Ska Junkie

It's career day in Ashton Vale Primary school where each student has to talk about their dad. Little Timmy is up last and the teacher calls him to the front of the class."My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar, he takes off his clothes for money and if they pay him enough, he will even do extra's" The teacher, shocked, pulls little Timmy outside and asks him if this is really true about his dad?!Timmy says "No Miss but i was too embarrassed to say he played for Bristol Rovers"

I bet Gloucester City have sold more than that!

Jealousy is not a good trait is it PSR? What a ridiculous statement by Gloucester City. By all means aim for where FGR have reached but 'best in the West'? Laughable statement.

I assume the stadium they are trying to deliver will be a big one (30K+) for the 'best club in the South West'? No, it's 4,000. Erm.

Beyonce has just discovered that Roy Castle was really her father.Can't see her taking his surname somehow....

No new jokes today but someone just shared this classic TV programme on FB. For those of us old enough to remember this, how funny was Al Bundy? For the young 'uns, this is classic!

A while back I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the heck, I'll give her a call. "Hello?" the woman says. Wow! she sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring handcuffs, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night, Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?" She says, "That sounds fantastic,...... but for an outside line Sir, you need to press 9."

Windass gave it the 'do you know who I am' in Chasers and got a slap, fact. Gas friends were there and saw it. He also gave it the 'cave man' outside and took a bit of a kicking. Yes, it was the night that he was guest speaker at a crappy r**ers event in the old Kingswood legion. In a 2 club City, you don't shout your mouth off, end of. The guy's a tool, period!

Even more ridiculous that SL would go into a commoners car park. He would have used the chopper or the Lear jet.

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now completely nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears." Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere, so how can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?!" Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming, that was me..."

Not PC but made me smile... Today, Californians set a new record by getting 67 people on a surfboard at the same time. It smashed the previous record set by 51 Ethiopians on a Ryvita.

That's a good opening day fixture for them to be fair. I would imagine they would take a fair few.

man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is Scotsmen who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Irish Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.” “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto McTavish but my friends call me Paddy".

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about £50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately." Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked. "Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the £50.00 and handed it to her along with a £10.00 tip. “And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again." The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" Wait for it The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits ... I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"

Just got a new dog, it's mainly black and brown with the little bit of white so I've called him Bradford. IT'S A JOKE!!

There was always a 'row' going up that slope IIRC Noggers! I remember we used to share our annual school 6th form party, with La Retraite girls school, at Tiffanies and anyone from the 4th year up somehow managed to get in. Being a rugby school ( the real St Brendans, not the crappy imitation 6th form it is now), there was usually a drunken scrummage against the palm trees and they usually came second! Happy memories.

Tiffany's? Crikey, there's a blast from the past! Plastic palm trees, sticky carpets and harp lager were the order of the day at the time IIRC? That's a long time ago.

Erm No!

I prefer the failed Labour candidate for Kingswood myself, pretty girl.

No, as Ciderjar said, it's here now. http://gasheads.proboards.com It's still full of delusion and self worship mind.

A blonde goes into work crying her eyes out. The boss asks if she is ok she replies "No my mum died this morning" The Boss suggests she takes the day off to which the blonde refuses saying that work will take her mums demise off her mind... About an hour later The Boss walks into her office and once again she is crying like a woman peeling onions ... He said "I told you to take the day off to get over your sudden loss" .... "It's Not that" replied the blonde " I just phoned my sister and her mum has died as well"

I know a methane snorter who actually went to our game on Sunday. To say he was blown away by the new Gate is a massive understatement. While he will always defend his club and thought they were a better team / fans than us (usual drivel), he openly admitted the stadium was a 'different world'. 'If the (pie in the sky) UWE is anything like this, we'll be doing ok' was met by choruses of laughter but, rest assured, he was very complimentary about the whole stadium experience. He was in the West upper BTW, not with me in the Dolman.