dagest Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Today, I offer the following pathetic 'poem':Marcus, Marcus not like Spartacus,You don't live in Rome, you don't have a homeYou shall wander over and hither, Wherever t'will be you'll be in a drunken dither.Personally, I consider myself the crap poetry master.I challenge anyone to submit something worse than that.And because this is a really crap thread, here's someone to umm...make it even worse.Ho-hum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTFiGO!?! Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 There was an old man from Dunndee, who got stung on the arm by a wasp, when asked to explain if he felt any hurt he said no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagest Posted March 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 There was an old man from Dunndee, who got stung on the arm by a wasp, when asked to explain if he felt any hurt he said no.It seems you've beaten me already. Oh well, as Jake in the Tweenies said the other day "Why aren't I the best at anything?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozo Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 We cheer, because Basir is a tryerBut we wish he could jump higherIf he won more headers, Citywould soon be out of the mireWriting crap poetry's pretty easy when you don't know how to write good poetry. I've found my art! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTFiGO!?! Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Edit: My comment has since become an un-contempory point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozo Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 I've gotta say this thread has been dissapointingly long kicking off, although I see Mozo's plotting something that will be fairly silly I'm sureGrenade, grenadeLook at the price we've paidIf only we had a manager who didn'tCall a spade a spadeIt's flowing out of me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagest Posted March 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Grenade, grenadeLook at the price we've paidIf only we had a manager who didn'tCall a spade a spadeIt's flowing out of me! It's flowing out of me!Yeah, I should go and clear that up now or least get Dolly to come around and do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozo Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Beat this:Oh my wonderful giraffeOh my wonderful TrevorWe have such a laughCos you're witty as well as cleverA stinker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagest Posted March 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 There was a lad called MoNot a single bird did he knowHe went down the stationfor a little mastur...ahemOnly to find it wouldn't grow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozo Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 There was a lad called MoNot a single bird did he knowHe went down the stationfor a little mastur...ahemOnly to find it wouldn't growCheers for that Dags.Try this for sighs:I'd love to be IslamicAnd celebrate RamadanMe and my muslim friendsWould party in my caravan(well, what else rhymes with caravan?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lordofthebling Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 (Can I have a soul clap pleae...)uh, uh, mic check mic check, wave your hands from side to side like dis... Bling on the mic... ugh!His name is Bradley...ORRRRRHis passes...SOAARRRIn to Row....ZZZZZOh Bradley...#### ME! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTFiGO!?! Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 There was a lad called MoNot a single bird did he knowHe went down the stationfor a little mastur...ahemOnly to find it wouldn't grow - quality!Cheers for that Dags.Try this for sighs:I'd love to be IslamicAnd celebrate RamadanMe and my muslim friendsWould party in my caravan(well, what else rhymes with caravan?)I thought you could have squeesed the word ' haravadan' in there personally.(Can I have a soul clap pleae...)uh, uh, mic check mic check, wave your hands from side to side like dis... Bling on the mic... ugh!His name is Bradley...ORRRRRHis passes...SOAARRRIn to Row....ZZZZZOh Bradley...#### ME!****ing impressed mate.Tribute to Big TrevWhatever the weather - we Love you Trevor,your giraffie ways are cool and make us look the fool,I like you Trev, you're very tall.It'd be a good laugh to be a Giraffe.How I wish I was one.Now for one to bring the tone down and a gift for Dr.F Arse and ****, back and front,I just want to **** you,Baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozo Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Here you are Dags:Anthea, AntheaIs there nobody handierAround the houseThan you?Oo oo oo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagest Posted March 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 The good doctor supported the GasAt the match he found wind couldn't passApparently there were rulesabout passing no stoolsThey said there was too much crap on the grass.Bring it on you mo fos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozo Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Heres one for the Southville trio:Look at poor young SophsBeing hounded by horny teensThen look at Nogbad and Turnip, you'll seeThat sex appeal's in the genes!WTF:W is for WinnerT is for talking Bo11oxF is for being a City FanThe words that come out of his mouth make less sense than a gallery of Jackson PollocksSurely one of the worst? