I'm not very well and I don't know where else to go

[cidered abroad]

4 hours ago, Ghost Rider said:

Exactly this. I’ve always found it strange that if someone asked for help for a heart attack or a liver condition etc, people wouldn’t feel the need to be embarrassed or ashamed. I don’t understand why people would feel awkward about asking for help when it comes to the brain. Literally the (one of the) most vital organ. Humans are funny aren’t they! I’m glad that’s it’s changing though. 

Big positive changes in my lifetime. For instance, my mother ended up in Barrow Gurney Hospital,( called the loony bin by many) in her mid fifties. At least she managed to refuse the electric shock treatment which was all the rage then.

What was her problem?

Coping with the menopause! No medication available then unlike now with HRT readily available to help many women to cope with a horrible time for many in their lives.

[OliOTIB]

Slightly off topic - struggling to sleep currently.

Just wondering if everyone felt the same way about this

Does football impact everyone else in such a positive way? Saturdays with my mates, and still playing on the odd occasion with friends. As cringe as it sounds, it really is my only real drive to get out of bed some days, all i look forward to every week.

Very random i know, but just wondering how much of an impact it genuinely has on everyones mental health and motivation.

 

 

[Davefevs]

8 hours ago, OliOTIB said:

Slightly off topic - struggling to sleep currently.

Just wondering if everyone felt the same way about this

Does football impact everyone else in such a positive way? Saturdays with my mates, and still playing on the odd occasion with friends. As cringe as it sounds, it really is my only real drive to get out of bed some days, all i look forward to every week.

Very random i know, but just wondering how much of an impact it genuinely has on everyones mental health and motivation.

 

 

I know it sounds stupid but for a couple of hours after each game I do feel the result has a bearing on my mood.  Last Saturday was great for example.

[cidered abroad]

24 minutes ago, Davefevs said:

I know it sounds stupid but for a couple of hours after each game I do feel the result has a bearing on my mood.  Last Saturday was great for example.

That is , for me, exactly what happens.

My dearly departed first wife said to our son when he was about six years that if City had won, was the time to ask for the world and that I'd try to get it for him.

After a defeat, though, keep away from me until bedtime at least.

I might be a bit calmer now as I'm an old grumpie man anyway but I still hate losing.

PS. Tomorrow against one of the clubs that I detest the most in the four leagues. Example: when we were in Division One, we could beat the Liverpool's, Manures, Chelsea's, Spurs and so on but did we ever beat the Blue Noses. Last season here was a miracle 4-2 win. Can it happen two seasons in succession? My wife is already booked in to a night with one of her mates.

PPS. The guy next door is a Brummie who has just had his second heart attack. If they win tomorrow, I'll make ******* sure he has another one!!!!!!

Edited August 18, 2023 by cidered abroad

[1960maaan]

17 hours ago, cidered abroad said:

Big positive changes in my lifetime. For instance, my mother ended up in Barrow Gurney Hospital,( called the loony bin by many) in her mid fifties. At least she managed to refuse the electric shock treatment which was all the rage then.

What was her problem?

Coping with the menopause! No medication available then unlike now with HRT readily available to help many women to cope with a horrible time for many in their lives.

It has changed for the better, but not necessarily quickly or far enough. 
I was amazed at the number of different symptoms that Menopause can bring.
My Wife had to fight for 2/3 years to get a decent response. Fobbed off with excuses and even ended up having a brain scan because of the Brain fog she got at times. What was most annoying was Women Doctors were as bad as the Men, disbelieving or putting it down to something else. She had a private Specialist appointment which helped massively and even pointed her Doctors towards studies. It affected her entire life , now she has Testosterone patches which has made a massive difference. 
It is getting better, but still too slowly and not across the entire health Service as it could.

[mozo]

57 minutes ago, Davefevs said:

I know it sounds stupid but for a couple of hours after each game I do feel the result has a bearing on my mood.  Last Saturday was great for example.

I think there are 3 aspects of how supporting City impacts my mental wellbeing:

1. The matchday impact. I find when I'm watching game live I feel pretty tense because it feels like so much is riding on every game, and a game can turn in a single moment. The result will then dictate my mood for the rest of Saturday and sometime beyond.

2. Togetherness. Everything from a pre-match catch up with mates to thousands of us cheering a goal to a thread like this.

