I'm not very well and I don't know where else to go

[mozo]

to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weighs you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again. ~Ellen Bass

(Book: Poetry of Presence: An Anthology of Mindfulness Poems https://amzn.to/3OEA3EB)

[roddy-d]

HR1 3HY is the place when you get that way. I’ve seen my sister die through covid cause she couldn’t get help with her alcohol problems. I mean what can you do but just say stop. this year the biggest farmer In Herefordshire has taken in his own life by his own tractor. Who I was best best friends with. He tried it once failed went to Bristol to get help 2 days later he did it again. I know lots who take their own life’s since I was young from Sadler to mercer. I will never understand as I can’t do it myself without a fight . 

[roddy-d]

Playing the American pie song myself right now. USA ringing through my ears . 

[hollydog]

On 20/08/2023 at 02:33, roddy-d said:

Playing the American pie song myself right now. USA ringing through my ears . 

Bumping because there’s so much good advice on this thread.

[mozo]

Thoughts are still with anyone having a hard time at the moment 

[hollydog]

Bumping again because of the useful advice on this thread. Much more important than another whine about Lee Johnson. 

[bpexile]

It really is so sad to see that so many have had mental issues at some stage or another. I too went through a period where I thought I was better off out of it, I lost many mates in motorcycle accidents before they made their teens & honestly thought of ending my mental pain. I decided to come to Oz on my own & saw new outlooks in life that helped me over it, I'm in my mid 70's now & my only real worry is not being around long enough to do the things I want. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how dark & deep your mental state becomes, things will improve if you give it a chance.

My biggest help was a german shepherd that stuck by me through all my bad moments & I'm convinced she sensed my problems, she's long gone now but her memories continue to pick me up.

Never give up & where there's a heartbeat there's hope 

 

[Ziderarmy]

On 19/09/2023 at 05:47, bpexile said:

It really is so sad to see that so many have had mental issues at some stage or another. I too went through a period where I thought I was better off out of it, I lost many mates in motorcycle accidents before they made their teens & honestly thought of ending my mental pain. I decided to come to Oz on my own & saw new outlooks in life that helped me over it, I'm in my mid 70's now & my only real worry is not being around long enough to do the things I want. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how dark & deep your mental state becomes, things will improve if you give it a chance.

My biggest help was a german shepherd that stuck by me through all my bad moments & I'm convinced she sensed my problems, she's long gone now but her memories continue to pick me up.

Never give up & where there's a heartbeat there's hope 

 

You ever seen afterlife? The German Shepherd helped Tony (Ricky Gervais) a lot. 

[bpexile]

37 minutes ago, Ziderarmy said:

You ever seen afterlife? The German Shepherd helped Tony (Ricky Gervais) a lot. 

No I haven't but will make a point of doing so, I've read many books on dogs in war situations, Vietnam, bomb detection etc etc etc, they are all such incredible companions. It was the worst day of my life having to take my Shepherd to the vets the day we lost her, it's awful loosing close friends, family members etc but when you have to make that decision it really hits home very hard.

In my previous post it was supposed to read "before they made it out of their teens", I'm guessing people understood anyway.

Thanks for your input, stay safe mate  

[Ziderarmy]

45 minutes ago, bpexile said:

No I haven't but will make a point of doing so, I've read many books on dogs in war situations, Vietnam, bomb detection etc etc etc, they are all such incredible companions. It was the worst day of my life having to take my Shepherd to the vets the day we lost her, it's awful loosing close friends, family members etc but when you have to make that decision it really hits home very hard.

In my previous post it was supposed to read "before they made it out of their teens", I'm guessing people understood anyway.

Thanks for your input, stay safe mate  

It’s a very good series, comical in places but also very moving in others. 

[mozo]

On 19/09/2023 at 05:47, bpexile said:

It really is so sad to see that so many have had mental issues at some stage or another. I too went through a period where I thought I was better off out of it, I lost many mates in motorcycle accidents before they made their teens & honestly thought of ending my mental pain. I decided to come to Oz on my own & saw new outlooks in life that helped me over it, I'm in my mid 70's now & my only real worry is not being around long enough to do the things I want. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how dark & deep your mental state becomes, things will improve if you give it a chance.

My biggest help was a german shepherd that stuck by me through all my bad moments & I'm convinced she sensed my problems, she's long gone now but her memories continue to pick me up.

Never give up & where there's a heartbeat there's hope 

 

I've always wanted a GSD and just need to wait a while for it to be more convenient. I'm sure it'll really help with general wellbeing. 

[bpexile]

1 hour ago, mozo said:

I've always wanted a GSD and just need to wait a while for it to be more convenient. I'm sure it'll really help with general wellbeing. 

