JamesBCFC Posted June 1, 2016 Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 A few years ago I was made to leave foster care, had no family I could stay with and was in full time education. I was living in someone's garage, suffering from depression and all my money except about £10 each week was going towards my rent. Most of my friends had moved away for uni (I repeated a year at sixth form so was a year back) and because I had no money I couldn't travel to visit any, nor afford to go anywhere with the few remaining in the area. Add to this my anxiety at the time meant I felt sick just seeing the people in the house I rented from, let alone talking to them. I had been bought a season ticket for the upcoming season as a birthday present (2013/14) and every Saturday I would use 3 of my 10 pound to get a bus into Bristol, then walk to Ashton Gate from the bus station. Being the 2013/14 season this was invariably a defeat, but just getting away from my box that I lived in, even just for the day, took my mind off of things, and lifted me from a very dark place. I later found out that I have a tendency to hyper focus on things, which would worsen depression when I was in a bad spell, but at the same time my hyper focus on the football and those Saturday's quite probably stopped me from attempting suicide at points- there were many other things going on at the time which I would rather not even try and remember. I didn't always feel happy per se after a game, but always felt much better on Saturdays, regardless of the football result, that I did during the week. I would generally feel better from the Saturday morning too, not just while I was out. Everybody is different, but just getting away from things for even a day, made me feel a lot better at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanterne Rouge Posted June 1, 2016 Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 17 minutes ago, City169 said: A few years ago I was made to leave foster care, had no family I could stay with and was in full time education. I was living in someone's garage, suffering from depression and all my money except about £10 each week was going towards my rent. Most of my friends had moved away for uni (I repeated a year at sixth form so was a year back) and because I had no money I couldn't travel to visit any, nor afford to go anywhere with the few remaining in the area. Add to this my anxiety at the time meant I felt sick just seeing the people in the house I rented from, let alone talking to them. I had been bought a season ticket for the upcoming season as a birthday present (2013/14) and every Saturday I would use 3 of my 10 pound to get a bus into Bristol, then walk to Ashton Gate from the bus station. Being the 2013/14 season this was invariably a defeat, but just getting away from my box that I lived in, even just for the day, took my mind off of things, and lifted me from a very dark place. I later found out that I have a tendency to hyper focus on things, which would worsen depression when I was in a bad spell, but at the same time my hyper focus on the football and those Saturday's quite probably stopped me from attempting suicide at points- there were many other things going on at the time which I would rather not even try and remember. I didn't always feel happy per se after a game, but always felt much better on Saturdays, regardless of the football result, that I did during the week. I would generally feel better from the Saturday morning too, not just while I was out. Everybody is different, but just getting away from things for even a day, made me feel a lot better at times. Fair play mate, that is a hell of a thing to share and thankfully it seems like you got through it. You`re not the first to come on here and tell a tale of how our club has helped someone through some pretty dark times. I`m no psychiatrist but I think it`s got a lot to do with the sense of belonging you get when you`re at the match - in effect you`re out with 12,000 mates. Not just 22 blokes kicking a pigs bladder around is it? It`s so much more than that and some people will never understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dynamite Red Posted June 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 23 minutes ago, Red Right Hand said: Great stuff mate. See, the help is there if you can just pluck up the courage to ask for it - I bet your mate who`s house it is didn`t have any idea of the state you were in until you told him. The new flat is fabulous news (even though it is in Holloway territory in Coalpit Heath!) so things are really on the up for you by the sound of it. One thing you should do now is to find out where the local charities that recycle used furniture and white goods are and get your name down as you`re going to need all that stuff when your flat`s ready for you. Keep it up mate - slow and steady wins the race - and keep in touch. You are absolutely right about my friends shock and to be honest I wish I hadn't kept this dark secret about my mental health for so long, my friends have in general been really good but I also need to get over the point that this is a issue I will live with for the rest of my life, it's not just educating them but also myself. My social worker is hot on the white goods thing and now I have found the help all the pieces are falling in place. The biggest battle was me being honest and open but also finding the people who can help. Certainly a life changing moment in terms of how I see people and want to move forwards with any potential career. Again thank you for your support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dynamite Red Posted June 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 29 minutes ago, City169 said: A few years ago I was made to leave foster care, had no family I could stay with and was in full time education. I was living in someone's garage, suffering from depression and all my money except about £10 each week was going towards my