3. The storyline. Following the ins and outs, ups and downs, is another part of the experience and anyone on those forum is a City nerd to some extent! In a way it's a form of escapism, but I guess can affect our mood too.

So, it's debatable that 1 is great for mental health, but 2 definitely is. 3 keeps us occupied and distracted from the stresses of everyday life.

There's also the broader escapism that football provides, like MOTD, fantasy football, and just watching the beautiful game in general.

All in all, it's a good thing.

 

Edited August 18, 2023 by mozo

[Azed]

8 minutes ago, mozo said:

I think there are 3 aspects of how supporting City impacts my mental wellbeing:

1. The matchday impact. I find when I'm watching game live I feel pretty tense because it feels like so much is riding on every game, and a game can turn in a single moment. The result will then dictate my mood for the rest of Saturday and sometime beyond.

2. Togetherness. Everything from a pre-match catch up with mates to thousands of us cheering a goal to a thread like this.

3. The storyline. Following the ins and outs, ups and downs, is another part of the experience and anyone on those forum is a City nerd to some extent! In a way it's a form of escapism, but I guess can affect our mood too.

So, it's debatable that 1 is great for mental health, but 2 definitely is. 3 keeps us occupied and distracted from the stresses of everyday life.

There's also the broader escapism that football provides, like MOTD, fantasy football, and just watching the beautiful game in general.

All in all, it's a good thing.

 

Pretty much agree with all of this M, I'd just add that if I have trouble sleeping because my brain is running through a million things I think of City and even if we're going through a bad patch I leave the mundane worries behind and can only the see positives my team is capable of. Sound asleep within a few minutes!

 

[cotswoldred2]

22 minutes ago, mozo said:

I think there are 3 aspects of how supporting City impacts my mental wellbeing:

1. The matchday impact. I find when I'm watching game live I feel pretty tense because it feels like so much is riding on every game, and a game can turn in a single moment. The result will then dictate my mood for the rest of Saturday and sometime beyond.

2. Togetherness. Everything from a pre-match catch up with mates to thousands of us cheering a goal to a thread like this.

3. The storyline. Following the ins and outs, ups and downs, is another part of the experience and anyone on those forum is a City nerd to some extent! In a way it's a form of escapism, but I guess can affect our mood too.

So, it's debatable that 1 is great for mental health, but 2 definitely is. 3 keeps us occupied and distracted from the stresses of everyday life.

There's also the broader escapism that football provides, like MOTD, fantasy football, and just watching the beautiful game in general.

All in all, it's a good thing.

 

It gets to me just too much I am afraid...can't watch it live on the feeds or even commentary...I go through a routine of taking quick score updates going for walks , watching old films and worrying. I actually enjoy the summer breaks and International weeks when City don't play. This is a result of many years of supporting an underachieving outfit...the elation when we win is crazy as is the despair in a loss. 

I need counselling I admit, but I know there is no  known cure I am afraid I have to put the blame firmly on my parents who were City and being born and living in the better part of Bristol in my informative years.

How I envy those that watch City at the Gate who treat it as if it was a no more than a trip to the Cinema...for me it's as if my life depended on it.

[cotswoldred2]

1 hour ago, Davefevs said:

I know it sounds stupid but for a couple of hours after each game I do feel the result has a bearing on my mood.  Last Saturday was great for example.

That last minute goal eh? If you could bottle that feeling and sell it....

[redkev]

1 hour ago, Davefevs said:

I know it sounds stupid but for a couple of hours after each game I do feel the result has a bearing on my mood.  Last Saturday was great for example.

Couple of hours Dave that’s cool , city results have had an effect on my whole life that’s why I’m so messed up

( just a joke it what was a serious post by the original poster ) 

[redkev]

14 minutes ago, cotswoldred2 said:

That last minute goal eh? If you could bottle that feeling and sell it....

What about the ones we conceded game after game when Nige first arrived 

wouldn’t want to bottle that up the bloody bottle would explod and shoot off out of orbit

[cotswoldred2]

17 minutes ago, redkev said:

What about the ones we conceded game after game when Nige first arrived 

wouldn’t want to bottle that up the bloody bottle would explod and shoot off out of orbit

Yep Forest at home two goals in injury time after 1-0 up....still gives me the shudders.