You won't regret it, incredible animals, I'd love another one but couldn't go through the heartache again but of course at my age it could be me leaving first. I just babysit the daughter & sons dogs now, a bit like grandkids just hand them back when they're naughty .

Cheers mate, stay safe

[RedJim]

On 19/09/2023 at 05:47, bpexile said:

It really is so sad to see that so many have had mental issues at some stage or another. I too went through a period where I thought I was better off out of it, I lost many mates in motorcycle accidents before they made their teens & honestly thought of ending my mental pain. I decided to come to Oz on my own & saw new outlooks in life that helped me over it, I'm in my mid 70's now & my only real worry is not being around long enough to do the things I want. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how dark & deep your mental state becomes, things will improve if you give it a chance.

My biggest help was a german shepherd that stuck by me through all my bad moments & I'm convinced she sensed my problems, she's long gone now but her memories continue to pick me up.

Never give up & where there's a heartbeat there's hope 

 

This is so true, dogs are the best friends when you need one the most.

My lab is 2 years old and the past 2 years have been a real struggle for me with my mind - I'm late 30s, living away from my family and close friends, my wife and I have been suffering with infertility for years, and life is moving on at a real pace. I am questioning whether I am enough and whether I can make myself happy now and in the future. Having my dog around has got me through some of my worst days - she senses when I'm sad, and never judges me. 

So many lovely messages on this thread, it brings me a bit of hope reading them all, so thank you.

[bpexile]

22 minutes ago, RedJim said:

This is so true, dogs are the best friends when you need one the most.

My lab is 2 years old and the past 2 years have been a real struggle for me with my mind - I'm late 30s, living away from my family and close friends, my wife and I have been suffering with infertility for years, and life is moving on at a real pace. I am questioning whether I am enough and whether I can make myself happy now and in the future. Having my dog around has got me through some of my worst days - she senses when I'm sad, and never judges me. 

So many lovely messages on this thread, it brings me a bit of hope reading them all, so thank you.

You're welcome my friend,  hang in there & you will get through with a mate like that, they're very special, they ask for nothing except friendship & give everything.

Take care & stay safe mate

[Ska Junkie]

1 hour ago, RedJim said:

This is so true, dogs are the best friends when you need one the most.

My lab is 2 years old and the past 2 years have been a real struggle for me with my mind - I'm late 30s, living away from my family and close friends, my wife and I have been suffering with infertility for years, and life is moving on at a real pace. I am questioning whether I am enough and whether I can make myself happy now and in the future. Having my dog around has got me through some of my worst days - she senses when I'm sad, and never judges me. 

So many lovely messages on this thread, it brings me a bit of hope reading them all, so thank you.

Dogs are wonderful friends.

Never had a dog before but my Mrs got a tiny rescue pup from Romania a couple of years ago when I was really struggling. Without my noticing, I improved gradually and a part of it is down to the dog. No judgement, just instant love and they DO know when you're down.

I wouldn't be without the great big lummox now! 

Edited September 21, 2023 by Ska Junkie

[bpexile]

8 hours ago, Ska Junkie said:

Dogs are wonderful friends.

Never had a dog before but my Mrs got a tiny rescue pup from Romania a couple of years ago when I was really struggling. Without my noticing, I improved gradually and a part of it is down to the dog. No judgement, just instant love and they DO know when you're down.

I wouldn't be without the great big lummox now! 

It looks as though many of us have so much in common besides our beloved Reds, it's heart warming to see the compassion & friendship on here from total strangers........................... Thankyou ALL

United we stand 

[Port Said Red]

On 21/09/2023 at 15:17, Ska Junkie said:

Dogs are wonderful friends.

Never had a dog before but my Mrs got a tiny rescue pup from Romania a couple of years ago when I was really struggling. Without my noticing, I improved gradually and a part of it is down to the dog. No judgement, just instant love and they DO know when you're down.

I wouldn't be without the great big lummox now! 

I love dogs, but we don't have one currently. During lockdown we got a kitten and because of all the isolating stuff we decided to keep her as a house cat, the furthest she goes is the garden.

I have to say we have never had a pet like her, she definitely stopped us from losing the plot completely during lockdown and she still keeps us amused on a daily basis. 

So it's not just dogs that can help your well being.

[Ziderarmy]

Anyone else really struggling since the locks changed and it’s dark all the time?
 

I’m doing my best to keep motivated but to be honest with a fair few things going on in my life at present I’m struggling personally right now.

I’m trying to keep busy but feel likes I’ve got into a negative cycle at the moment I’m trying my hardest to break. 

