Steven Caulker and mental illness

[Tipps69]

Gambling is easy nowadays, you don't have to live on a casino's doorstep or be in a bookies 24/7, it's there in your home, on your phone or tablet or pc & there are so many ways to gamble, from the sports betting on just about any sport you can imagine to the casino games & slot machines!! Hell, you can even play bingo from the comfort of your own home!!

You no longer have to physically hand your money over, put your card details in to any hundreds of online companies & just press a number & you've transferred money into your account!! Press another number & you've magically bet all those numbers on a spin of a roulette wheel or on the turn of a card but you lose BUT you don't feel like you've lost because you never physically handed your money over, it was only numbers typed into a phone!! That's until you build the courage up to look on your banking facility on that very same phone, tablet or pc that you've just typed some numbers into to discover that those numbers were actually ££££'s.

I like a flutter, I can do it from my own home & I don't have to go out & actually see people which is great because for over 2 years now I've been suffering from depression!! I have been left feeling let down by mates who I had made friendships with for over 40 years in some cases & all because I broke my back in an accident & my world then started unraveling, from my fiancée who wanted nothing to do with me only 2 months later to then losing my job because I was unable to physically work!!

These mates were the same people who I've been best man at ones wedding, two who are my daughters god-father, lots who I'd played football, cricket & pool with for over 20 years & gone through school with & a fair few with who I have travelled the country watching City with from about the age of 14!!

But I have none of them or that anymore, I have no social media & a mobile phone that consists of 4 telephone numbers!! Everyone else has been deleted because that's how much they've made me feel!! ALONE!!

I can no longer visit the one thing that has been there throughout my life (BRISTOL CITY FOOTBALL CLUB) because I can't physically do a match day anymore!! I'm 45 in a little over 2 weeks & as sad as it may sound, this is the only thing that I can rely on!!

I've had some dark days!! Very dark days & I'm lead to believe that I'll never be the person I once was & in a way I don't ever want to be the person I once was because that former me gave a shit about my friends & mates but it has been proved that my friendship was misplaced & it's left me feeling like I'm unable to trust anyone again because if one of my friends or mates had gone through what I have, I know for a fact that I wouldn't of allowed them to go through it on their own!!

And while I sit here crying while I write this out on the same phone that enables me to have a little gamble, I realise this is the single hardest thing I've had to say for a long time!!

And please, I don't want people's sympathy or sorrow or anything but having read Caulker's piece, it hit a nerve with me!! While writing this I've deleted it, rewritten it, deleted a piece of it & rewritten bits of it!!

I didn't choose to have this happen & I've blamed myself more times than I can remember & I've hated myself even more times!! I am better than what I was but what I realised is that the recovery from this is going to take a lot longer than how long it took for me to get to my lowest but I'll do it without the aid of any 'mates' because I don't believe I'll be ever able to trust anyone enough again to really be able to call anyone my friends or 'mates' again!!

[SecretSam]

@Tipps69 mate, all the best.  Please - if you aren't already - reach out to your GP or whoever and seek some help.

[WhistleHappy]

36 minutes ago, Major Isewater said:

Young sportsmen should have their money paid into accounts where they can only touch the money at a certain age or if they retire from their sports.

Give them à reasonable livable allowance but put the rest in the trust .

This way they'd hopefully learn the value of money and have something for when they start the second part of their lives as ' normal ' people.

 I know it's probably unworkable but would like to at least see some help for them in managing their financial affairs .

 

Young player?  £50 notes burning holes in you wallet?..  Cash weighing down your Audi's real suspension?

We Can Help ..  # mckindoe associates.

THE salary and investment protection specialists you can trust  - for peace of mind and a secure future.

 Don't Delay, Act Today ..  Contact:  # mckindoe associates.  NOW!

    

 

[TRL]

1 hour ago, Monkeh said:

we have learnt lessons you can see that with the way we handled Tammy,

What lending him a car?

[Xiled]

1 hour ago, Septic Peg said:

Exactly this. Whilst we are responsible for their emotional wellbeing, we didn't physically march him into said casino, force a magnum of champers on him and encourage him to play roulette all night... Only he made that choice. All any club can do is to support them when they realise it's a problem.

