SJC Posted February 8, 2016 Report Share Posted February 8, 2016 Haven't done so for a while but fancied writing something without a 140 character limit.. Thoughts, opinions - agree or disagree, all very welcome! https://stephencoombes.wordpress.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxjak Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 With the greatest respect…….you are suffering from over writing syndrome. Too many metaphors and similes all fighting for attention, you need to develop a more lean and muscular writing style. Never use five words ……….when one will do. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesBCFC Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 How can an appointment be written off as wrong when they haven't had a chance to do anything yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudolf Hucker Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 Thanks for the opportunity, Stephen but regardless of whether any of us believe it's the right or the wrong appointment, the fact remains: it's the appointment that the board has made. Over the last few days on here, for me the subject's been done to death and rather than further introspection and fortune-telling I'm now focusing only upon the positives. So, I'm out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJC Posted February 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 Thanks for feedback, welcome. Always been a consideration, not helped here by first time I've wrote anything of length for some time! EDIT: FAO 'Maxjak' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twodogs Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 Have to agree with the other posters you've done a bloody long response basically saying the appointment is wrong. Time will tell. It's done. Time to back him and the team!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxjak Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 Sorry to be pedantic………..but its written? Otherwise It Sounds like one of Ernie Wise's plays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJC Posted February 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 Just now, maxjak said: Sorry to be pedantic………..but its written? Haha! No worries. *It's? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bs4Red Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 I stopped reading after you said you forgot City were playing in a match that if won we'd have been promoted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJC Posted February 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 7 minutes ago, Rudolf Hucker said: Thanks for the opportunity, Stephen but regardless of whether any of us believe it's the right or the wrong appointment, the fact remains: it's the appointment that the board has made. Over the last few days on here, for me the subject's been done to death and rather than further introspection and fortune-telling I'm now focusing only upon the positives. So, I'm out. 6 minutes ago, twodogs said: Have to agree with the other posters you've done a bloody long response basically saying the appointment is wrong. Time will tell. It's done. Time to back him and the team!! Always felt in the minority in appreciating Johnson during his playing days here. As stated I think he's an intelligent, promising young coach just not convinced it is the right appointment all things considered. Apologies if this is rehashing old ground for you, I'm an infrequent forum user these days.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downendcity Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 1 hour ago, maxjak said: With the greatest respect…….you are suffering from over writing syndrome. Too many metaphors and similes all fighting for attention, you need to develop a more lean and muscular writing style. Never use five words ……….when one will do. . correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Up The City! Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 Are you Mark Ashton? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Rum Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 6 hours ago, SJC said: Haven't done so for a while but fancied writing something without a 140 character limit.. Thoughts, opinions - agree or disagree, all very welcome! https://stephencoombes.wordpress.com/ Again, with the greatest respect... It appears that you have focussed far more on style than the actual message that you are trying to put across. The result is a cliche riddled lump of prose that reads like a GCSE student's over zealous attempt at a Thomas Hardy critique. Despite the number of words that you have used, it is not really clear what you are trying to say. Think about your audience; people will be far more receptive to a shorter, snappier piece that expresses your opinion in a clear and well balanced manner. Also, go easy on the commas! I agree that these are often under used but you have demonstrated that it is also possible to go the other way. Sorry, you did ask for thoughts and opinions! I guess by posting something like this for all to see you must be expecting mixed feedback? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cityloyal473 Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 46 minutes ago, Red Rum said: Again, with the greatest respect... It appears that you have focussed far more on style than the actual message that you are trying to put across. The result is a cliche riddled lump of prose that reads like a GCSE student's over zealous attempt at a Thomas Hardy critique. Despite the number of words that you have used, it is not really clear what you are trying to say. Think about your audience; people will be far more receptive to a shorter, snappier piece that expresses your opinion in a clear and well balanced manner. Also, go easy on the commas! I agree that these are often under used but you have demonstrated that it is also possible to go the other way. Sorry, you did ask for thoughts and opinions! I guess by posting something like this for all to see you must be expecting mixed feedback? Harsh but fair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roe Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 Why would you be convinced that he's the right appointment though? He hasn't even started yet.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevP Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 It will be interesting to review your novel in 3 months time....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leveller Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 Too long even to attempt to read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJC Posted February 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 2 hours ago, Red Rum said: Again, with the greatest respect... It appears that you have focussed far more on style than the actual message that you are trying to put across. The result is a cliche riddled lump of prose that reads like a GCSE student's over zealous attempt at a Thomas Hardy critique. Despite the number of words that you have used, it is not really clear what you are trying to say. Think about your audience; people will be far more receptive to a shorter, snappier piece that expresses your opinion in a clear and well balanced manner. Also, go easy on the commas! I agree that these are often under used but you have demonstrated that it is also possible to go the other way. Sorry, you did ask for thoughts and opinions! I guess by posting something like this for all to see you must be expecting mixed feedback? Absolutely, certainly no apologies needed, thanks for feedback! Think 'style more than message' is perfectly fair criticism. The length of the post is clearly an issue too, one that I felt might put people off. Being the first time I've tried writing about City for quite some time I found I had a lot to say and, without a defined word limit, didn't put the time I should have into constructing a piece rather than creating a blurb. If anything what I've wrote here is two pieces in one, my swaying feelings of apathy across the Coterrill reign with Johnson's appointment tagged on the end. Understand the GCSE comment but feel it a tad harsh. But thanks for the feedback, much preferred to snooty short and sweet.