BigTone

Fear not RedM, I would never let my public down.

Sorry, the excitement of the occasion got the better of me. Consider the last 20 a treat !!

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times. At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them. "Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady answers, 'We just love the chocolate around them.............

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world right now, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed a few weeks ago. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey", peacefully passed away at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his right leg in. And then the trouble started.

Q. What's the difference between a chav and a coconut? A. one's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut. Q. Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins? A. Society. Q. What does a chav girl use as protection during sex? A. Bus shelter. Q. What do you call a 30 year old chav girl? A. Granny. Q. What do you call a chav in a box? A. Innit. Q. What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet? A. Sorted. Q. What do you call a chav in a suit A. "Will the defendant please rise" Q. Why did the chav cross the road? A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason what so ever. Q. What do you call a chav girl in a white tracksuit? A. The bride. Q. If you're driving and see a chav on a bike why should you try not to hit him? A. It might be your bike. Q. What's the first question during a chav quiz night? A. What you looking at. Q. Why are chavs like slinkey's? A. Thay have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs. Q. Two chavs in a car without any music, who's driving? A. The policeman! Q. How do you get a hundred chavs in a phonebox? A. Paint 3 stripes on it. Q. What do you call a hundred chavs at the bottom of the river? A. A start. Q. Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a nova a shame? A. Because a nova has 4 seats. Q. What do you call a chav with 9 gcse's? A. A liar. Q. What do you say to a chav with a job? A. Bigmac please.

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Ok, but we split the revenue equally, 80% (me) & 20% (you)

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds." When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost Nearly 60 POUNDS! "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the Doctor "No, from ' skippin' replied the Irishman !!

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

Corn, Corn !!!!! , these are classic playground pleasers Browner !!

Hmmmm, passable Dolls, keep em coming !!

Ok, to start heres a treat of a few gems: My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel. I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said," You've got collara." I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue, and I couldn't put it down. My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me." This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me." So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

You leave Pondlife alone

Agree fully, but very rich !! So who's getting it wrong ?

Doubt we should shop in Aldi or Lidl either

Say WHAT !!!1