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Modern Football Irritants

BRISTOL86

By BRISTOL86
in Football Chat

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NOTBLUE

NOTBLUE

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, The Dolman Pragmatist said:

Just a private grizzle: people who think that the Americans invented the word 'soccer', when actually it is an honourable and ancient word, a shortening of 'Association' football, thus differentiating it from 'rugger' (Rugby football).  Soccer is what football with the round ball was known as when I was growing up.  Football is not what we watch; football covers several different games... 

Oh and the phrase 'he opened up his body', which always sounds slightly gory to me.

Tis true soccer is one of ours.

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elhombrecito

elhombrecito

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, southside said:

Football commentators who say utter rubbish such as "denied by the crossbar, the woodwork had other ideas!!! etc , no it didn't you f#ckwits,

they missed!!,  drives me f##kin' nuts 

This annoys me too. A player isn't 'unlucky' if he hits the woodwork - he just didn't get his shot on target!

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Tinmans Love Child

Tinmans Love Child

Posted
Posted

I hate all the cliches the media use like:

It was a great ball in, but there was no one on the end of it.”
Well, it wasn’t a great ball in then.

“Those type of decisions tend to even themselves out over a season.”
Since when did footballer pundits believe in the Buddhist principle of karmic retribution?

“Those famous European nights…”
Especially true when Liverpool are playing Levski Sofia on a rainy Thursday on Channel 5.

 

“I’ve seen them given.”
Translated as – I’m not sure if it was a penalty because I’ve never quite got to grips with the handball rule.

“On his day, he’s unplayable.”

To be used only when talking about large centre-forwards like Ibrahimovic, Drogba, or, er, Andy Carroll.

“He’s found it hard to settle into the pace of the Premier League.”
His Argentinian wife hates living in Sunderland.

“He’s being talked about as the new Gerrard/Rooney/Bale.”
He’ll be released by Northampton Town when he’s 23.

“He’s not that sort of player…”
He didn’t actually mean to snap his tibia in that two-footed lunge.

“Armed with a transfer war chest…”
The new manager’s been given enough money to buy two full-backs you’ve never heard of.

“Relegation dogfight”
Level on points with three games to go.

“He’s almost hit it too well there, Ray…”
An interesting reason for why a shot flew 5 yards over the bar.

“That’s a bit of a forward’s tackle to be fair…”
To be fair, he scythed through his Achilles and now the commentators are chuckling as he receives intensive treatment on the sidelines.

“The magic of The Fa Cup”
followed inevitably by ‘the greatest cup competition in the world’.
Really?

“They ran their socks off today..”

Is there no other way of describing that the team worked hard?

“It’s just handbags Geoff..”

Is there no other way to describe two players having a disagreement. Often said with a hint of disapproval that they’re not properly fighting.

“He’s got to be hitting the target from there…”
Yeh, like you could have turned from 15 yards and hit that on your left foot.

“He’s lost the dressing room…”
The players think he’s a useless c***.

“His cultured left foot”
As everyone involved in football knows, it’s impossible to have a cultured right foot. That would be just be silly.

“He had no right to score from there…”
And everyone knows about the ancient unwritten shooting rights of football.

“He goes missing in big games.”

He’s a flat track bully.

“Stoke/Cardiff/Sunderland is such a difficult place to come.”
They love kicking away teams up in the air.

“But will he like it on a wet Wednesday night up at Newcastle?”
Guaranteed comment after an impressive debut from Arsenal’s new foreign signing.

“They like to get in the faces of their opponents.”

There will be at least three sendings off.

"The big clubs are ready to swoop.."
His agent is desperately pushing for a move.

"They just need to dot the 'i's and cross the 't's.."
This transfer will never go through.

“Such a whole-hearted, physical payer.”
A dirty b******.

“Such a clever player.”
Small and foreign.

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North London Red

North London Red

Posted
Posted

The obsession with resting players for cup games. We did it for the West Brom replay and ended up losing against West Brom and four days later against Leeds. 

'Assist' statistics. 

'Calendar year' statistics - the season runs from August to May, not from January to December  

People who refer to the premier league as the 'premiership' - it hasn't been called that for years. 

Soccer AM and in particular that 'easy, easy' chant that did the rounds a few years back. 

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NOTBLUE

NOTBLUE

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, Tinmans Love Child said:

I hate all the cliches the media use like:

It was a great ball in, but there was no one on the end of it.”
Well, it wasn’t a great ball in then.

“Those type of decisions tend to even themselves out over a season.”
Since when did footballer pundits believe in the Buddhist principle of karmic retribution?

“Those famous European nights…”
Especially true when Liverpool are playing Levski Sofia on a rainy Thursday on Channel 5.

 

“I’ve seen them given.”
Translated as – I’m not sure if it was a penalty because I’ve never quite got to grips with the handball rule.

