Southport Red Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 A mate of mine told me yesterday how his son was out in Southport with some friends. They went into a bar and saw Steven Gerrard. One of the lads is a well-known idiot and decided to try and play the big man in front of his mates. He went up to Gerrard and said "if you had the ball, I could get it off you in 10 seconds". Gerrard looked at him and, quick as a flash said "mate, if I had the ball, you couldn't get it off me in a phone box". Shrunk the idiot right down to size. This got me thinking, what's the best/funniest sporting put-down story you have heard? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunnyfunt Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Ronaldo was banging on about how he was sent from the footballing gods, then in an interview soon after Messi said he never sent him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_red Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Balotelli saying he had never heard of runner up Jack Wilshere when winning European young player of the year was quite funny if not slightly arrogant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fordy62 Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Glen McGrath: Why are you so fat? Edo Brandes: Because every time i **** your wife she gives me a biscuit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbored Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Steve Waugh to Sehwag when he came out to bat '' So what does Lara's cock taste like?'' ''Ask your wife'' replied Sehwag.............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glynriley Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Glen McGrath: Why are you so fat? Edo Brandes: Because every time i **** your wife she gives me a biscuit. I always thought that was aimed at , and replied to by Shane Warne ? Another one from Cricket was when some bowler had beaten the outside edge of Viv Richards , the bowler said to Viv "It's red and round and weighs 5oz" . Not long after Richards hit the ball out of the ground for six and turned to the bowler and said "You know what it looks like , go and find it" !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gazareth Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Steve Waugh to Sehwag when he came out to bat '' So what does Lara's cock taste like?'' ''Ask your wife'' replied Sehwag.............. That was McGrath to another West Indian (why would they ask Sehwag, an Indian, about Lara?!) - it was around the time of McGrath's wife's cancer diagnosis and McGrath went mental. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'Orns Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 That was McGrath to another West Indian (why would they ask Sehwag, an Indian, about Lara?!) - it was around the time of McGrath's wife's cancer diagnosis and McGrath went mental. Certainly did, think Sarwan is lucky to still have a windpipe attached to his person Not a putdown, but Rodney Marsh greeted Botham one day with 'hey Beefy, how's your wife and my kids' - very clever! Liking Gerrard's response too.....! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southport Red Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 You reminded me, another Botham one. On an Ashes tour down under at the height of Botham's powers, the border security guy pretended he didn't know who Botham was. Exchange is supposed to have gone something like; Border Official (BO): Name? Botham (IB): Ian Terence Botham. BO: Occupation? IB: Professional Cricketer BO: Purpose of Visit? IB: Participating in Ashes Cricket Series BO: Do you have a criminal Record? IB: Sorry, no. I didn't know you still needed one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SecretSam Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Glen McGrath: Why are you so fat? Edo Brandes: Because every time i **** your wife she gives me a biscuit. Love this one - and I'm near certain that it was McGrath to some Zimbabwean cricketer The Botham one I'd not heard, but it's total class Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbored Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 That was McGrath to another West Indian (why would they ask Sehwag, an Indian, about Lara?!) - it was around the time of McGrath's wife's cancer diagnosis and McGrath went mental. Your're right - it was Sarwan and according the book I have it was Steve Waugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NiceRed Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 I thought the biscuit one above was by David Boon? My favourite is another Aussie cricketing one. Mark Waugh was sl*gging off some rubbish batsman (probably English), saying something along the lines of: "You're the worst player in your team.". The batsman turned to Mark Waugh and goes, "At least I'm the best player in my own family". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Red Rich Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 I thought the biscuit one above was by David Boon? My favourite is another Aussie cricketing one. Mark Waugh was sl*gging off some rubbish batsman (probably English), saying something along the lines of: "You're the worst player in your team.". The batsman turned to Mark Waugh and goes, "At least I'm the best player in my own family". yeah that was Adam Hollioake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gazareth Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Your're right - it was Sarwan and according the book I have it was Steve Waugh. Go on Youtube and search for Sarwan McGrath - there's a clip of the incident on there. I thought the biscuit one above was by David Boon? My favourite is another Aussie cricketing one. Mark Waugh was sl*gging off some rubbish batsman (probably English), saying something along the lines of: "You're the worst player in your team.". The batsman turned to Mark Waugh and goes, "At least I'm the best player in my own family". yeah that was Adam Hollioake. That was James Ormond and Mark Waugh. Something like: MW (from slip): bloody hell, what are you doing here, you're not good enough to play test cricket? JO: No, but at least I'm the best player in my family. it wouldn't have been Hollioake... because he wasn't the best in his family -- One of my favourites is from Ian Healy, Aussie wicketkeeper, with Sri Lanka's rotund batsman Arjuna Ranatunga at the crease. Shane Warne was bowling and Ranatunga was just blocking, refusing to play a shot