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Rum Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 1 minute ago, SJC said: Absolutely, certainly no apologies needed, thanks for feedback! Think 'style more than message' is perfectly fair criticism. The length of the post is clearly an issue too, one that I felt might put people off. Being the first time I've tried writing about City for quite some time I found I had a lot to say and, without a defined word limit, didn't put the time I should have into constructing a piece rather than creating a blurb. If anything what I've wrote here is two pieces in one, my swaying feelings of apathy across the Coterrill reign with Johnson's appointment tagged on the end. Understand the GCSE comment but feel it a tad harsh. But thanks for the feedback, much preferred to snooty short and sweet.. Yes, in hindsight it was a bit harsh - sorry for that! No offence meant - you've clearly spent a lot of time and effort on the article. Also fair play for your mature response - lots of people would have just started swearing and firing insults! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJC Posted February 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 4 minutes ago, Red Rum said: Yes, in hindsight it was a bit harsh - sorry for that! No offence meant - you've clearly spent a lot of time and effort on the article. Also fair play for your mature response - lots of people would have just started swearing and firing insults! Again certainly no apologies needed, no offence taken! Think the issue here is the opposite though, I opened my brain and started typing rather than taking the time I should! Forum should be about trading opinions not swearing at strangers or snarky remarks from behind a keyboard.. Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BCFC_Dan Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 I agree with the style criticisms: I felt it seemed a bit incoherent and all over the place, but that could be easily remedied. Whenever I read back my posts on here I'm usually appalled by what I must have thought at the time to be a good turn of phrase or an apt metaphor. Two substantive things that I had issues with, though: 1. You describe Pearson as "a seemingly negotiable opportunity". What are you basing this on? We know he was available and I don't think anyone here knows for a fact what his demands were but the figure mentioned on here was that he was demanding £1.2m a year, hence his not being offered posts at Fulham and/or Reading. Maybe that could be negotiable but it would take a lot of negotiating to make that reasonable for City I think. We have a turnover of around £9m a year and there's just no way we would spend 15% of that just on a manager before we've even begun to fund the kind of playing staff he'd want. 2. You seem to suggest that Johnson only got the job because of his name and that it's an appointment akin to Millen or Tinnion. It's nothing of the sort. Johnson has managed over 150 games with a reasonable win ratio considering the situations. He's managed two different clubs, endured tough spells at both and come out safely on the other side. You seem to think that Garry Monk would represent a better and safer appointment but he has half as much experiences as Johnson at half as many clubs. Yes his experience is at a higher level but there's still substantially less of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ten minutes of rough Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 8 hours ago, maxjak said: With the greatest respect…….you are suffering from over writing syndrome. Too many metaphors and similes all fighting for attention, you need to develop a more lean and muscular writing style. Never use five words ……….when one will do. . I was about to post the same, this piece is way too dramatic, and with the author posing the question has also replied that it is the wrong appointment, in his opinion. Mind you with the rest of the Drama Queens that have been keeping thier collective powders dry, ready for this day, I am not at all surprised. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Dawe Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 25 minutes ago, SJC said: Again certainly no apologies needed, no offence taken! Think the issue here is the opposite though, I opened my brain and started typing rather than taking the time I should! Forum should be about trading opinions not swearing at strangers or snarky remarks from behind a keyboard.. Cheers. All your piece lacked for me was the line: "Moyes have been approached." Never miss a chance to slip that into your writing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YorkshireSection Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 41 minutes ago, SJC said: Absolutely, certainly no apologies needed, thanks for feedback! Think 'style more than message' is perfectly fair criticism. The length of the post is clearly an issue too, one that I felt might put people off. Being the first time I've tried writing about City for quite some time I found I had a lot to say and, without a defined word limit, didn't put the time I should have into constructing a piece rather than creating a blurb. If anything what I've wrote here is two pieces in one, my swaying feelings of apathy across the Coterrill reign with Johnson's appointment tagged on the end. Understand the GCSE comment but feel it a tad harsh. But thanks for the feedback, much preferred to snooty short and sweet.. Good read and some interesting contradictions made by the boards, thanks for spending your time writing this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJC Posted February 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 Won't have chance to reply now but will try to do so later, not ignoring any replies! The basic message is I think Johnson is a promising young coach who will be hindered by fans preconceptions of him and, subsequently, the club have taken an unnecessary risk. For that reason I believe it is the 'wrong' appointment. Maybe I should have just wrote that.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Isewater Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 10 hours ago, SJC said: Haven't done so for a while but fancied writing something without a 140 character limit.. Thoughts, opinions - agree or disagree, all very welcome! https://stephencoombes.wordpress.com/ Bloody rubbish ... what ? I have to read the article before commenting ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Port Said Red Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 3 hours ago, Major Isewater said: Bloody rubbish ... what ? I have to read the article before commenting ? Yeah! What next? Watching a player before deciding he's crap? It's just not cricket Major! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pongo88 Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 15 hours ago, SJC said: Haven't done so for a while but fancied writing something without a 140 character limit.. Thoughts, opinions - agree or disagree, all very welcome! https://stephencoombes.wordpress.com/ My thoughts (in something far less than a 140 character limit) - verbose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EstoniaTallinnRed Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 Let's just wait and see! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BRISTOL86 Posted February 9, 2016 Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 5 hours ago, SJC said: For that reason I believe it is the 'wrong' appointment I'm sure he would be anispeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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