Hmmm....if Caulker was 18 when he came to us, that's a very young age to be flushed with money and living in the centre of Bristol.  It's sad that either Tottenham or Bristol City (or both) didn't provide better support or mentoring.

It wasn't many months ago when people rounded on Zac Clough for not joining us.  I know there was an issue with things that were allegedly said by him and his dad but I was quite glad he turned us down on the basis that he clearly wasn't ready to move 180 miles south at a relatively young age.  If a player has any doubts, it won't end well.

Exactly the same applies to some of our overseas acquisitions.  Pretty sure we would have seen more from Engvall if he had been better supported in his new surroundings.  Going back to Sweden and scoring can't just because of different footballing standards.

When you spend a couple of million pounds on a player, the cheap bit is giving them enough support to settle and protect their health.

Best wishes to Steven Caulker, he was probably the best young player I've seen wearing our colours.

[Monkeh]

59 minutes ago, Selred said:

I believe Tammy turned down Newcastle because he couldn't trust himself with the nightlife. Becoming all so important in this day and age.

 

It's the duty of the club and especially of the agents who chase the payday but don't think about their clients wellbeing.

thats what was put in the paper up north because he turned them down, Swansea's night life is just as bad,

[Monkeh]

42 minutes ago, Tipps69 said:

Gambling is easy nowadays, you don't have to live on a casino's doorstep or be in a bookies 24/7, it's there in your home, on your phone or tablet or pc & there are so many ways to gamble, from the sports betting on just about any sport you can imagine to the casino games & slot machines!! Hell, you can even play bingo from the comfort of your own home!!

You no longer have to physically hand your money over, put your card details in to any hundreds of online companies & just press a number & you've transferred money into your account!! Press another number & you've magically bet all those numbers on a spin of a roulette wheel or on the turn of a card but you lose BUT you don't feel like you've lost because you never physically handed your money over, it was only numbers typed into a phone!! That's until you build the courage up to look on your banking facility on that very same phone, tablet or pc that you've just typed some numbers into to discover that those numbers were actually ££££'s.

I like a flutter, I can do it from my own home & I don't have to go out & actually see people which is great because for over 2 years now I've been suffering from depression!! I have been left feeling let down by mates who I had made friendships with for over 40 years in some cases & all because I broke my back in an accident & my world then started unraveling, from my fiancée who wanted nothing to do with me only 2 months later to then losing my job because I was unable to physically work!!

These mates were the same people who I've been best man at ones wedding, two who are my daughters god-father, lots who I'd played football, cricket & pool with for over 20 years & gone through school with & a fair few with who I have travelled the country watching City with from about the age of 14!!

But I have none of them or that anymore, I have no social media & a mobile phone that consists of 4 telephone numbers!! Everyone else has been deleted because that's how much they've made me feel!! ALONE!!

I can no longer visit the one thing that has been there throughout my life (BRISTOL CITY FOOTBALL CLUB) because I can't physically do a match day anymore!! I'm 45 in a little over 2 weeks & as sad as it may sound, this is the only thing that I can rely on!!

I've had some dark days!! Very dark days & I'm lead to believe that I'll never be the person I once was & in a way I don't ever want to be the person I once was because that former me gave a shit about my friends & mates but it has been proved that my friendship was misplaced & it's left me feeling like I'm unable to trust anyone again because if one of my friends or mates had gone through what I have, I know for a fact that I wouldn't of allowed them to go through it on their own!!

And while I sit here crying while I write this out on the same phone that enables me to have a little gamble, I realise this is the single hardest thing I've had to say for a long time!!

And please, I don't want people's sympathy or sorrow or anything but having read Caulker's piece, it hit a nerve with me!! While writing this I've deleted it, rewritten it, deleted a piece of it & rewritten bits of it!!

I didn't choose to have this happen & I've blamed myself more times than I can remember & I've hated myself even more times!! I am better than what I was but what I realised is that the recovery from this is going to take a lot longer than how long it took for me to get to my lowest but I'll do it without the aid of any 'mates' because I don't believe I'll be ever able to trust anyone enough again to really be able to call anyone my friends or 'mates' again!!

