Major Isewater

Good half, definately think we will need a second goal as Oldham look a real threat when attacking.

At least 2 more for another JET hatrick ;bring it on 

anyone know if we have even had a shot yet?

Earth calling RISK77, we have a problem  

yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

how rude   interrupting our forum with a JET goal 

Like the sound of that. While on the subject of the universe and all that sort of thing has anyone ever wondered why we 'apparently' managed to land on the moon in a 'ford anglia' at 240,000 miles away and ever since we have not been any further into space than 450 miles in a Jag equivalent. I am convinced we have never actually landed on the Moon. Just saying like.

You have n't perhaps but i was n't all that impressed and the lunar beer had no taste 

I'm on my third

you must be almost as rich as Steve Lansdown,three beers , wow

They are playing right into our hands,open flowing football,We'll wait until they score a couple and then we'll strike 

be afraid Oldham,be very afraid

still 0-0 here in China.. have i missed something?

in France it's 3-0 city but this is an alternative universe !

The goal  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFEGxVmSlmo

thank you for that ,Have a beer !

I always found Iceland quite cheap, great selection of frozen foods.

someone had to go there 

Expensive I trust?

I'm fortunate enough to be here with a mate who's paid Swiss wages and understands the issue!

Does he drive a Swiss Rolls ?

Ever been to Sweden?

This is n't Meetic ,take it outside 

It's very quiet in here today. Only 5 minutes to go.

was thinking the same thing ,is everyone at the Gate ? 

Make some noise !

a match thread that begins with the teams - you, sir, i appluad

and you sir you're spilling is mognaficent    

Based on some of the fans who have thrown their toys out of the pram within the last week or so am not sure about line number 4.

number 4 can be sorted      

just give me names on a stamped adressed envelope to 

The Grim Reaper,

Ashton Vale

weddings,christenings and Bah mitzvahs.

Special discounts for groups.

Why wait give me a call.

A service to DIE for !

We are not talking about police-murderer Dale Cregan with a grenade and a bolthole in Spain here. These are some local people who presumably overstepped the mark at a local football game.

Why did they not just write to them and ask them to arrange a date to come in to their local station for an interview?

I hope they get a serious grilling from the local media for this pointless circus and whichever senior officer that sanctioned this gets disciplined.

You are assuming they can read !

Do the Gas have to copy everything we do?

Desert training for the squaddies about to leave for the middle east.

Sargent " ok lads ,you are in the desert and out of water,you come across an abandoned vehicule,this could save your life but how?

"Jones"

"Well Sir ,i'd empty the water from the radiator and drink the condensation water that is pure"

"Excellent reply,Parker "

"Well sir,i'd strip the seats and use the material to make a protection from the sun "

"Another excellent reply,well done Parker.Kelly"

"Well sir,i'd take off the door"

"The door ? Why ?"

"Well sir,If it got hot i could wind the window down"

Thé différence between a bad marksman and a constipated owl ; one shoots but cant hit ,the other hoots but cant shit.

The différence between a short dachund and a market trader; the trader bawls his wares out on the pavement ,the other wears his balls out on the pavement

Couple fall on hard times,after much deliberation the wife décides to go on the game.

The First night back she reports that she has earned 300 pounds and fifty pence.

The husband a bit surprised demands

"Who the flip gavé you fifty pence ? "

"Oooh ,they all did " she replied

What mammal's got a **** half way up it's back?

A police horse

Before their inaugural parachute jump the sergeant goes once more through the routine.

"Ok lads,Line up ,when the red light changes to green you jump.

Count "one thousand and one ,one thousand and two ,pull the ripcord ,look up to Check your chute is open"

"If your chute fails to open ,count ,one thousand and one ,one thousand and two and pull the emergency ripcord to your right"

A voice pipes up "Sarge ,what If the emergency chute does n't open "

" well ,lovely boy ,If the spare does n't open ,you flap your arms and shout "geronimo"

When they reach the correct altitude ,the doors open and one by one they jump.

"One thousand and one ,one thousand and two..."

When all have jumped they close the aircraft door.

Suddenly they hear a knocking ,tap, tap,tap.

Surprised they reopen the door only to find squaddie flapping his arms madly

"Please Sarge ,what was the name of that ficking indian ? "