WessexPest

Billy the white horse himself couldn’t hold back the marauding Gas hordes, Pete - but only because they’d punch the poor sod in the snoot. Otherwise it would be like clearing Dodos from Mauritius

With us not in action til Sunday I was thinking of going down the Mammary Saturday to see Barnsley try to clinch the League One title. Think I’m right in saying that Bristol City supporters are given priority ticket purchasing opportunities for the away end for the Gash’s last home game of the campaign? That was the arrangement in place for the Mansfield game a few years ago if I recall rightly?

1990 was tough to take at the time but in retrospect it really didn’t amount to much - we went up too, had the satisfaction of effectively relegating the Rent Boys in ‘93, and from then on their bragging rights over us became fewer and farther between - finished above us and won a couple of games in our dreadful seasons of 95/96 and 99/00, but where we’d couldnt buy a win at Twerton we won three times in a calendar year at their current dump and they’ve pretty much been in the wilderness ever since. You could make a case that they had a hold over us until we won a promotion with a title in 2015, but then even that advantage vanished - while we finished runner up to them and went up in 1990, 25 years later we were promoted as champions and they went up as runners up two leagues down - having fortuitously come through the lottery of penalties. 1990 is an irrelevance now.

Happy Sir Colin Daniel Day, dearly beloved brethren. I can’t decide how to celebrate: Was going to crack open the knock-off Fanta but then remembered the real stuff has links with Nazi Germany so might be more appropriate after all. Was going to make for Braintree for the day and act like an obnoxious turd but then thought maybe going to Mansfield and accusing all the locals of being Bristol City supporters. Was going to enjoy a soak in the tub - you can’t beat a Bath - but then thought I should fire up my useless Gas shower instead. So I decided just to ring Radio Bristol instead and sob uncontrollably down the phone about the local election results and my divorce instead.

I know her personally and she is far from “horrible”. She’s a very genuine, nice person. Even when she followed the Gas I considered her a friend.

The Gash women’s team will be minding the gap also - we have the elegant Carla Humphrey and they have Irene, the old crone from Robin Hood Prince of Thieves.

Awwwwww, Derby held so no 2nd of May celebration for the Rent Boys. We’ll still take inspiration Sunday from five years ago come May 3 though when their relegation looked far-fetched given they needed to lose and other results needed to go against them - yet it all fell beautifully into place and the scum bombed out of the football league. Hopefully an omen.

The Gaucho will be disillusioned when he realises they punch horses down at the Pisspoorial Ground.

Lord knows I’ve tried, but I really, really don’t like the Scottish.

Boob’s Guide to Boob Cricket.

Good day all round! FTG OTIB

This weekend will see a load of obnoxious people in blue descend on the capital, chanting boneheaded slogans and vastly exaggerating their numbers. Oh, wait, that was last Saturday - the Gash got knocked out of the Checkatrade at the last hurdle.

Unfortunately I think you’re right - too many teams in the relegation mix and I reckons they’ll stay up. High likelihood of another heavy defeat this weekend when they might otherwise have been at Wembley though.

So you’re not denying the “scum” part then?

Pah! Fair-weather Gashead. I’m sure you’ll be at Wembley on Sunday for your big cup final.

Ha - I’d completely forgotten the scum were playing tonight. No doubt a few snidey jibes about our new badge and lo and behold they’re getting their rusty sheriff’s badge well and truly pummeled. Relegation spectre still looms large over the Pisspoorial.

Congrats on winning the C*** Derby.

The lights are on but nobody’s home - story of their season with their pathetic attendances.

We’ve won it three times, we’ve won it three times, without filling it with U21s, we’ve won it three times.

Half scarves are much maligned but not as much as a travesty as quarter scarves. Fortunately won’t be seeing them at Wembley now.

Absolutely - what was the crowd when we were there? - 72,000 and some change - I’d imagine they’d beat that as Walsall’s support wasn’t great. The right outcome all round! Don’t want that lot getting a day out at Wembley.

Scum fans crying fix as the EFL got the final it wanted - I.e. one without the pox-ridden Horfield filth. Not that they care of course, it’s a stupid, irrelevant tournament. But it’s still so unfwair on the Gas - waaaaahhhhh! Well done Mackems.

Or claimed City fans pushed an innocent passenger onto the rails at Waterloo Station.

Bristol is Red, The scum play in Quarters, Shrewsbury’s injured player was attacked, By their braindead supporters. Gasheds are ugly, Gasheads are smelly, Their Valentine’s date, is Babestation on telly. Rovers are loathsome, Worse even than Leeds, When their fans act like d***s, They blame it on Sheeds. Our City is Red, Precious few are Blue, Irene’s a harlot an’ Wael’s a charlatan.

“A bigger club did it and ran away.”