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTFiGO!?! Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 The words that come out of his mouth make less sense than a gallery of Jackson PollocksSurely one of the worst?Now you know I don't need encouragement!Liking this Jackson Pollock btw, not only because I have an appreciation of his quality work but because his sirname rhymes with Bollock.Sweet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozo Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 There was a young man called BazWho was boning this mate that he hasMidway through the pokeShe mentioned her blokeAnd he wished he'd stuck with porn magsThat's for you Barry_manc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagest Posted March 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 I wish I wasn't such a geekAny old bird I will seekI know it's absurdI'm just a little nerdI've even got a nose like a beak.The above verse is entirely fictional and bears no resemblance to the real dagest and any blah...blah Basically, he's probaly the biggest stud to grace this forum in its long history. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MurrayLives Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 A young man there was,Who went by the name of Moz,Before I finish I would like to say soz,That this poem is the worst because,It doesn't end with a rhyme Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophs Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Heres one for the Southville trio:Look at poor young SophsBeing hounded by horny teensThen look at Nogbad and Turnip, you'll seeThat sex appeal's in the genes!Haha genius! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagest Posted March 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 A young man there was,Who went by the name of Moz,Before I finish I would like to say soz,That this poem is the worst because,It doesn't end with a rhymeNice, but couldn't you have fitted in some cheap insult? He deserves it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozo Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Nice, but couldn't you have fitted in some cheap insult? He deserves it.Shut it big-nose :razz: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MurrayLives Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Nice, but couldn't you have fitted in some cheap insult? He deserves it.Mozo's only friends are at the zoo,Spends all his day cleaning up Giraffe poo,Gets home p****d after two,And pukes up in his caravan portaloo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozo Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Our forum has some lovely young womenLike Dolly and Sophs and DinksI'd like to sneak up behind themAnd grab their arses, methinks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Culture? Isnt that something you grow in a petri dish? Yeah, I should go and clear that up now or least get Dolly to come around and do it. Oh god do I have to!?!?! Our forum has some lovely young womenLike Dolly and Sophs and DinksI'd like to sneak up behind themAnd grab their arses, methinks Dare ya, no ones done that today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Dare ya, no ones done that today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagest Posted March 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Culture? Isnt that something you grow in a petri dish? Oh god do I have to!?!?! Dare ya, no ones done that today!Where's that dish they call Dolly?Some say she's bit of a wallyI say they are wrongI devoted a songand a poem about her new brolly:Dolly's brolly helps her in the wetHer copy of Chat she can now getShe goes to the shopWith a skip and a hopTo buy some food for her pet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 Dagest that did make me chuckle! (one slight innacuracy as I have 6 pets but I'll let you off)Ok heres mine Willy was a watchdog sitting on the grass along came a policeman who kicked him up the Ask no questions tell no lies, I saw a policeman doing up his Flies are a nuisance bees, are worse, this is the end of my silly little verse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozo Posted March 26, 2006 Report Share Posted March 26, 2006 This isn't really a poem, more a folk song. Imagine Bob Dylan singing through his nose and parping on his annoying harmonica.Ode to Dagest:Oh Dagest is a leftyHe wears a lefty hatHe dreams of Marx and EngelsNow what d'ya think of that?Yes he's a bloody commieHe does a russian danceIf war broke out tomorrowHe'd go and fight for France!Oh Dagest is a liberalHas a beard and a beretIf there was a peaceful protestHe'd orchestrate the meleeYes he's a silly pinkoHe wouldn't drive a carHas a CND stickerOn his handle barsHe doesn't like democracyHe ain't a capitalistI don't know what he thinks he isBut I'm sure you get the gist!There you go mate, poetic and also 100% accurate. Hope you like it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted March 27, 2006 Report Share Posted March 27, 2006 As I awoke this morningWhen all sweet things are bornA Sparrow perched upon my sillTo signal the coming mornHe was so fragile, fluffy, fresh and youngHow sweetly did he singAnd thoughts of happiness and joyInto my heart did spring.I smiled so sweetly at his songAnd stood beside my bedI gently shut the windowAnd crushed his little head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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