[BCFC Rich]

1 hour ago, Ziderarmy said:

Anyone else really struggling since the locks changed and it’s dark all the time?
 

I’m doing my best to keep motivated but to be honest with a fair few things going on in my life at present I’m struggling personally right now.

I’m trying to keep busy but feel likes I’ve got into a negative cycle at the moment I’m trying my hardest to break. 

Sorry you are struggling, I can definitely relate. I don't know if it would work for you, But I actually regularly suffered at that point in the year. I found that making myself get up early with the sunrise and jogging or riding really changed everything. It sounds counter-intuitive, but exercise actually becomes energising and is clinically proven to help with motivation and depression. It might be that you already do something like that, but it made a huge difference to me. It took a week or two to get into the swing of it, but I have kept it up ever since and it has had tons of benefits. 

Either way well done for posting here, glad this thread exists. 

[ENOUGH]

5 hours ago, Ziderarmy said:

Anyone else really struggling since the locks changed and it’s dark all the time?
 

I’m doing my best to keep motivated but to be honest with a fair few things going on in my life at present I’m struggling personally right now.

I’m trying to keep busy but feel likes I’ve got into a negative cycle at the moment I’m trying my hardest to break. 

Sorry just cottoned on to this, thought locks changed? then penny dropped its clocks; know the feeling and the seemingly constant negative news all the time doesnt help; stopped watching the news and 100% concentrating on the positives and keeping busy.

One day at a time is all we can do really, in dark times look for the chinks of light and ignore the rest.

[Super]

14 hours ago, Ziderarmy said:

Anyone else really struggling since the locks changed and it’s dark all the time?
 

I’m doing my best to keep motivated but to be honest with a fair few things going on in my life at present I’m struggling personally right now.

I’m trying to keep busy but feel likes I’ve got into a negative cycle at the moment I’m trying my hardest to break. 

I struggled for a while coming home to a dark house in winter after my marriage broke down and she moved away with my lad. I can completely relate to you mate. I just tried to keep as busy as possible i know it's not easy but see if there are any local clubs they may have a meet up with people in the same position. I took up Badminton again and that at least got me out of the house a couple of nights a week. 

Also great point above from @masonabout the news etc. 

[Tim Monaghan]

On 19/11/2023 at 23:46, Ziderarmy said:

Anyone else really struggling since the locks changed and it’s dark all the time?
 

I’m doing my best to keep motivated but to be honest with a fair few things going on in my life at present I’m struggling personally right now.

I’m trying to keep busy but feel likes I’ve got into a negative cycle at the moment I’m trying my hardest to break. 

Its a hard one isn't it when it seems a bit dull all of the time. I'm not saying this will help, and I'm NOT a doctor, but have you tried taking vitamin D tablets? Vitamin D is really vital for you and a lack of it can cause you to feel less motivated. 

Anyway, if you ever need to talk, drop me a DM and I'll pass you my number. I'm always happy to have a chat, night or day about anything, genuinely. Maybe not about City though, it might make you feel worse  

[mozo]

Great points above that the darker, colder months can be a real mental challenge. By February I'm absolutely fed up with it!

It goes without saying that mental health challenges will intensify, so I guess people need to be even more attentive to their mental health and do all the things that they know help them, whatever that may be. 

I'd imagine Christmas can be a tough time for a lot of people too, especially if they don't have a family to spend it with. It's easy to think that everyone else is having such a perfect time.

I wish I had suggestions for ways to deal with this but I'm not an expert. I'm really hoping anyone struggling on OTIB this winter will take some solace from the support on here. 

We're in this together! COYR 

[Ziderarmy]

How’s everyone doing? Just thought I’d check in with it being Christmas Day. 
 

I’m currently having up and down days but glad to have a break from work and the routine and hoping to spend time with my family over the next week or so. 
 

Going to rejoin the gym in the new year and focus on myself a bit more. 
 

Hope everyone else is doing well. Take care all. 

[Hamdon Mart]

Another one here for whom exercise in the past has been massive.

I'm morbidly obese (don't look it but am) and in July 2019, I embarked on a mission to lose weight. Am mid-50's; single with children (two at home) and two away + grandchildren. Decided that I would quite like to be around to see them all grow up into fine young Yeovil Town fans (don't judge me  ).

Anyhow, set my mind on walking 5,000 steps a day. Not just my steps I do at work but a clear 5,000 steps in one walk or maybe two. Started in the July and by March, I had lost five stone and felt hugely better. I'd managed to do my 5,000 steps every day bar one when I forgot (  ) and some days, way more. Think with my normal steps, I averaged around 8,000 a day.