rent. Most of my friends had moved away for uni (I repeated a year at sixth form so was a year back) and because I had no money I couldn't travel to visit any, nor afford to go anywhere with the few remaining in the area. Add to this my anxiety at the time meant I felt sick just seeing the people in the house I rented from, let alone talking to them. I had been bought a season ticket for the upcoming season as a birthday present (2013/14) and every Saturday I would use 3 of my 10 pound to get a bus into Bristol, then walk to Ashton Gate from the bus station. Being the 2013/14 season this was invariably a defeat, but just getting away from my box that I lived in, even just for the day, took my mind off of things, and lifted me from a very dark place. I later found out that I have a tendency to hyper focus on things, which would worsen depression when I was in a bad spell, but at the same time my hyper focus on the football and those Saturday's quite probably stopped me from attempting suicide at points- there were many other things going on at the time which I would rather not even try and remember. I didn't always feel happy per se after a game, but always felt much better on Saturdays, regardless of the football result, that I did during the week. I would generally feel better from the Saturday morning too, not just while I was out. Everybody is different, but just getting away from things for even a day, made me feel a lot better at times. I can relate to all of that and totally empathise with the anxiety and hyper focus which feeds depression. I hope things in your life have improved immeasurably. Keep the red flag flying high. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesBCFC Posted June 1, 2016 Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 6 minutes ago, Red Right Hand said: Fair play mate, that is a hell of a thing to share and thankfully it seems like you got through it. You`re not the first to come on here and tell a tale of how our club has helped someone through some pretty dark times. I`m no psychiatrist but I think it`s got a lot to do with the sense of belonging you get when you`re at the match - in effect you`re out with 12,000 mates. Not just 22 blokes kicking a pigs bladder around is it? It`s so much more than that and some people will never understand. Got through the worst, for now, things have been on the up in general. i think you could be right about the sense of belonging, despite going to the games by myself, I don't feel alone at the games, particularly when there's a good atmosphere. West Brom away this season was a stand out memory for me, ending up 5 rows down from where you started because of the goal, and to an extent being able to chat to opposition fans before/after a game Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesBCFC Posted June 1, 2016 Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 3 minutes ago, Dynamite Red said: I can relate to all of that and totally empathise with the anxiety and hyper focus which feeds depression. I hope things in your life have improved immeasurably. Keep the red flag flying high. Cheers, when I posted I hadn't realised this was an old thread, glad to read things have improved for you, hopefully that will continue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted June 1, 2016 Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 Glad things are improving DR, and well done to you @City169 for being brave enough to share your story. Im a foster carer myself now. Such a shame you weren't able to stay on in your foster placement, or continue to get the support you deserved. Hopefully things are better for you now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dynamite Red Posted August 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2016 Just a little update. I moved into my new flat 2 weeks ago. Still sorting basic furniture to make it more habitable. Many thanks for the help here, my life is slowly being turned around and you can expect my ugly mug at the gate. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fordy62 Posted August 19, 2016 Report Share Posted August 19, 2016 8 minutes ago, Dynamite Red said: Just a little update. I moved into my new flat 2 weeks ago. Still sorting basic furniture to make it more habitable. Many thanks for the help here, my life is slowly being turned around and you can expect my ugly mug at the gate. Thank you. Mate, you may already be aware of it, but if not try freecycle. People give away all sorts of decent (& crap) things on there. Glad to see you're on an upwards trajectory. And if you ever need us, we're here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted August 20, 2016 Report Share Posted August 20, 2016 Great news DR! Hope you get the flat sorted soon. Keep updating us won't you. You've come a long way, even if it doesn't feel like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red-Robbo Posted August 21, 2016 Report Share Posted August 21, 2016 On 19/08/2016 at 23:45, Dynamite Red said: Just a little update. I moved into my new flat 2 weeks ago. Still sorting basic furniture to make it more habitable. Many thanks for the help here, my life is slowly being turned around and you can expect my ugly mug at the gate. Thank you. Good stuff, mate. Like City, the only way is up. Your candidness and willingness to seek help when you needed it, and your literate explanation of your plight, suggests to me that a rosy future awaits you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Hunt-Hertz Posted August 21, 2016 Report Share Posted August 21, 2016 On 19/08/2016 at 23:45, Dynamite Red said: Just a little update. I moved into my new flat 2 weeks ago. Still sorting basic furniture to make it more habitable. Many thanks for the help here, my life is slowly being turned around and you can expect my ugly mug at the gate. Thank you. Good on ya, fella. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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