bert tann

Talk in the corridor of power yesterday was of the Mem being discreetly put up for sale and the club President being not all there.

Our new Commercial Director is excited by the blank canvas at Rovers     

I made a pass at Elsie Tanner once.

It went through her legs and out for a goal kick.

17 minutes ago, phantom said:

Calling Bristol Rovers?

If the telephones at the Mem have been cut off again it's no use clapping your hands they won't hear you.

Try sending a telex.

19 minutes ago, Rich said:

When they broke the news about their new training facility at the colony, they said they'd "acquired it". That to me sounds as if they'd not,  bought it, but, maybe, agreed a lease.

In a later story by the evening post, the reporter (not the club) stated that they had bought it.

The reality is that, although the colony had previously gained planning permission, for training facilities and changing rooms.That wouldn't be anywhere near what is required for an academy. There were also some restrictions on its use, I think it was a timed restriction where the land was not to be used before 6pm during school term time, so, 39 weeks of the year, during normal school hours it couldn't be used. Perhaps they plan to train at night.

Surely nobody in their right mind would buy that land without first getting PP, would they? Is it in the company assets?

Again land registry could confirm, if there's someone with access to the site through work, they could check. I'm not paying, not even for the pleasure of proving a point.

The Land Registry shows that title does rest with Dwane Colony Ltd another Jersey company with nominee shareholders.

When I called their Saint Helier office to ask if the beneficial owners were Dwane Al-Qadi and The Mindbenders the response was...

"Um, Um, Um ,Um, Um, Um

30 minutes ago, Coombsy said:

Having a medical tonight

 

If he's been treated by the Rovers' club dentist I'm not surprised.

Cash is so short they've even stopped using aesthetics.

Could someone explain why the statutory records of Terramond Developments Ltd show a mortgage charge, in favour of Lloyds TSB,  still outstanding on land they used to own at Colony Farm, Hortham Lane, Almondsbury, Bristol.

No one would be daft enough to buy a piece of land without first ensuring any previous mortgage was paid off ........  would they ?

3 hours ago, harrys said:

This nearly crept off the first page, can't have that, does anyone know why the UWE deal fell through? Our local media should be all over this, it seems to be the usual cloak of darkness when it comes to any thing to do with Rovers 

Sorry, I am unable to reveal anything because of an incontinenciality agreement.

But, it's one thing to say you have access to £40 million and another to prove, to the satisfaction of a partners' lawyers, that you have  £40 million irrevocably committed to the purpose of building a football stadium on their land.

 I can exclusively reveal that a project manager has been appointed to oversee the regeneration of the Memorial Stadium.

 This diminutive executive is admirably qualified for the job because he knows someone who has worked on twelve building sites and was  formerly  personal assistant to the owner of Fantasy Island.

  He has already been spotted on Avon Street pointing to the upper floor windows of a well known solicitors office and shouting "the plaintiff, the plaintiff"

18 minutes ago, Redsi2 said:

The following from gaschat is another winner. "They aren't billionaires because they found their money down the back of the sofa". I will correct this for them "they aren't billionaires and all they found was 20p down their sofa which will now be our rebuild fund".

 

I may be talking out of turn here but I am certain that the Al Quadi family will have studied, planned and sorted out all the possibilities of how the Mem will be developed. They will also know how they will get the best financial return from the new stadium. They aren't billionaires because they found their money down the back of the sofa! Maybe they are keeping their plans close to their chest because it is all part of the big bluff to UWE. I genuinely believe that UWE thought they were dealing with gullible, rich foreigners who UWE would be able to pull the wool over their eyes and basically rip them off. Maybe now they are in a state of panic and Wael announcing alternative plans is just a ruse to make UWE think they are about to miss out on a fantastic opportunity to have A1 facilities on their campsite. With no new stadium they are left with nothing. Yes, maybe they could put houses on the land and make some money that way but that is short sighted and in the long run will not benefit the campus. Build a state of the art stadium with loads of facilities for their students to use for many years is a far better option. I may be wrong but I am not 100% sure that the UWE stadium is dead in the water....yet! The family have been damned good to us and haven't let us down yet and I don't see why they would in the future. Let's be patient and see what happens. In the mean time I am going to carry on with a far more important task and that is to support the Gas no matter where they play.COYB FTG

Well, that's me done.

I thought I could raise the odd chuckle on here but I can't compete with a masterpiece like that.

3 minutes ago, Bristol Rob said:

You'll have to explain that last paragraph to me, even trying to read between the lines doesn't tell me enough.

You will have to look at that BBC Bristol documentary (if you can find it) and make your own mind up.

The aim appeared to be to kneel at the feet of the family,  find out more about them and confirm the euphoria following the takeover was justified. 

Listening to those interviewed the impression I gained was that someone had been given many opportunities but (putting in kindly) had not managed to find their own niche and now at last they had.