Tipps as someone who has suffered with depression in the past, talking about it with someone is the best bit of advice I can give to anyone, you have to admit to yourself you have a problem before you can seek help for it,

Two of the worst things said to me was people being over sympathetic or telling me to Man Up, it doesn't work like that, feel free to drop me a DM if you ever want to rant mate I'll take no offense from it,

But I can tell you after you've written that you'll feel a little bit better as you've got it off your chest after it being pent up, 

 

[phantom]

4 minutes ago, Monkeh said:

thats what was put in the paper up north because he turned them down, Swansea's night life is just as bad,

I thought he was "advised" not to join Newcastle for those reasons??

[Taz]

Another example of there being far too much money in the game nowadays. It's a sobering thought - no pun intended - but here you have an example of a young player, who quite possibly could have gone onto making a name for himself on the International scene. Due to alcohol, gambling, and a couple of dodgy moves for him career wise maybe, his career has come to a crossroads.

Clubs could maybe do better when it comes to loaning their youngsters out, and give them all the advice in the world, but if you've got more money than you know what to do with, is it any surprise that so many turn to alcohol and casinos etc?

As someone else said above, to think that when he was here, he very rarely put a foot wrong on the pitch. You wonder why he must have been thinking the things he did, but then perhaps he's one of these people who are always too hard on themselves?

Just hope that he gets all the support and guidance that he needs. At his age, it isn't too late for him to start again at a new club, but would think he needs to take a big wage drop, as the reported figures on his weekly wage would worry a lot of clubs at this level, especially if he's not mentally in the right place.

[Xiled]

43 minutes ago, Tipps69 said:

...

And while I sit here crying while I write this out on the same phone that enables me to have a little gamble, I realise this is the single hardest thing I've had to say for a long time!!

And please, I don't want people's sympathy or sorrow or anything but having read Caulker's piece, it hit a nerve with me!! While writing this I've deleted it, rewritten it, deleted a piece of it & rewritten bits of it!!

I didn't choose to have this happen & I've blamed myself more times than I can remember & I've hated myself even more times!! I am better than what I was but what I realised is that the recovery from this is going to take a lot longer than how long it took for me to get to my lowest but I'll do it without the aid of any 'mates' because I don't believe I'll be ever able to trust anyone enough again to really be able to call anyone my friends or 'mates' again!!

Tough read @Tipps69  As SecretSam said, I hope you have tried as many health professionals as you can find.  Hopefully one has an answer that helps.

We come into this world alone, and we leave alone.  But don't lose your faith in all of your friends - some might have misunderstood what you have been facing.  Give them a second/third chance if you can.

Make it your mission to find some answers.  You've made a big step just posting the paragraphs above.  Best wishes.

[daored]

1 hour ago, Major Isewater said:

Young sportsmen should have their money paid into accounts where they can only touch the money at a certain age or if they retire from their sports.

Give them à reasonable livable allowance but put the rest in the trust .

This way they'd hopefully learn the value of money and have something for when they start the second part of their lives as ' normal ' people.

 I know it's probably unworkable but would like to at least see some help for them in managing their financial affairs .

 

Spot on. The problem with young players is, they're offered too much to young. They don't necessarily have the life experience to be able to deal With such sums of money and the hangers on this attracts. 

There needs to be a look into monies paid to players , like you say whether it goes into a trust fund is a consideration 

[WhistleHappy]

@Tipps69  Best wishes, hope some day in the not too distant future one or two people worthy of your friendship and loyalty and able to genuinely reciprocate it will come into your life.

Fair weather friends are two a penny, easy come easy go (hard lesson to learn when you think you need them most & I feel your hurt in your words) you deserve better and hope you find the strength and belief to recognise and let the right people in when they come alone..  I know you don't want sympathy, but hope you can accept that many people here will be sorry to hear of the painful time you've been going through.. with genuine feelings.  Don't be afraid or too proud to ask for help if and when you need it, people are out there who can help.