[mozo]

1 hour ago, Azed said:

Pretty much agree with all of this M, I'd just add that if I have trouble sleeping because my brain is running through a million things I think of City and even if we're going through a bad patch I leave the mundane worries behind and can only the see positives my team is capable of. Sound asleep within a few minutes!

 

You know what, I've used thinking about City as something to think about to get me to sleep many many times in the past. Always does the job.

40 minutes ago, cotswoldred2 said:

It gets to me just too much I am afraid...can't watch it live on the feeds or even commentary...I go through a routine of taking quick score updates going for walks , watching old films and worrying. I actually enjoy the summer breaks and International weeks when City don't play. This is a result of many years of supporting an underachieving outfit...the elation when we win is crazy as is the despair in a loss. 

I need counselling I admit, but I know there is no  known cure I am afraid I have to put the blame firmly on my parents who were City and being born and living in the better part of Bristol in my informative years.

How I envy those that watch City at the Gate who treat it as if it was a no more than a trip to the Cinema...for me it's as if my life depended on it.

That's really interesting. I'm much more anxious when I'm there in person than when watching RTV, but either way it's a stress! Unless we're 4-0 up, against 10 men and in the 8th minute of injury time!

 

[Fordy62]

I’m most anxious when we’re doing well, because I know what’s just round the corner. I’m much calmer during a mid table nothing or even a relegation battle. 

[Ian M]

On 17/08/2023 at 00:10, Norn Iron said:

Thank you mods. 

Thanks for not closing this thread or moving it to a different section. 

 

We were asked in another thread why we had left this thread "hidden away" on the transfer forum and I'm afraid I wasn't in a position to answer at the time.

However, this seems an appropriate reply to explain that personally I left this thread here because there were multiple people invested in this thread by that time, getting and offering help from it and knew exactly where to go to check on the thread's progress. I thought it would be an inappropriate time to move it.

[mozo]

26 minutes ago, Ian M said:

We were asked in another thread why we had left this thread "hidden away" on the transfer forum and I'm afraid I wasn't in a position to answer at the time.

However, this seems an appropriate reply to explain that personally I left this thread here because there were multiple people invested in this thread by that time, getting and offering help from it and knew exactly where to go to check on the thread's progress. I thought it would be an inappropriate time to move it.

You did the right thing 100%

[mozo]

45 minutes ago, Fordy62 said:

I’m most anxious when we’re doing well, because I know what’s just round the corner. I’m much calmer during a mid table nothing or even a relegation battle. 

The problem with City is we very rarely have those dull mid table seasons. We seem to be riddled with drama of one kind or another!

[ExiledAjax]

2 hours ago, mozo said:

The problem with City is we very rarely have those dull mid table seasons. We seem to be riddled with drama of one kind or another!

Have we not had 4 or so of those seasons in a row now? We've not really been in the top 6 or bottom 3 (at a meaningful time in the season) since 18/19, and haven't ever truly looked like threatening those positions either (bar the "Holden-slide" in 2020/21).

Anyway, I'm late to this as tbh I don't come into the transfer forum too often. @Porto Red you did a good thing speaking up, if you feel embarrassed by that as well then that's a normal thing to feel, but it's also a good thing because it means you recognise something in yourself that you'd like to change.

You've taken the first and hardest step towards making that change. Well done.

Edited August 18, 2023 by ExiledAjax

[redkev]

On 17/08/2023 at 09:02, MarcusX said:

That was a tough read and I'm truly sorry you feel that way and you've these experiences.

Your post resonates with me, as it could have been written by the person in my life who is in a similar place to you.

I wish I could tell him how much I love him and how I proud I am of him despite the things that went wrong.

As someone else said I really don't want to sound patronising or say the usual words but I'm sure there are people who feel the same way towards you, even people you may not expect.

If it's any comfort at all, your post has encouraged me to reach out to my Dad and see if he wants to go watch the City again like the old days.