Hopefully ! 

2 minutes ago, Bristol Rob said:

So, long story short... this is a property deal gone bad.

As predicted on here a few months after they took over.

Yes, I imagine many wealthy families would take pleasure in indulging the passions of a younger member who hadn't quite managed to find a niche for himself.

Especially when it  seemed they could do so backed by a real estate investment and with no financial risk to themselves.

The information in the company accounts and the documents lodged at Companies House are highly revealing but I think the programme made in Jordan by  BBC Bristol was crucial in order to gain a full understanding of the situation.

4 hours ago, myol'man said:

@bert tann have you noticed the milkman getting involved again? Hidden agenda? Takeover bid? Free milk with every pastie?  

Geoffrey is concerned because he knows how business works. Unlike other football club owners he wasn't given a good education and then found a sinecure within the family company where he could indulge his outside interests with, apparently, no serious executive responsibilities. Geoffrey played an important role in developing his family's dairy and then took part in a series of other successful ventures. He may not be everyone's cup of tea but he is no mug apart from his inaccurate spelling of Dwain Sports.

Had the Al-Qadi family used their own cash to provide the credit facility one could imagine them handing Bristol Rovers FC  back to Nicholas and Barry Microwave but keeping ownership of the stadium and leasing it back to the club at an acceptable rate. But if, as seems likely, the whole £10 million  was borrowed, then they would have to charge Rovers  upwards of £500 000 per year just to break even on the interest payments. So it would be back to square one with Rovers paying an unsustainable rent for a dilapidated stadium and needing annual subsidies in excess of £1 million from it's owners.

2 hours ago, Septic Peg said:

@bert tann I think it's time to ask... Have we converted you? 

No, but once again I'd like to thank members of OTIB for their patience in allowing me to post on this site.

It has been a ten year campaign and it may at last be coming to fruition as I see some Rovers fans on social media are now expressing the same opinions and asking the same questions as I have done.  But still the majority refuse to see what is staring them in the face and continue to confuse loyalty to Bristol Rovers with loyalty to it's owners.

I fear the final wake up call will only come if it is discovered that the Memorial Stadium  is being offered for sale as a development site.

                                                                                                             IMF plan IVF

The International Monetary Fund, pictured here at their recent summit in Praia Forahelpa, have announced they have run out of money.

As stock markets slumped around the World people in the Jordanian capital Amman came out onto the streets celebrating because their country will no longer have to be sold to pay for a football stadium in South Gloucestershire.

At a hastily convened press conference Chairman Stephen Hamster said although there was no money left he was confident finance could easily be conjured up to build anything at any time or anywhere. This is because of IVF  or “in vitro funding” which, though incomprehensible to the average football fan, is a proven technique developed by the late Mr Paul Daniels. He assured people that normal service would continue and they could still take photographs of themselves with the club President or have him re-tweet congratulations whenever it was their dog’s birthday.

Meanwhile, at the Memorial Stadium, there were plenty of red bottoms as fans remained totally convinced they were in good hands. One supporter was looking forward to going on holiday to have sand kicked in his face while another said he had been tied up when the news broke and it was a very enjoyable experience. At the Filton Avenue dungeon of well known massage therapist Eve O’Lotion business was brisk as she sought to satisfy a steady stream of sycophantic Gasochists.

4 minutes ago, Esmond Million's Bung said:

No mate same old shit different owners.

Been stood up again eh ?

If it's not Horfield Rose it's Eve O'Lotion !

Still, at least they have a Plan B don't they.

Did anything happen while I was away ?

2 hours ago, Cheesleysmate said:

I see that they have just signed someone called Broadbent. Does that mean that he is more bent than Junior Bent? Where is the lady garden Keith Valle to announce it on matchdays or is he still banged up? 

Goodness me he must be getting on a bit now.

I tried to sign Peter for Rovers back in the 1950’s but had a hard job convincing him we were a bigger club than Wolves. Admittedly, for me, hard jobs were more frequent then than they are today but even so I was ultimately unsuccessful. The promise of a flight in the Brabazon had no effect and after visiting the site of our proposed new stadium  on College Green he had had the impudence to ask where the money was coming from. I explained our owners were wealthy bankers from Greenland but even this cut no ice.

Stan Cullis had obviously queered our pitch which, in those unenlightened times, had health and efficiency ramifications as well as being illegal. Telling Peter that we were constant whingers who had even petitioned Gladstone to try to force “The Old Curiosity Shopping Chain” to buy Eastville didn’t help our cause. But at the end of the day I have to admit  Wolves winning three league titles during that decade may have been the deciding factor.

