Mad Cyril Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 Aside from all the drama on the pitch. I would welcome some advice on potential drama in the stand. So with the stadium redevelopment, I find my season ticket seat in my third spot in the ground in three seasons. All is good. Until now. So far I have been largely fortunate to share my little bit of rented Ashton Gate with good people. Until this season. Yep, I have Mr Grade One Nobber sat behind me now with a compulsion to issue dire commentary out loud for 90 minutes at every home game to every effing pass and moment of the match. God, if I want to hear cr@p like 'close him' 'he's done you' 'push up' 'hit the target' 'he's left his team mates under pressure taking that red' and other such splurge of hindsight cliches, I will tune into radio Bristol. So my options - 1) ignore a fellow red, he is one of our own and entitled to shout what he wants. 2) stuff having a moan on the forum. Man up Cyril and have a polite word with him. What could go wrong with 5 months of the season to go sat in front of him. You will be helping him to address his anger issues. 3) contact Bris Sport and pay the fee for the five of you to shift seats. Enjoy the rest of the season behind a restricted view. 4) stuff that, turn round, stab him on the face with a rusty screwdriver, cut his chest open and rip his beating heart out, eat it in front of his face, then cut his head off and sh1t down his neck. Dance round his twitching corpse and sing I can't here you anymore. Any constructive advice appreciated. I will go with the most popular vote and take 20 years to cheer up the forum as required. Thanks, Cyril. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeAman08 Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 Option 1 but only because there are probably 15 of you sat around me thinking the same thing. Most of the time it's not a conscious thing but I do tend to moan quite a bit. And I don't fancy being stabbed with a rusty screwdriver so hopefully my vote helps spare a fellow moaning red. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 I must attract these types too. Last season I moved because of a unpleasant large man sprawling across his seat and mine. This season I have a bloke behind me who digs his knees into my back, yes the legroom in the Dolman isn't great and I can forgive him for that, but them he seems to jiggle/shake his legs like he's either nervous/excited or shivering all match!!!! It's like having an unpleasant massage all match. I've taken to pushing back in my seat and trying to squash him more, this works for a few moments then he starts again. I can't describe how fricking annoying it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bar BS3 Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 2. Man up and stop whinging on a forum about someone you sit right next to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welcome To The Jungle Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 Come and join us over here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoSheds Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 I have been following this forum for years but have never signed up untill today, so this is my first post bear with me. Saw your post and I to have two fellow reds behind me, I would not mind a football commentary either positive or negative and amusing jokes comments etc. But the two guys behind me talking loud about the pros and cons of their decorating business this has been going on for weeks, today I said cmon lads just watch the football, this was followed by every other word beginning with the letter F. Now if I wanted to hear all about fitting removing priming sealing painting skirting boards then of to finish painting the Kitchen Bathroom I would watch Homes under the Hammer or DIY sos So I had my quiet word what now? Ca we swap seats? (joke) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shtanley Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 Earplugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfOfWestStreet Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 Just stab the**** in the neck. Im in that kind of mood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Cyril Posted December 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 43 minutes ago, TwoSheds said: this was followed by every other word beginning with the letter F. Now if I wanted to hear all about fitting removing priming sealing pain. Can we swap seats? (joke) Hey welcome TwoSheds. Your swap offer can be option 5. I would happily swap, but I am now committed to the will of OTIB. Let the forum decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REDOXO Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 1 hour ago, Mad Cyril said: Aside from all the drama on the pitch. I would welcome some advice on potential drama in the stand. So with the stadium redevelopment, I find my season ticket seat in my third spot in the ground in three seasons. All is good. Until now. So far I have been largely fortunate to share my little bit of rented Ashton Gate with good people. Until this season. Yep, I have Mr Grade One Nobber sat behind me now with a compulsion to issue dire commentary out loud for 90 minutes at every home game to every effing pass and moment of the match. God, if I want to hear cr@p like 'close him' 'he's done you' 'push up' 'hit the target' 'he's left his team mates under pressure taking that red' and other such splurge of hindsight cliches, I will tune into radio Bristol. So my options - 1) ignore a fellow red, he is one of our own and entitled to shout what he wants. 2) stuff having a moan on the forum. Man up Cyril and have a polite word with him. What could go wrong with 5 months of the season to go sat in front of him. You will be helping him to address his anger issues. 3) contact Bris Sport and pay the fee for the five of you to shift seats. Enjoy the rest of the season behind a restricted view. 4) stuff that, turn round, stab him on the face with a rusty screwdriver, cut his chest open and rip his beating heart out, eat it in front of his face, then cut his head off and sh1t down his neck. Dance round his twitching corpse and sing I can't here you anymore. Any constructive advice appreciated. I will go with the most popular vote and take 20 years to cheer up the forum as required. Thanks, Cyril. I used to take Ear Plugs...Didnt shut it all out, but it helped and eventually said penis got the message....Ask one of your mates at BAe for some ear defenders even better and it will keep your ears warm!