless to say, I didn't stick around too long....

[Barrs Court Red]

12 minutes ago, Woodsy said:

Had dinner at the in laws last night, lovely bit of roast beef, roast spuds etc - then the horseradish got passed around

The dirty bastards. And sprouts, needless to say, I didn't stick around too long....

That's why they got it out.....

[Fordy62]

2 hours ago, Woodsy said:

Had dinner at the in laws last night, lovely bit of roast beef, roast spuds etc - then the horseradish got passed around

The dirty bastards. And sprouts, needless to say, I didn't stick around too long....

Good job you're already married or they'd soon realise what a massive pussy you are!

[Big C]

So have Walkers responded yet?

['Orns]

2 hours ago, Barrs Court Red said:

That's why they got it out.....

Ha, the bastards! Didn't think of it that way round.....!

58 minutes ago, Fordy62 said:

Good job you're already married or they'd soon realise what a massive pussy you are!

I don't think Mrs Woodsy had the horseradish, I can definitely confirm she had sprouts though....was windy enough last night without that!

[Fordy62]

55 minutes ago, Big C said:

So have Walkers responded yet?

Not yet I'm afraid. I think you're expecting too much of their customer services. I imagine they deal with real complaints first. 

[Fordy62]

19 hours ago, Big C said:

So have Walkers responded yet?

Letter received this morning. Unfortunately it was a serious response apologising and saying they'd pass my feedback onto the marketing department. 

On the plus side £3 to spend on crisps. 

[Fordy62]

[...]

Biggest complaint HAS to be discontinuing the famous 'Hedgehog' flavour crisps??

Unusual taste, as I recall, but satisfying, simply because of the emotional experience.

We will never know if there was actually any hog, or if it was just 'a flavouring'.

(Sigh).

 

Uncle TFR

 

 

[Red-Robbo]

On 18/11/2015, 10:35:24, Major Isewater said:

If you like 'fiery' not 'fairy ' buy some wasabi paste and dip you ready salteds in that .

Hot sinus clear out and tears a plenty .

 

In Japan you get a complimentary pot of wasabi and some rice crackers at bars. Volcanic!

Also, instead of crisps or peanuts, you get these really salty mangetout things. Yummy. 

[...]

1 minute ago, Red-Robbo said:

In Japan you get a complimentary pot of wasabi and some rice crackers at bars. Volcanic!

Also, instead of crisps or peanuts, you get these really salty mangetout things. Yummy. 

Have you tried Japanese style pancakes with wasabi mayo and toasted sesame?

They are "gert lush".

I suspect Walkers ignore this as that Line-acre bloke is such a peasant.

 

Uncle TFR

 

[Red-Robbo]

2 minutes ago, Taxi for Rennie said:

Have you tried Japanese style pancakes with wasabi mayo and toasted sesame?

They are "gert lush".

I suspect Walkers ignore this as that Line-acre bloke is such a peasant.

 

Uncle TFR

 

That sounds like one for my next visit :-)

[...]

2 minutes ago, Red-Robbo said:

That sounds like one for my next visit :-)

No no no.

This is upper class nosh.

Labour voters have a special buffet laid out for them in the back - essentially it's a rather large trough, garnished with 1/2 dozen dead dogs.

You can't have it both ways!

 

Uncle TFR

[Red-Robbo]

Just now, Taxi for Rennie said:

No no no.

This is upper class nosh.

Labour voters have a special buffet laid out for them in the back - essentially it's a rather large trough, garnished with 1/2 dozen dead dogs.

You can't have it both ways!

 

Uncle TFR

I haven't voted Labour since 1987. Can I have half a pancake? 

[...]

1 minute ago, Red-Robbo said:

I haven't voted Labour since 1987. Can I have half a pancake? 

That's right, and I'm blonde with big tits.

 

 

Uncle TFR

[Red-Robbo]

1 minute ago, Taxi for Rennie said:

That's right, and I'm blonde with big tits.

 

 

Uncle TFR

You must be that bloke who sits in Row 19 in front of me. Blond, big tits and a gurt big beer gut n'all. 

[...]

5 hours ago, Red-Robbo said:

You must be that bloke who sits in Row 19 in front of me. Blond, big tits and a gurt big beer gut n'all. 

I'm not getting into a slagging match with you, here, on this forum, "Mr poo-poo pants".

 

Uncle TFR

[Smokey]

On 9 November 2015 14:58:24, Woodsy said:

Ha - that made I chuckle, although you bring it on yourself young Fordy. Horseradish? ******* horseradish? I can only imagine that the actual horseradish flavour is scrapped off Satan's bollocks, from somewhere near where they get olives from, I suspect

Awful, awful flavour

It also worries me you liked the beef and mustard crisps back in the day. Odd choices

I'm more annoyed I can't find Walkers Marmite crisps anywhere now? I can only presume the voting public has jettisoned that flavour first, the ******* idiots

walkers marmite are in tesco. also marmite do their own crisps