I hope you and your dad can put your differences aside and have some quality Dad / son time together ( mind you watching city & the word quality might be pushing it ) but seriously I battled with my dad basically from the age of 14 until I was 20 leaving home at 16 and living in a bed sit on my own ( I just had to get away ) somehow slowly we matured both him & me and we got to be father & son again for a very short period until he unexpectedly passed away , he’s been gone for the best part of 40 years now and I miss him every day probably more now then when I was younger .

so get back with your dad and get watching the city again you don’t know how jealous I am that you have the opportunity at least , I would love to have my dad alongside me down at the gate ( problem was he was gas ) I think you know what I mean though 

[mozo]

22 minutes ago, ExiledAjax said:

Have we not had 4 or so of those seasons in a row now? We've not really been in the top 6 or bottom 3 (at a meaningful time in the season) since 18/19, and haven't ever truly looked like threatening those positions either (bar the "Holden-slide" in 2019/20).

Was Holden not 2020-21?

Didn't we then in 2021-22 have the drama of Nige's illness in his first season? And a change of coaching staff? We thought he might be replaced. Then had a slump in the second half of the season which looked a bit worrying until we picked up in the last few games to finish 19th.

2022-23 we were 4th after 8 games and thought we were amazing. Then we went on a bad run and were back down 19th halfway through the season. There was a brief 'Nige Out' movement early winter. Then we picked up and looked solid second half of the season. 

We've also had the high of the cup run and the mixed feelings of big transfers.

It feels pretty dramatic to me!

* I may have misremembered or poorly researched these details!*

[ExiledAjax]

2 minutes ago, mozo said:

Was Holden not 2020-21?

It was, my mistake.

2 minutes ago, mozo said:

Didn't we then in 2021-22 have the drama of Nige's illness in his first season? And a change of coaching staff? We thought he might be replaced. Then had a slump in the second half of the season which looked a bit worrying until we picked up in the last few games to finish 19th.

But we never actually went lower than 20th and finished 17th. Our xG and points per game never really dipped into the "oh gosh we're awful" stage of things for any extended period of time, and the "slump" was more a correction of table placing to form in general. I was never concerned about relegation that season. If you're counting off-the-field issues like the manager's health then sure, it was a bit up and down.

6 minutes ago, mozo said:

2022-23 we were 4th after 8 games and thought we were amazing. Then we went on a bad run and were back down 19th halfway through the season. There was a brief 'Nige Out' movement early winter. Then we picked up and looked solid second half of the season. 

Again, 4th after 8 games was a slightly false high, and in my opinion just as being 16th isn't worrying from a relegation position, so being 8th isn't really looking like promotion. Whilst he's not the perfect manager, "Nige Out" was a complete overreaction to a few poor results, and he changed the system and sorted things out. 

I accept that this is all a question of opinions, perception, and you're own personal feelings regarding danger of promotion and relegation, but I honestly feel we've been a (remarkably) solid mid-table team for a good half a decade (bar the Holden-slide in 2020/21).

Anyway, whilst this is a good discussion, I am conscious I have somewhat hijacked an otherwise excellent thread with some well-trodden ground, so whilst I know I brought it up, I think we should leave this here and let thread return to it's much more important origins.

[Porto Red]

It's taken me a while to gather myself and to be able to come back and read this thread again. And I'm, not exactly overwhelmed, but more, so appreciative of all the comments and kindness and honesty that's been shown by all of you. What a wonderful community, and resource. To every single one who took the time to react, reply, reach out or even just read sympathetically, I LOVE YOU. And, I'm doing a lot better right now, thanks in no small part to you.

Many took the time to message me personally and I will reply to all. There are a couple of posts here which I feel the need to reply to individually too, so I'll get round to those shortly, although my initial thought to reply to each comment very quickly became unviable! 

My problems are twofold, firstly in that I live a very isolated existence and can't really do anything to change that fact, and secondly in that my drinking which was originally a useful tool to combat feelings of loneliness has got out of control and nowadays provokes the issue more than deflects it. However, I live in a big house by myself in rural Portugal with mountain views and am just over an hour from Porto, so I would very much like to extend a warm offer to anyone who fancies free accommodation to pop over for a cheap getaway from it all, anytime. Genuine offer, and would actually help me somewhat! 

PS I absolutely love how even this thread has now degenerated into xG and spreadsheets

[Porto Red]

17 minutes ago, Davefevs said:

Mods, you can remove my post / reply to Mozo.  Wasn’t aware I was on this thread.

@phantom

ta

Let it stay, what's an OTIB thread without a Dave Fevs spreadsheet? In fact if you could plot one for my wildly varying mental health that would be educational. 