“On his day, he’s unplayable.”

To be used only when talking about large centre-forwards like Ibrahimovic, Drogba, or, er, Andy Carroll.

“He’s found it hard to settle into the pace of the Premier League.”
His Argentinian wife hates living in Sunderland.

“He’s being talked about as the new Gerrard/Rooney/Bale.”
He’ll be released by Northampton Town when he’s 23.

“He’s not that sort of player…”
He didn’t actually mean to snap his tibia in that two-footed lunge.

“Armed with a transfer war chest…”
The new manager’s been given enough money to buy two full-backs you’ve never heard of.

“Relegation dogfight”
Level on points with three games to go.

“He’s almost hit it too well there, Ray…”
An interesting reason for why a shot flew 5 yards over the bar.

“That’s a bit of a forward’s tackle to be fair…”
To be fair, he scythed through his Achilles and now the commentators are chuckling as he receives intensive treatment on the sidelines.

“The magic of The Fa Cup”
followed inevitably by ‘the greatest cup competition in the world’.
Really?

“They ran their socks off today..”

Is there no other way of describing that the team worked hard?

“It’s just handbags Geoff..”

Is there no other way to describe two players having a disagreement. Often said with a hint of disapproval that they’re not properly fighting.

“He’s got to be hitting the target from there…”
Yeh, like you could have turned from 15 yards and hit that on your left foot.

“He’s lost the dressing room…”
The players think he’s a useless c***.

“His cultured left foot”
As everyone involved in football knows, it’s impossible to have a cultured right foot. That would be just be silly.

“He had no right to score from there…”
And everyone knows about the ancient unwritten shooting rights of football.

“He goes missing in big games.”

He’s a flat track bully.

“Stoke/Cardiff/Sunderland is such a difficult place to come.”
They love kicking away teams up in the air.

“But will he like it on a wet Wednesday night up at Newcastle?”
Guaranteed comment after an impressive debut from Arsenal’s new foreign signing.

“They like to get in the faces of their opponents.”

There will be at least three sendings off.

"The big clubs are ready to swoop.."
His agent is desperately pushing for a move.

"They just need to dot the 'i's and cross the 't's.."
This transfer will never go through.

“Such a whole-hearted, physical payer.”
A dirty b******.

“Such a clever player.”
Small and foreign.

Love the dirty b****** one.

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Rudolf Hucker

Rudolf Hucker

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, Woodsy said:

Not read the thread as I will only get angry - but this sums it up for me

Blues forward Dominic Solanke, 18, is holding out for £50,000 a week to stay at Stamford Bridge - despite never having started a first-team game. (Mail)

Never heard of him, but I think he's a****

Never seen him in the Dolman.

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Rudolf Hucker

Rudolf Hucker

Posted
Posted

Players being substituted doing that stupid and extremely irritating, very small-paced jog to the touchline - trying to make it look as though they're hurrying to get off whereas it would be quicker had they just walked off, stopping to buy a pie on the way.

Davie Provan - whom, despite never having kicked a ball in English football now seems to be in the commentary team for every Sky televised match played in the Premier League.

Andy Townsend and Jim Beglin. Both RoI footballers, although Townsend was born in England and only qualified to play for Ireland due to his family heritage, who get trotted out by ITV to commentate on England internationals. WTF is that about?

Sepp Blatter. Michel Platini. In fact everybody involved in FIFA and EUFA.

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Major Isewater

Major Isewater

Posted
Posted

In fact we don't like modern football very much at all now do we ?

Be careful FIFA and company we are n't perhaps the passive pigeons you all take us for .

The Goose that lays the golden egg ( that's us , in case any of you did n't realise ) needs looking after or the gravy train risks to be derailed .

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Robson

Robson

Posted
Posted
On ‎25‎/‎04‎/‎2016 at 23:09, Fordy62 said:

Turning the lights on at Ashton Gate when there are 5 minutes to go and we're losing. 

I always thought it gave the referee the reminder that the game was nearly over. 

I thought this was to remind the Dolman to leave early if they've forgotten..

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nathredwood

nathredwood

Posted
Posted
On 25/04/2016 at 20:40, PolskRed said:

 

Player slapping the ground and screaming when "fouled"

All seater stadiums

Those stupid ******* things Leicester fans have that they slap in the palm of their hands

Fans moaning about other fans swearing

Fans moaning about the standard of food in the ground

Fans moaning...

Players turning up at the ground with big head phones looking like they have the weight of the world on their shoulders

Players tweets

Adrian Durham

Plastic fans of Premier League teams (obvious but needs a mention)/People who support their local team but have a favourite "Prem" team as well

Blatant time wasting by players

Referee's that are continually conned by players time wasting 

There are others but that's enough for now.

 

 

:facepalm:

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