Cutting a long story short, COVID came in the March. I foolishly obeyed the one hour a day exercise rule which restricted the amount of walking I did. In addition, I took a job on at Sainsbury's as an online picker meaning I did around 8,000 steps each day by 8am, but they were short, shuffly steps rather than out-in-the-fresh-air strides so didn't really get much benefit really. Always tired so didd't exercise and within 18 months had put the whole five stone back on.

I'm now at my heaviest and am trying to sort my life out to a point where I can get walking again. Hopefully, no pandemic will come along anf derail me this time as I need to stick to it. My profile pic here is an image of what I looked like at my proper fighting weight of around 15 stone, I'm now nearly eight stone heavier than that. I'd be happy losing six stone this year and it is achievable, it's only just over 1.5 lbs a week. However if you REALLY want to feel better upstairs, I believe you should combine it with a few other things like decluttering your house, taking up a new hobby or reorganising your finances. The whole thing WILL help you to feel better. 

Although I'm of a green persuasion, my part time work enables me to get to 90% of City's home games and I love the matchday experience. Have probably met many of you from here IRL - to close, wishing everyone on here a Merry Christmas and a genuinely Happy New Year. 

[harkow red]

Hi, Take up social dancing. It's lots of fun, good for the health, physically and mentally, great if you are lonely. You don't need to bring a partner because you swap partners during the night whilst having lessons.  You can either do Salsa/Bachata/ Cha Cha/ Kizomba with the Latin music or you can do modern jive/west coast swing etc with pop music.There is also Latin and Ballroom but in my experience it takes a long time to excel and feel confident for a social dance (not so fun). Hope this helps someone.

 

[Ziderarmy]

2 hours ago, harkow red said:

Hi, Take up social dancing. It's lots of fun, good for the health, physically and mentally, great if you are lonely. You don't need to bring a partner because you swap partners during the night whilst having lessons.  You can either do Salsa/Bachata/ Cha Cha/ Kizomba with the Latin music or you can do modern jive/west coast swing etc with pop music.There is also Latin and Ballroom but in my experience it takes a long time to excel and feel confident for a social dance (not so fun). Hope this helps someone.

 

Fair play, I honestly couldn’t think of anything work. I only dance when drunk  

[Ziderarmy]

16 hours ago, Hamdon Mart said:

Another one here for whom exercise in the past has been massive.

I'm morbidly obese (don't look it but am) and in July 2019, I embarked on a mission to lose weight. Am mid-50's; single with children (two at home) and two away + grandchildren. Decided that I would quite like to be around to see them all grow up into fine young Yeovil Town fans (don't judge me  ).

Anyhow, set my mind on walking 5,000 steps a day. Not just my steps I do at work but a clear 5,000 steps in one walk or maybe two. Started in the July and by March, I had lost five stone and felt hugely better. I'd managed to do my 5,000 steps every day bar one when I forgot (  ) and some days, way more. Think with my normal steps, I averaged around 8,000 a day.

Cutting a long story short, COVID came in the March. I foolishly obeyed the one hour a day exercise rule which restricted the amount of walking I did. In addition, I took a job on at Sainsbury's as an online picker meaning I did around 8,000 steps each day by 8am, but they were short, shuffly steps rather than out-in-the-fresh-air strides so didn't really get much benefit really. Always tired so didd't exercise and within 18 months had put the whole five stone back on.

I'm now at my heaviest and am trying to sort my life out to a point where I can get walking again. Hopefully, no pandemic will come along anf derail me this time as I need to stick to it. My profile pic here is an image of what I looked like at my proper fighting weight of around 15 stone, I'm now nearly eight stone heavier than that. I'd be happy losing six stone this year and it is achievable, it's only just over 1.5 lbs a week. However if you REALLY want to feel better upstairs, I believe you should combine it with a few other things like decluttering your house, taking up a new hobby or reorganising your finances. The whole thing WILL help you to feel better. 

Although I'm of a green persuasion, my part time work enables me to get to 90% of City's home games and I love the matchday experience. Have probably met many of you from here IRL - to close, wishing everyone on here a Merry Christmas and a genuinely Happy New Year. 

Fair play, where do you live? Maybe we could start a city strava group to encourage each other? 

[harkow red]

There is a few places in Bristol if you google, usually about £7 /8 entry on most nights of the week. I live in Essex, but there are events all over the country. usually 60-70% women, you become very wanted as lead/male dancer. There is no depression whilst partner dancing.

 

[Mattredrobin]

Nice to see this flagged up again, so important to keep talking if you need to, I've been up and down over Christmas, just dad guilt that I don't see my son Christmas day although I did get to see him quiet a bit, it's not quiet the same. Sending hugs and thoughts to whoever needs them.