[Antman]

3 hours ago, Porto Red said:

It's taken me a while to gather myself and to be able to come back and read this thread again. And I'm, not exactly overwhelmed, but more, so appreciative of all the comments and kindness and honesty that's been shown by all of you. What a wonderful community, and resource. To every single one who took the time to react, reply, reach out or even just read sympathetically, I LOVE YOU. And, I'm doing a lot better right now, thanks in no small part to you.

Many took the time to message me personally and I will reply to all. There are a couple of posts here which I feel the need to reply to individually too, so I'll get round to those shortly, although my initial thought to reply to each comment very quickly became unviable! 

My problems are twofold, firstly in that I live a very isolated existence and can't really do anything to change that fact, and secondly in that my drinking which was originally a useful tool to combat feelings of loneliness has got out of control and nowadays provokes the issue more than deflects it. However, I live in a big house by myself in rural Portugal with mountain views and am just over an hour from Porto, so I would very much like to extend a warm offer to anyone who fancies free accommodation to pop over for a cheap getaway from it all, anytime. Genuine offer, and would actually help me somewhat! 

PS I absolutely love how even this thread has now degenerated into xG and spreadsheets

a boat down the duoro - sunny day - thats a thing.

[Porto Red]

1 minute ago, Antman said:

a boat down the duoro - sunny day - thats a thing.

It certainly is. Porto is practically my favourite place on Earth. Lived there for 2 years. I sometimes even catch a cheap bus up on my days off just to stroll across the bridge and drink a super in the sun 

[BS3City]

31 minutes ago, Porto Red said:

It certainly is. Porto is practically my favourite place on Earth. Lived there for 2 years. I sometimes even catch a cheap bus up on my days off just to stroll across the bridge and drink a super in the sun 

Went there for a long weekend a few years ago. Thought it was a lovely vibe down by the river, looking forward to going again. 

Hope all is better PR.

[mozo]

40 minutes ago, Porto Red said:

It certainly is. Porto is practically my favourite place on Earth. Lived there for 2 years. I sometimes even catch a cheap bus up on my days off just to stroll across the bridge and drink a super in the sun 

I've literally just in the last week found a bit of the local landscape that I just think is beautiful, and decided that I'm going to go there as frequently as I can for a brief walk, just to take it in and take edge of a heavy workday. I've been four days this week and it feels great.

[42nite]

12 hours ago, Davefevs said:

I know it sounds stupid but for a couple of hours after each game I do feel the result has a bearing on my mood.  Last Saturday was great for example.

Yes, I agree.

A mildly amusing memory of mine goes back to when my son and daughter were in their early years...and sex education was on the agenda at school.  I arrived home from work and found them sniggering in the garden.  I wondered what was going on when out of the blue my giggling younger daughter said... "Dad, do you have sex with mum?" 

I was shocked for a second but regained my composure enough to reply... "Only when City win!"

Probably not the best PC answer to give them... but there wasn't a Parents Correct Answer course to help me with that one!

And at that time was probably the correct reason we only had two children!

[southside]

13 hours ago, Davefevs said:

I know it sounds stupid but for a couple of hours after each game I do feel the result has a bearing on my mood.  Last Saturday was great for example.

It's the difference between a shit weekend and a great one

[stortfordred]

12 hours ago, cotswoldred2 said:

It gets to me just too much I am afraid...can't watch it live on the feeds or even commentary...I go through a routine of taking quick score updates going for walks , watching old films and worrying. I actually enjoy the summer breaks and International weeks when City don't play. This is a result of many years of supporting an underachieving outfit...the elation when we win is crazy as is the despair in a loss. 

I need counselling I admit, but I know there is no  known cure I am afraid I have to put the blame firmly on my parents who were City and being born and living in the better part of Bristol in my informative years.

How I envy those that watch City at the Gate who treat it as if it was a no more than a trip to the Cinema...for me it's as if my life depended on it.

This is basically me. I know that tomorrow I will stand at the back of the Dolman thinking ‘Why the hell am I putting myself through this?’ But even after ten minutes if we’re one nil up I will be wishing for the end even tho I love watching football. 
sometimes I prefer going to other grounds because I can enjoy the football for football’s sake. 
I am however safer emotionally at the gate than ‘watching’ on BBC.co.uk or radio5live because some fukin stupid thoughts make me feel I can influence the outcome. 
 

I’ve never been able to watch City on the telly. Explain that one !!!