Embrace the new you, the different life, keep smiling, understandably hard  sometimes, and I'm sure good times and good people will come your way... Good Luck mate and hope the future brightens as the clouds begin to lift, you'll be OK.  

[chinapig]

1 hour ago, !james said:

I hope the club read this and if things haven't already changed then plans are put in place. We have a duty of care to the players 

I don't think we would have passed muster with Chelsea if things hadn't improved.

[Merrick's Marvels]

26 minutes ago, chinapig said:

I don't think we would have passed muster with Chelsea if things hadn't improved.

I want to believe you. Then again, we let one of their brightest prospects drive around uninsured whilst in our care.

[Mad Cyril]

Depression is a horrible disease that can be triggered or amplified by a whole combination of factors, and can affect any person at any age.

Simply blaming it on having too much money too soon or on an employer not tracking your activity 24/7 is, at best, missing the point.

I don't think Caulker was saying that, nor should anyone on this forum.

[Merrick's Marvels]

2 hours ago, Monkeh said:

The dressing rooms were still in the same place as the previous season with regards to Kodja, they weren't ready,

as with tammy thats more down to him its the way we dealt with it in the aftermath,

You can't hold their hand all the time, my company doesn't with me you can't expect the club to do the same, 

I'm talking about the first time Kodjia ever turned up at Ashton Gate on a matchday. He had to be shown by a supporter where the dressing rooms were.

As for Abraham, was it so difficult for someone to have a conversation along the lines "Do you know your way to Failand? How are you going to get there? Do you have your own car, a licence, insurance...?". Perhaps they did. Who knows.

I can't speak for your employer but like to think my football club takes these things seriously. I'm not so sure.

[Sweeneys Penalties]

2 hours ago, Selred said:

I believe Tammy turned down Newcastle because he couldn't trust himself with the nightlife. Becoming all so important in this day and age.

 

It's the duty of the club and especially of the agents who chase the payday but don't think about their clients wellbeing.

To be fair....If I was a young man and a top Footballer. I'd love to go to Newcastle, but.....the nightlife would definitely take it's toll. The older me knows the younger me so much better than I knew myself at the time

[redapple]

I think Lee Johnson is a modern Manager and would be very conscious of the Clubs responsibilities to its players. I get a the impression the club still has its odd ways but is generally progressive. 

As for Steve Caulker, I wish him well, Mental Health Issues along with addiction, especially alcohol, are very difficult to beat. With the help of good professionals and the support of those close to him he can beat it. His son ( lives In Somerset) and his Football career can be magnificent motivation. 

Tipps 69 don't be to hard on your mates. Who knows what they've got going in in their own lives ? I'm sure some of them will come good. Use Bristol City as motivation . I've got the feeling this could be a good season. 

[Tinmans Love Child]

5 hours ago, MetzRed said:

Very moving interview with Steven Caulker in the Guardian today. He's been struggling with mental illness, alcoholism and gambling.

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2017/jun/29/steven-caulker-mental-illness-addictions-gambling-drinking-qpr

It's also troubling to read as a City fan:

“The sleepless nights, sat up till 5am replaying every bad decision I’ve ever made in my life, worrying what will be next … Tottenham sent me to Bristol City on loan at 18 and they put me in a flat in the city centre surrounded by nightclubs, two casinos opposite, the kind of money I’d never seen in my life, and no guidance whatsoever. I was pulled once by a member of staff and told I’d been spotted in the casino at 3am but their attitude was: ‘What you do in your spare time is your business. Just don’t let it affect your performances out on the pitch.’"

Like many fans I thought Caulker was one of the best players to pass through BS3 over the past few years and I thought the sky was the limit. He was certainly better than his fellow Tottenham loanee, Danny Rose, who to my continued bafflement is a regular England international these days. I'd be devastated to think that we had let him down and I sincerely hope that we are more conscientious about this sort of thing now, although Tammy's car accident says maybe we haven't...

All the best to Steven in the future. Hopefully he can rediscover his form and crack the England team again someday

Very sad, I posted about the new Tony Adams book on here the other day and unfortunately got the usual comments, I assume from those who don't understand mental illness quite as well as they could

[Eddie Hitler]

4 hours ago, ollywhyte said:

Would anyone take him back or is it too much of a risk?