and being very defensive. Healy chirped up with "put a mars bar on a length, that'll get the fat c*** out of his crease" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fodbarmyarmy Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Not a putdown, but Rodney Marsh greeted Botham one day with 'hey Beefy, how's your wife and my kids' - very clever! Wasn't Beefy's reply along the lines of ............." The Wife's fine but the kid's are retarded" Merv Hughes was probably the most enthusiastic cricket sledger and one day targeted Graeme Hick for his venom, viewing him as weak at the mental side of the game. ....."Mate," he would say, "if you just turn the bat over, you'll find the instructions on the other side." Or: "Does your husband play cricket as well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downendcity Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Not a sporting put down, but a b****y good one. Coming out of the House of Commons bar one night Churchil was confronted by a fearsome looking female MP. "You sir, are drunk" said the female. " and you madam are ugly" replied Churchil , adding " but in the morning I will be sober!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bearded_red Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Not exactly a 'put down', but in the last Ashes Mitchell Johnson was heard on the stump mic saying to Jimmy Anderson 'Why you chirping now mate? Not getting any wickets?'. Next ball Jimmy runs in and clean bowls Ryan Harris, not really any better way to shut someone up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gazareth Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Another favourite... Viv Richards playing for Somerset against Glamorgan in Cardiff. Some county trundler (I forget the name) is bowling to Viv and gets him to play-and-miss a few times. The bowler chirps "it's small, red, and round Viv". Next ball, Viv smashes it out of the ground into the River Taff. "You know what it looks like, now go and find it". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gazareth Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Oh and another one! At my rugby club, we play an annual inter-club game of over-30s vs under-30s. One year there was a father-son dual in the front row, and as they were crouching down for the first scrum, the dad piped up with "hey Liam - I shagged your mum!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lrrr Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Not exactly a put down but bit of sledging again in cricket England player Douglas Jardine complained that one of the Australian players called him a b**tard. Australian captain Bill Woodfull turns to his team, points to Jardine and asked “Which one of you b**tards called this b**tard a b**tard?” --- Mark Waugh standing at second slip, Adam Parore played & missed the first ball. Mark – “Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you’re ••••••• useless now”. Parore- (Turning around) “Yeah, that’s me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut & now I hear you’ve married her. You dumb ••••”. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lrrr Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Oh and another one! At my rugby club, we play an annual inter-club game of over-30s vs under-30s. One year there was a father-son dual in the front row, and as they were crouching down for the first scrum, the dad piped up with "hey Liam - I shagged your mum!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'Orns Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Wasn't Beefy's reply along the lines of ............." The Wife's fine but the kid's are retarded" Ha, I hope so Very quick response. I'm afraid my standard line is '**** you' whilst batting, and 'off you pop, Sausage' whilst in the field Too bloody old now to think of anything else, I'll leave that to the kids! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philly The Kid Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 I was banging one in to my missus one night when she gasped "Christ love, you're taking a long time tonight..." I replied "I can't think of anyone I like.." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glynriley Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Another favourite... Viv Richards playing for Somerset against Glamorgan in Cardiff. Some county trundler (I forget the name) is bowling to Viv and gets him to play-and-miss a few times. The bowler chirps "it's small, red, and round Viv". Next ball, Viv smashes it out of the ground into the River Taff. "You know what it looks like, now go and find it". There's an echo in here !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lrrr Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Merv Hughes ”You can’t f*ing bat”. Next ball, Merv was hit to the fence, Robin Smith replied: ”Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can’t f*ing bat and you can’t f*ing bowl.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bar BS3 Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Now, usually I like a quick whitted, clever response to someone giving another player a bit of mouth on the pitch. Sometimes it comes across more effectively than others. Sometimes though, talking just doesn't do the trick. This old classic certainly shut the other player up!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downendcity Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 There's an echo in here !! In here!!, in here!!, in here!!, in here!!, in here!!, in here!! .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downendcity Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 I was banging one in to my missus one night when she gasped "Christ love, you're taking a long time tonight..." I replied "I can't think of anyone I like.." I would have called that an UNsporting put down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lew-T Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Cricket sledging is class! Probably the only reason why I play it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marmite Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 I believe it was Fred Trueman many years ago who was waiting at the end of his run up for a new incoming batsman. As the batsman came down the steps and opened the gate, Fred said " leave it open lad, you'll not be out there long" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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