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List Of Funny Football Quotes

rayer

By rayer
in Football Chat

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rayer

rayer

Posted
Posted

because its a grey depressing day, I have compiled a list of classic quotes from the world of football to cheer you all up.

"Like a midget in a urinal, the ref needs to stay on his toes"

"He's saved the penalty! Boro are back in play, here's another Catchphrase!"

"He's having a 'mare! If he'd been a racehorse they'd have shot him for that"

"That won't help the Green card application"

"Looks as if they are now playing defensive - the keepers staying back!"

'he couldnt finish a dinner'

"oh my god, that tackle was so hard it hurts his whole family!"

"Put a meal and a stewardess on that one because thats gone flying!"

"Stick a fork in Birmingham, they're done".

That was a screamer only equalled by your mum

:dance:

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Sir Colby-Tit

Sir Colby-Tit

Posted
Posted

OK...you asked for it......

"What will you do when you leave football, Jack - will you stay in football?"

(STUART HALL, Radio 5 Live)

"Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot."

(RAY WILKINS, speaking on BBC1)

"I've got a gut feeling in my stomach. . ."

(ALAN SUGAR, speaking on BBC1)

"The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day."

(CHRIS JONES, Evening Standard)

"I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."

(RON AKTINSON in a TV interview)

"Johnson has revelled in the 'hole' behind Dwight Yorke. . ."

(Carling FA Premiership WWW Page)

"An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal."

(DAVE BASSETT, speaking on Sky Sports)

"Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals."

(PETER WITHE, speaking on Radio 5 Live)

"What's it like being in Bethlehem, the place where Christmas began? I suppose it's like seeing Ian Wright at Arsenal...."

(BRUCE RIOCH, ITV)

"And I suppose they [spurs] are nearer to being out of the FA Cup now than at any other time since the first half of this season, when they weren't ever in it anyway."

(JOHN MOTSON, BBC)

"I never make predictions, and I never will."

(PAUL GASCOIGNE)

"And there's Ray Clemence looking as cool as ever out in the cold."

(JIMMY HILL)

"....and the news from Guadalajara where the temperature is 96 degrees, is that Falcao is warming up."

(BRIAN MOORE)

"If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the same thing again."

(TERRY VENABLES)

"The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee."

(MIKE INGHAM)

"I think that was a moment of cool panic there."

(RON ATKINSON)

"Beckenbauer really has gambled all his eggs."

(RON ATKINSON)

"Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve."

(JOHN GREIG)

"It's headed away by John Clark, using his head."

(DEREK RAE)

"Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win this Cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs side."

(MIKE INGHAM)

"He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him."

(BOBBY ROBSON)

"The game is balanced in Arsenal's favour."

(JOHN MOTSON)

"Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different."

(TREVOR BROOKING)

"You have got to miss them to score sometimes."

(DAVE BASSETT)

"Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead."

(TOM FERRIE)

"A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave."

(JOHN HOLLINS)

"And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley. . . unless somebody knocks us out."

(DAVE BASSETT)

"It was that game that put the Everton ship back on the road."

(ALAN GREEN)

"Bobby Robson must be thinking of throwing some fresh legs on."

(KEVIN KEEGAN)

"What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get the ball they are attacking their opponents goal."

(JIMMY HILL)

"Celtic were at one time nine points ahead, but somewhere along the road, their ship went off the rails."

(RICHARD PARK)

"That's football, Mike, Northern Ireland have had several chances and haven't scored but England have had no chances and scored twice."

(TREVOR BROOKING)

"...and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record."

(SPORTS ROUNDUP)

"In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale."

(JOHN LYALL)

"In comparison, there's no comparison."

(RON GREENWOOD)

"I would also think that the action replay showed it to be worse than it actually was."

(RON ATKINSON)

"Mirandinha will have more shots this afternoon than both sides put together."

(MALCOLM McDONALD)

"Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins."

(BRIAN MOORE)

"Football's not like an electric light. You can't just flick the switch and change from quick to slow."

(JOHN GREIG)

"Certain people are for me and certain people are pro me."

(TERRY VENABLES)

"I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way."

(RON ATKINSON)

"And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0."