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loco Rojo Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 how about this. Get down there a bit earlier and repaint the row letter to something further up the alphabet and watch him keep climbing the steps to find his seat. Problem solved for you at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davefevs Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 54 minutes ago, WolfOfWestStreet said: Just stab the**** in the neck. Im in that kind of mood. ...and do the ref whilst you're at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barrs Court Red Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 2 hours ago, Mad Cyril said: Aside from all the drama on the pitch. I would welcome some advice on potential drama in the stand. So with the stadium redevelopment, I find my season ticket seat in my third spot in the ground in three seasons. All is good. Until now. So far I have been largely fortunate to share my little bit of rented Ashton Gate with good people. Until this season. Yep, I have Mr Grade One Nobber sat behind me now with a compulsion to issue dire commentary out loud for 90 minutes at every home game to every effing pass and moment of the match. God, if I want to hear cr@p like 'close him' 'he's done you' 'push up' 'hit the target' 'he's left his team mates under pressure taking that red' and other such splurge of hindsight cliches, I will tune into radio Bristol. So my options - 1) ignore a fellow red, he is one of our own and entitled to shout what he wants. 2) stuff having a moan on the forum. Man up Cyril and have a polite word with him. What could go wrong with 5 months of the season to go sat in front of him. You will be helping him to address his anger issues. 3) contact Bris Sport and pay the fee for the five of you to shift seats. Enjoy the rest of the season behind a restricted view. 4) stuff that, turn round, stab him on the face with a rusty screwdriver, cut his chest open and rip his beating heart out, eat it in front of his face, then cut his head off and sh1t down his neck. Dance round his twitching corpse and sing I can't here you anymore. Any constructive advice appreciated. I will go with the most popular vote and take 20 years to cheer up the forum as required. Thanks, Cyril. Can I interest you in a range of finely crafted bamboo sticks, shivs and traps? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
And Its Smith Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 Leave a letter on his seat before he gets there. Stops any aggro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 26 minutes ago, Loco Rojo said: how about this. Get down there a bit earlier and repaint the row letter to something further up the alphabet and watch him keep climbing the steps to find his seat. Problem solved for you at least. just pretend to take a fancy to him,a couple of games of winks,blowing kisses and asking for a date might make him uncomfortable.tell him how much you love his voice and want to hear more somewhere else. failing that,i like locos idea. if neither of those work,the rusty screwdriver should be deployed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
And Its Smith Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 17 minutes ago, redsquirrel said: just pretend to take a fancy to him,a couple of games of winks,blowing kisses and asking for a date might make him uncomfortable.tell him how much you love his voice and want to hear more somewhere else. failing that,i like locos idea. if neither of those work,the rusty screwdriver should be deployed Go with this. better (and gayer) than my letter idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richwilkins50 Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 Option 4..... Brilliant :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chivs Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 Why don't you just come over and have a word? Oh, and by the way, he really should have hit the target. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted December 6, 2015 Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 1 hour ago, redsquirrel said: just pretend to take a fancy to him,a couple of games of winks,blowing kisses and asking for a date might make him uncomfortable.tell him how much you love his voice and want to hear more somewhere else. failing that,i like locos idea If you can get a bit of training and practice from Duncan Norville you'll scare the pants off of the **** behind you.... Borrow one of Duncans pastel coloured 80"s suits, turn around give the guy behind a wink and a chheeky grin tap his knee and challenge him to chase you... That should do the trick, you wont see his ass for dust, - (or you may find your soul mate and live happily ever after together.. ) ... Go on chase him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slippin cider Posted December 6, 2015 Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 Now im usually an easy going, laid back type of bloke but I'm going with option 4 on this occasion. :-)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I am the mole Posted December 6, 2015 Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 Do you sit in the dolmon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fodbarmyarmy Posted December 6, 2015 Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 Fork me....are you Daesh? They want to kill people who say things they don't like or agree with.as well.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
42nite Posted December 6, 2015 Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 Option 4. And if you do a do a decent job could you come and sort the asshole next to me out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lordofthebling Posted December 6, 2015 Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 Option 6. Man up at the gate but moan about everything he says on OTIB, hope he sees it, then you both become best buddies and ride off into the sunset on your unicorns. Naked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1960maaan Posted December 6, 2015 Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 People can be annoying. You might have a couple of guys who always come in a few minutes late. Then leave for the toilet a little before half time then come back in time for the HT whistle. Repeat in second half and every game ! But you might not I'm in the Dolman this year, but not next ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Isewater Posted December 6, 2015 Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 He might , just , get the hint with option 4 . try it and see if he's quieter for the following match . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exAtyeoMax Posted December 6, 2015 Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 I don't know how you would get in with a rusty screwdriver. You might have to compromise and stab him with an over cooked pasty instead. The crust on those looked pretty mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Colby-Tit Posted December 6, 2015 Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 Arrive at the next game in just a pair of Speedos, with a placard saying "I'm with shouty man" (complete with arrow so you can point it at shouty man). See who backs down first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Cyril Posted December 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 Guys, I am so grateful for all the advice so far. I am genuinely choked. I wish big mouth was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davefevs Posted December 6, 2015 Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 12 hours ago, RedDave said: Leave a letter on his seat before he gets there. Stops any aggro He might not see the letter underneath the red or white card on the seat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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