Redcliffe 78 Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 Young bloke pulls an older woman at a night club. She`s 61 but looks good for her age. On the way back to her house he thinks to himself mmmm I bet her daughter is hot. When out of the blue she asks him if he would like a sportsmans double. Whats that? he asks, Its a mother and daughter 3 some she says. Wow yes please he says. So as they go thro` front door, she puts hall light on and shouts....... Mum are you still awake!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolman Block B Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 Just booked a table for the Mrs and me for Valentine,s night! She aint going to be too happy mind you!!!! She f ooking hates Snooker............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolman Block B Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 Im not so sure Andy Gray and Richard Keys got things wrong if im honest.................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slartibartfast Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 You've lost me Like a clown? You think I'm a F"""" clown? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InCider Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 You've lost me I think he's referring to Goodfellas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 I think he's referring to Goodfellas. Hmm, they do nice Pizzas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudolf Hucker Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 A golfer is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn on the famous golf course at St Andrews. Suddenly, a groundskeeper shouts: 'Dinnae drink tha waater! Et's foo ae coo's shite an pish!' The golfer replies: 'Excuse me, my good fellow, I'm from England. Could you repeat that for me, in English, please!?' The groundskeeper replies: 'I said, use two hands - you'll spill less that way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portland Bill Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Just put some Viagra eye drops in, makes me look hard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 When this thread was posted the idea was to cheer us up a bit & bring a few smiles back onto our faces (I think its done that..- thanks all) I really didnt expect Bristol Rovers to contribute so enthusiastically though - special thanks to them .... so lets hear it for thr Gas!! Walsall 6 - 1 Bristol Rovers Walsall thrash Bristol Rovers to move off the bottom of the League One table. (ps Bigtones normal service has resumed on his usual thread... in General Chat ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I can't believe those scousers burning their Torres Liverpool shirts. What are they going to wear in court tomorrow? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glynriley Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Isn't it strange how hot sexy women always drive cute little cars? Which reminds me , the MOT's due on the wifes Transit ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolman Block B Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Ive just been knocked over by a rental van.... ****ing Hertz !!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolman Block B Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Saw a Rovers fans with "Three Lions" on his chest earlier!!! Cant beat a good Safari Park can you!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glynriley Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Did you hear about the overweight , alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was eat , drink and be Mary ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 I was about to cook my favourite fish when wifey turned up with parsley and cod. I thought,This isn't the thyme or the plaice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 I told wifey that she had drawn her eyebrows on far to high. She looked really surprised! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glynriley Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought 'This could be interesting' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abraham Romanovich Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 I need some advice !, been offered 8 legs of venison for £40. Is that two deer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GJS_Cider_Army Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 My dad walked in on me while smoking a joint in one hand, and fapping to porn in the other... How the **** did he open the door? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GJS_Cider_Army Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Last night, I punched my wife right in the mouth as I was angry at my sub-standard cold dinner.On reflection, I may have over-reacted.We were in a restaurant at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GJS_Cider_Army Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."But she did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GJS_Cider_Army Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 I was vacuuming the other day when I tripped on the cord and landed on the nozzle, which violently entered my anus. I was highly embarrassed and spent half an hour in the hospital waiting room desperately trying to convince everyone that I had actually been ****ing myself with the hoover and that my wife does all the cleaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glynriley Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Got arrested for domestic violence last night. The copper asked me "Why do you keep beating your wife"? I replied "Because I have a weight advantage and a longer reach" !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolman Block B Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Old wise Chinese man, he say, "Oral sex make your day but anal sex make hole weak" !!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanatopia Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Blimey there are some cracking laughs on the this thread, gonna have to try and find something funny to post. in the meantime well done to one and all especially Whistle Happy for starting it.. be good to keep this thread right up there long term especially since there may be trouble ahead. Brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Rumours that after a recent match the Bristol Rovers squad were seen successfully seducing young women in a Kingswood nightclub with one-liners have been completely refuted by their manager. . He states: "I find it totally preposterous to suggest that any of our players could make a successful pass to, or at anyone." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GJS_Cider_Army Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 A mate said, "My son has been in a wheelchair since he was born".I said, "That must have hurt like **** for your wife". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eskay Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 My wife will but anything. Just this afternoon I came home to find a naked man in her wardrobe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GJS_Cider_Army Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Katie Price and Alex Read to divorce.Is Harvey the only one that did not see that coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 I was round my mates place the other day and he has a beautiful Persian cat, it is so svelte and so tactile. He said "Would you like a stroke?" I said No thanks, my uncle had one and speaks out the one side of his mouth now." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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