If Flint departs a fresh minded Caulker could be brilliant for us. Had a cracking spell with us and Lee Johnson played in the same team as him, so will be aware of the situation!

 

He has been a total liability at QPR and they can't wait to be shot of him.

May as well sign Gazza or Billy Kenny.

[And Its Smith]

36 minutes ago, Eddie Hitler said:

He has been a total liability at QPR and they can't wait to be shot of him.

May as well sign Gazza or Billy Kenny.

Holloway wants to keep him.  

[Septic Peg]

4 hours ago, Tipps69 said:

Gambling is easy nowadays, you don't have to live on a casino's doorstep or be in a bookies 24/7, it's there in your home, on your phone or tablet or pc & there are so many ways to gamble, from the sports betting on just about any sport you can imagine to the casino games & slot machines!! Hell, you can even play bingo from the comfort of your own home!!

You no longer have to physically hand your money over, put your card details in to any hundreds of online companies & just press a number & you've transferred money into your account!! Press another number & you've magically bet all those numbers on a spin of a roulette wheel or on the turn of a card but you lose BUT you don't feel like you've lost because you never physically handed your money over, it was only numbers typed into a phone!! That's until you build the courage up to look on your banking facility on that very same phone, tablet or pc that you've just typed some numbers into to discover that those numbers were actually ££££'s.

I like a flutter, I can do it from my own home & I don't have to go out & actually see people which is great because for over 2 years now I've been suffering from depression!! I have been left feeling let down by mates who I had made friendships with for over 40 years in some cases & all because I broke my back in an accident & my world then started unraveling, from my fiancée who wanted nothing to do with me only 2 months later to then losing my job because I was unable to physically work!!

These mates were the same people who I've been best man at ones wedding, two who are my daughters god-father, lots who I'd played football, cricket & pool with for over 20 years & gone through school with & a fair few with who I have travelled the country watching City with from about the age of 14!!

But I have none of them or that anymore, I have no social media & a mobile phone that consists of 4 telephone numbers!! Everyone else has been deleted because that's how much they've made me feel!! ALONE!!

I can no longer visit the one thing that has been there throughout my life (BRISTOL CITY FOOTBALL CLUB) because I can't physically do a match day anymore!! I'm 45 in a little over 2 weeks & as sad as it may sound, this is the only thing that I can rely on!!

I've had some dark days!! Very dark days & I'm lead to believe that I'll never be the person I once was & in a way I don't ever want to be the person I once was because that former me gave a shit about my friends & mates but it has been proved that my friendship was misplaced & it's left me feeling like I'm unable to trust anyone again because if one of my friends or mates had gone through what I have, I know for a fact that I wouldn't of allowed them to go through it on their own!!

And while I sit here crying while I write this out on the same phone that enables me to have a little gamble, I realise this is the single hardest thing I've had to say for a long time!!

And please, I don't want people's sympathy or sorrow or anything but having read Caulker's piece, it hit a nerve with me!! While writing this I've deleted it, rewritten it, deleted a piece of it & rewritten bits of it!!

I didn't choose to have this happen & I've blamed myself more times than I can remember & I've hated myself even more times!! I am better than what I was but what I realised is that the recovery from this is going to take a lot longer than how long it took for me to get to my lowest but I'll do it without the aid of any 'mates' because I don't believe I'll be ever able to trust anyone enough again to really be able to call anyone my friends or 'mates' again!!

Just to say, if you ever fancy a watching a game, I'll come with ya. Being genuine too.

No alterior motive other than watching the football.

We can sit in a quiet spot if needs be and I can chat complete bollocks about allsorts (current topics include Tories, Natwest and the benefits of mongrel dogs over pedigrees).

Just shout me. 

[cidered abroad]

This isn't a modern problem. Matt Busby recognised this with the way he made sure all the youngsters were found lodgings with reliable households and people who would help them to cope with being away from home.

Yet even he ended up, reputedly, unable to keep George Best on the straight and narrow.

