alexrusselsboot Posted June 4, 2007 Report Share Posted June 4, 2007 What about all those "Doctor Doctor" jokes?Here's a couple to start it off:"Dr, Dr, I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.""For God's sake pull yourself together.""Dr, Dr, I keep thinking I'm a pack of cards"."Sit down there and I'll deal with you in a minute". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted June 6, 2007 Report Share Posted June 6, 2007 "Dr, Dr people keep ignoring me""Next""Dr, Dr I keep thinking I'm Tom Jones""Its not unusual""Dr, Dr i think I'm a snooker ball""Get to the end of the queue" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexrusselsboot Posted June 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2007 Knew I could rely on Bigtone.Dr, Dr, I'm wearing my clingfilm underpants.Well, I can clearly see you're nuts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted June 7, 2007 Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 "Doctor, everytime I sneeze I have an orgasm!" "Are you doing anything for it?" "Snorting pepper." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted June 7, 2007 Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places!Doctor: Stay out of them places! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bcfc3660 Posted June 11, 2007 Report Share Posted June 11, 2007 Doctor Doctor do you have anything for my liver?Yes some lightly fried mushrooms and onions.Doctor Doctor i have swallowed a £2 coinTake these tablets and contact me if there is any changeI know. I`ll get me coat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bcfc3660 Posted June 11, 2007 Report Share Posted June 11, 2007 last one, i promiseDoctor Doctor i have jelly and sponge coming out of my earYour a triffle deaf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexrusselsboot Posted June 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 Doctor Doctor! I think I'm a goat!" "How long have you felt like this?" "Ever since I was a kid!""Doctor, Doctor, I keep getting a pain in my eye each time I drink tea""Take the spoon out next time""Doctor Doctor, I think I'm a wigwam, then I think I'm a tepee"."The trouble with you is you are too tense"."Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone"."Are you choking?""No, I really did swallow one" "Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses""You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!""Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?""Use a pencil until I get there ""Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell""Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring! ""Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!""Didn't I see you yesterday? ""Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something?""Yes - here's a kite! ""Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog"."Sit on the couch and we will talk about it""But I'm not allowed up on the couch"OK - that's probably too many in one go Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbored Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 Man goes to Dr with a chip up his nose and a tomato in his earMan - "Dr, I don't feel very well"Doctor - "Thats because your're not eating properly" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bcfc3660 Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 Man walks into a doctors surgery with a pen and pad and sits down in the chair and writes" Everytime i want to speak i keep writing it down"Doctor says"I see what your saying." :coat: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will Rollason Posted June 30, 2007 Report Share Posted June 30, 2007 doctor- "i'm afraid your're a hypochondriac"..patient- "bloody hell not that as well!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
54-46 Posted July 23, 2007 Report Share Posted July 23, 2007 I had to visit my doctor the other day and she said "I am afraid you need to stop masturbating", I obviously asked her why, to which she replied "because I am trying to examine you". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bcfc3660 Posted August 25, 2007 Report Share Posted August 25, 2007 Doctor- I'm sorry sir you only have about 4 mins left to live.Patient- 4 mins? 4 mins? What am i going to do?Doctor- Try boiling an egg....and I'm here all week! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pottyun69 Posted August 26, 2007 Report Share Posted August 26, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pottyun69 Posted August 26, 2007 Report Share Posted August 26, 2007 Doctor: "I've got very bad news - you've got cancer and Alzheimer's"Patient: "Well, at least I don't have cancer" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pottyun69 Posted August 26, 2007 Report Share Posted August 26, 2007 Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room. Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
54-46 Posted August 26, 2007 Report Share Posted August 26, 2007 After a patient comes round after a major operation the doctor comes to talk with him.Doctor - well Mr Smith, I have some good news and some bad news.Mr Smith - give me the bad news first doc.Doctor - unfortunately there were a few complications and we had to cut both your legs off.Mr Smith - what's the good news?Doctor - a patient in the next ward wants to buy your slippers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CiderEagle Posted September 24, 2007 Report Share Posted September 24, 2007 Doctor : I'm afraid I have some bad news - you only have two weeks to livePatient : OK then, I'll have the last week in July and the first week in August Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexrusselsboot Posted September 24, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 24, 2007 Patient comes round in hospital after a bad accident and suddenly screams "Doctor - I can't feel my legs!"Doctor - "Yes sir, that's because we had to amputate your arms". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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