(IAN DARK)

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."

(DAVID ACFIELD)

"What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio"

(GERRY FRANCIS)

"If we played like this every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistant"

(BRYAN ROBSON)

"If there weren't such a thing as football, we'd all be frustrated footballers."

(MICK LYONS)

"He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head."

(DEREK JOHNSTONE)

"The crowd think that Todd handled the ball.... they must have seen something that nobody else did."

(BARRY DAVIES)

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel"

(STUART PEARCE)

"They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Highway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different."

(KEVIN KEEGAN)

"Glen Hoddle hasn't been the Hoddle we know. Neither has Bryan Robson."

(RON GREENWOOD)

"There's no way Ryan Giggs is another George Best. He's another Ryan Giggs."

(DENIS LAW)

"The only thing I have in common with George Best is that we come from the same place, play for the same club and were discovered by the same man."

(NORMAN WHITESIDE)

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."

(RON ATKINSON)

"I don't think there is anybody bigger or smaller than Maradona."

(KEVIN KEEGAN)

"The minute's silence was immaculate, I have never heard a minute's silence like that."

(GLENN HODDLE)

Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through?"

Terry Venables: "I think it's fifty - fifty."

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kiwicolin

kiwicolin

Posted
Posted

because its a grey depressing day, I have compiled a list of classic quotes from the world of football to cheer you all up.

"Like a midget in a urinal, the ref needs to stay on his toes"

"He's saved the penalty! Boro are back in play, here's another Catchphrase!"

"He's having a 'mare! If he'd been a racehorse they'd have shot him for that"

"That won't help the Green card application"

"Looks as if they are now playing defensive - the keepers staying back!"

'he couldnt finish a dinner'

"oh my god, that tackle was so hard it hurts his whole family!"

"Put a meal and a stewardess on that one because thats gone flying!"

"Stick a fork in Birmingham, they're done".

That was a screamer only equalled by your mum

:dance:

nothing better to do i see :rofl2br::rofl2br:

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Guest DrFaustus

Guest DrFaustus

Posted
Posted

"Brian Tinnion is the man to take us forward" - Mr Lansdown. This is a line (insert new name) wheeled out with regular monotony by Geoffrey Bubbles on appointment of our latest saviour.

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ziderfarmer

ziderfarmer

Posted
Posted

"Brian Tinnion is the man to take us forward" - Mr Lansdown. This is a line (insert new name) wheeled out with regular monotony by Geoffrey Bubbles on appointment of our latest saviour.

"atkins is the man to get us in the play-off, francis is the man to get us in the play-off, thompson is the man to get us in the play-offs" need i carry on quotes from rovers fans.

i seem to remember when you last beat us and were top of division 2 saying "we are going up" then you lost your last seven was it???????

"the lad should have played it out. and in normal circumstances" you know the rest

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Guest DrFaustus

Guest DrFaustus

Posted
Posted

"atkins is the man to get us in the play-off, francis is the man to get us in the play-off, thompson is the man to get us in the play-offs" need i carry on quotes from rovers fans.

i seem to remember when you last beat us and were top of division 2 saying "we are going up" then you lost your last seven was it???????

"the lad should have played it out. and in normal circumstances" you know the rest

If you read, you can see that as often, I'm taking the mick out of my team and its so-called leaders! :)

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Boxing Kangaroo

Boxing Kangaroo

Posted
Posted

I like Holloways quote about pulling the bird, not pretty but you got her in the taxi. :laugh:

Here you go -

"To put it in gentleman's terms, if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, you've done what you set out to do. We didn't look our best today but we've pulled. Some weeks the lady is good looking and some weeks they're not. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking her home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee"

QPR boss Ian Holloway comes up with the quote of the century to describe his team's lacklustre performance against Chesterfield.

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ziderfarmer

ziderfarmer

Posted
Posted

Here you go -

"To put it in gentleman's terms, if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, you've done what you set out to do. We didn't look our best today but we've pulled. Some weeks the lady is good looking and some weeks they're not. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking her home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee"

QPR boss Ian Holloway comes up with the quote of the century to describe his team's lacklustre performance against Chesterfield.

pure class!

wonder what his wife thought? :blush:

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