I hope that with the influx of young Academy players, City are providing more support and security for them than was provided in the past.

[ukneil]

Tipps I can't imagine what you are going through as I have not had the acute physical pain as well but at least from the 'mind' stuff - I would echo all the sentiments about talking, and often to a stranger is easiest and a qualified one in terms of a therapist as they will listen without judgement, and that is as liberating as the advise they will then impart.

Look I am I long way from being able to talk from a position of recovery but please don't continue to isolate yourself, reach out and look for the good in each day - whether that is being able to positively impact somebody else's day or let somebody else impact yours. By that I mean just the very small but actually most important stuff - even just sharing a smile, brief conversation or situational joke with someone who serves you in a shop for example. It does wonders for the soul. There is always tomorrow to start again, and if that doesn't work out then the next day. Don't look too far ahead or give up on getting it right. Look at the help and support coming just from this forum to spur you on, you already have a date I mean new plutonic friend to go to a game with! (See 'She-Ra', you ARE a superhero)

 

[One Team In Keynsham]

5 hours ago, Tipps69 said:

Gambling is easy nowadays, you don't have to live on a casino's doorstep or be in a bookies 24/7, it's there in your home, on your phone or tablet or pc & there are so many ways to gamble, from the sports betting on just about any sport you can imagine to the casino games & slot machines!! Hell, you can even play bingo from the comfort of your own home!!

You no longer have to physically hand your money over, put your card details in to any hundreds of online companies & just press a number & you've transferred money into your account!! Press another number & you've magically bet all those numbers on a spin of a roulette wheel or on the turn of a card but you lose BUT you don't feel like you've lost because you never physically handed your money over, it was only numbers typed into a phone!! That's until you build the courage up to look on your banking facility on that very same phone, tablet or pc that you've just typed some numbers into to discover that those numbers were actually ££££'s.

I like a flutter, I can do it from my own home & I don't have to go out & actually see people which is great because for over 2 years now I've been suffering from depression!! I have been left feeling let down by mates who I had made friendships with for over 40 years in some cases & all because I broke my back in an accident & my world then started unraveling, from my fiancée who wanted nothing to do with me only 2 months later to then losing my job because I was unable to physically work!!

These mates were the same people who I've been best man at ones wedding, two who are my daughters god-father, lots who I'd played football, cricket & pool with for over 20 years & gone through school with & a fair few with who I have travelled the country watching City with from about the age of 14!!

But I have none of them or that anymore, I have no social media & a mobile phone that consists of 4 telephone numbers!! Everyone else has been deleted because that's how much they've made me feel!! ALONE!!

I can no longer visit the one thing that has been there throughout my life (BRISTOL CITY FOOTBALL CLUB) because I can't physically do a match day anymore!! I'm 45 in a little over 2 weeks & as sad as it may sound, this is the only thing that I can rely on!!

I've had some dark days!! Very dark days & I'm lead to believe that I'll never be the person I once was & in a way I don't ever want to be the person I once was because that former me gave a shit about my friends & mates but it has been proved that my friendship was misplaced & it's left me feeling like I'm unable to trust anyone again because if one of my friends or mates had gone through what I have, I know for a fact that I wouldn't of allowed them to go through it on their own!!

And while I sit here crying while I write this out on the same phone that enables me to have a little gamble, I realise this is the single hardest thing I've had to say for a long time!!

And please, I don't want people's sympathy or sorrow or anything but having read Caulker's piece, it hit a nerve with me!! While writing this I've deleted it, rewritten it, deleted a piece of it & rewritten bits of it!!

I didn't choose to have this happen & I've blamed myself more times than I can remember & I've hated myself even more times!! I am better than what I was but what I realised is that the recovery from this is going to take a lot longer than how long it took for me to get to my lowest but I'll do it without the aid of any 'mates' because I don't believe I'll be ever able to trust anyone enough again to really be able to call anyone my friends or 'mates' again!!

@Tipps69, if you don't take up @Septic Peg's offer of actually going to a game, as a distant 2nd best pop into the forum chatroom on a match-day sometime. You'll find a load of us in there doing nothing but talking rubbish and whining about another defeat.