                                                                                Ex manager exposed more than the truth

A former football manager has escaped jail after admitting he ran away with the club’s conscience. Mr Bert Tann (103) of no fixed address told the jury he became upset after owners and directors of a well known local team made promises they knew they couldn’t keep and deliberately kept supporters in the dark to cover up their inadequacies. A culture of deceit existed and fans were so gullible they believed everything they were told he said before breaking down and collapsing just outside of the witness box.

Prosecuting Counsel Taffy Hamster said it was well known that people own football clubs purely to impress their friends and have their photograph taken with glamorous stars so they had no obligation to tell the truth. Tann was aware of this and had stolen the conscience knowing it was the club’s property and had been used to secure borrowings.

Defence witness, Mayor of Almondsbury Councillor Brian Envelope, said he understood Tann’s motives completely. They promised me the earth, he said, but ended up dumping a great heap of soil on the land making it an even worse eyesore. The look of that field is putting off decent people from relocating to the area and I only wish some gypsies would move onto the site to improve it’s appearance.

Summing up for the defence Mr Ted Shyt said Tann had become addicted to discovering the truth and couldn’t stop exposing himself to it. The issue at hand was whether he was right to speak out or whether it was best for all concerned if fans remained in blissful ignorance.  Citing the case of Magnum Carta vs Tyrannosaurus Rex he said it was clear in law that fans had been promised decadent silky smooth rich dark Jordanian opulence but actually received a Mr Whippy 99’er with a broken cone. There was no crime in being a Cheepster, he claimed, but to pretend that at any time you liked you could simply Telegram Sami and have the cash wired over was a cruel hoax which deserved to be revealed.

After a guilty verdict was returned Mrs Justice Proudman summed up by describing Tann as a fine upstanding gentleman whom she wouldn’t mind taking back to chambers for a dry sherry if only he had been fifty years younger. However the law obliged her to inflict an appropriate punishment and she therefore sentenced him to attend the Memorial Stadium between 3pm and 5pm every other Saturday till the baliffs move in.

1 hour ago, Kid in the Riot said:

Had a mildly interesting conversation with someone today who is rather close to the UWE stadium project ()

Nothing new said really.

Funding still the number one problem, particularly the bridging money between sale of the Mem and completion of the UWE stadium, but there is of course now a shortfall due to the value of the Mem falling now Sainsburys won't be buying. It was however opined to me that the shortfall was not actually that significant, possibly £5m or less.

All very confusing that a supposedly wealthy family with a banking background can't submit a business plan that stacks up

An opinion on whether the UWE stadium would be built was sought and received: "No".

Anyway, given the planning consent expires in January we are going to see Wael's hand very shortly.

I think this is exactly the problem. They are bankers who are used to looking at others business plans and deciding whether to fund them but with the premise there will be no risk to themselves.

When Wael unwisely said “funding is never an issue with this sort of thing” he was thinking about financing commercial property not financing commercial property AND a business which has to earn enough to pay back all the borrowings on that property. He was forgetting as well the start up costs for such a business and the huge working capital requirements because projects of this kind don’t generate any cash for a very many years and where a football club is part of it probably never at all.

This is not a project for a risk averse banking family there has to be someone involved who is willing to put up a lot of cash and is prepared to lose it if it fails. 

Just now, Vincent Vega said:

Valued at .?

£10 million

11 minutes ago, Vincent Vega said:

What is Lockyer likely to command in a fee.?.........and who is he.

Recently made the Welsh senior squad and so mixing with players who can tell him what life is like on "the outside"

Improved performance last season with Stoke City loanee defender alongside him and likely to go backwards again playing with mediocrities if Rovers are not going to invest in quality..

Football is a short career so you have to grab opportunities when they come up.  

26 minutes ago, Vincent Vega said:

On a serious, note what Wages do you think they could realistically offer him, 6k maybe.?

If Rovers get a cash windfall through selling Tom Lockyer there is no reason why we couldn't reinvest in better quality players at higher wages.

Unless that money is designated for paying the interest on Dwane Sports  £10 million loan.

45 minutes ago, Sir Colby-Tit said:

So, back on track, what funny shit have the Gash been up to today?

Just been leaked that Rovers new training ground will have a state of the art sprinkler system incorporating nanotechnology which is invisible to the naked eye so you will only know it’s there because chairman Stephen Hamster says so. Adapted to fit the geological features of Colony Farm and designed with sensors monitoring real time  meteorological conditions at The Colony the system is called Colonic Irrigation.

14 minutes ago, 22A said:

Sam Slocombe on a free? For the older members of this forum remember Mrs Slocombe and her colleague stating "I'm free"?

Yes, and many viewers mistakenly thought that when Mrs Slocombe mentioned “my pussy” she was referring to her private part when in fact she meant her pet cat.

I was fortunate enough to meet Mollie Sugden many times when she was appearing at the Hippodrome in the 1960’s and can confirm that “my beaver” was the name she gave to her private part.