[CyderInACan]

45 minutes ago, Septic Peg said:

Just to say, if you ever fancy a watching a game, I'll come with ya. Being genuine too.

No alterior motive other than watching the football.

We can sit in a quiet spot if needs be and I can chat complete bollocks about allsorts (current topics include Tories, Natwest and the benefits of mongrel dogs over pedigrees).

Just shout me. 

I can definitely vouch for her ability to talk utter bollocks 

[One Team In Keynsham]

Just now, CyderInACan said:

I can definitely vouch for her ability to talk utter bollocks 

She can type it too.....

[In the Net]

That was a tough read, his lack of self-esteem is something that resonated with my own experience.  It must be especially hard when people think that you have it all, but inside your head you're worthless.  Glad that he's got a different agent now, and Holloway seems to be in his corner, so I hope that something will get sorted which will continue to aid his upward path.

 

@Tipps69 - I hope that you can access some professional help (if you haven't already).  Talking therapies can really help, along with finding the correct medication.  Like you, I gave up everything I enjoyed in life, because I couldn't cope with being around people, this included going to football.  I think that maybe men find it harder to know what to do for their mates in situations like this, so don't dwell too much on thinking that your friends have deserted you.

I'm now back to being a season ticket holder, for my sins, but it took me a long time to get this far.  I had started to attend some games, and had a sort of epiphany standing in the Blackthorn end one afternoon - Rovers scored a late winner and I was totally lost in the moment of celebration.  Shortly afterwards I realised that this was the first time for about 4 years that there had been no room for any negative feelings in my head - parts of the "old" me were still in there somewhere!  It may have only been for a few minutes, but it was a beginning, something to build on.  

It's still really tough for me to get myself out of the house, and it helps that the friend I go to matches with is always prepared to leave at any time, if things get too much for me.  Knowing that I have this "escape route", if necessary, really helps.  You've had a couple of offers re. attending games, and I hope that you'll take these up, when the time feels right.  If you wanted to go with somebody who's been in your shoes, I'd even come along myself.

Please feel free to DM if I can help in any way.  Take care - there is a way back, it just takes a while to find it sometimes. 

 

[Lanterne Rouge]

3 minutes ago, In the Net said:

That was a tough read, his lack of self-esteem is something that resonated with my own experience.  It must be especially hard when people think that you have it all, but inside your head you're worthless.  Glad that he's got a different agent now, and Holloway seems to be in his corner, so I hope that something will get sorted which will continue to aid his upward path.

 

@Tipps69 - I hope that you can access some professional help (if you haven't already).  Talking therapies can really help, along with finding the correct medication.  Like you, I gave up everything I enjoyed in life, because I couldn't cope with being around people, this included going to football.  I think that maybe men find it harder to know what to do for their mates in situations like this, so don't dwell too much on thinking that your friends have deserted you.

I'm now back to being a season ticket holder, for my sins, but it took me a long time to get this far.  I had started to attend some games, and had a sort of epiphany standing in the Blackthorn end one afternoon - Rovers scored a late winner and I was totally lost in the moment of celebration.  Shortly afterwards I realised that this was the first time for about 4 years that there had been no room for any negative feelings in my head - parts of the "old" me were still in there somewhere!  It may have only been for a few minutes, but it was a beginning, something to build on.  

It's still really tough for me to get myself out of the house, and it helps that the friend I go to matches with is always prepared to leave at any time, if things get too much for me.  Knowing that I have this "escape route", if necessary, really helps.  You've had a couple of offers re. attending games, and I hope that you'll take these up, when the time feels right.  If you wanted to go with somebody who's been in your shoes, I'd even come along myself.

Please feel free to DM if I can help in any way.  Take care - there is a way back, it just takes a while to find it sometimes. 

 

I bloody love this place.

It never ceases to amaze me how many wonderful decent people there are out there who are genuinely willing to help someone that they`ve never met.

[Dollymarie]

@Tipps69 another offer from me to come to a match and have someone to sit with. I have a spare season ticket so you'd be most welcome, provided you can put up with crazy old me, and even crazier foster son