Never feel alone, It's good to talk !!

[phantom]

[Rich]

 

Better Tomorrow.

 

2020, normally eyes and your vision, not covid, death and division.

 

This nasty old virus is trying to condemn us, to stagnation and deprivation.

 

The virus won't beat us, Sir Tom Moore and science are with us.

 

Our doctors and nurses are armed with their vaccines, to scratch us and save us.

 

 

They've now got the tools, the people aren't fools, we'll soon have a chance to party and dance.

 

Old Covid is fighting but not quite as frightening, it changes to fool us but we can survive this.

 

 

Keep forcing it back with care and creation, we'll soon be the winners, let's unite the nation.

 

So when you feel down, get rid of that frown, it won't be too long to go into in town.

 

Get rid of that sorrow, it'll be better tomorrow, I know, Sir Tom said so.

[phantom]

I appreciate not everyone likes musical theatre, but along with the introduction from James Corden these lyrics are very powerful, especially at the moment 

 

[PhilC]

Possibly one of the greatest ever threads on OTIB. I have read it, but not yet contributed. Why now? Well I don't know,  but that doesn't matter.

 

I have been really down for several months for numerous reasons. Sometimes coming to OTIB helps... sometimes it doesn't. But this thread reminds me that there are some really wonderful people in the world. I have had ups and downs and left and rights over the last 6 months. I have seen myself get very close to ending up in some extremely dark places, and at points questioning life. What is life? How valuable is life? Is life worth living? It was scary, very scary.

 

The most important thing I have done in my life is reach out to family, and friends, and to tell them how I'm feeling. Even last night I messaged a friend at 9pm to say "Not so good, just needed to get in touch with someone". We were then on the phone for almost an hour, and I felt better afterwards. 

 

I was scared of getting professional help. It made me feel weak. A failure. Someone who couldn't live a life. All this even though I have had counselling before. You feel embarrassed (Even though you don't need to tell anyone you still do).

 

I did it. I picked up the phone in and I made that call. I want help. I need help. Am I better? No not yet, it can be a long road, but I am beginning to see things in a different light. I am now at a stage where I can fight those dark thoughts rather than absorb them and end up falling in to a bigger, deeper, darker hole.

 

Hesitant about reaching out to others? Unsure if you should get professional help? Do you feel sad or embarrassed that you have got to this place? Don't be. It's human nature to help other humans. Someone will be there for you....

 

Always.

[phantom]

[bpexile]

On 25/01/2021 at 00:21, BigTone said:

Thanks to you all for your kind words regarding my situation & especially those who took time to PM me.

Sadly Mum lost her battle this morning and is now at peace. I managed to speak with her on Friday for about 5 mins which was nice.

Whilst obviously upset I am also pleased that she is no longer suffering.

Now having a glass of Champagne in her memory.

Hi Big Tone, I've only just picked up on this sad news mate, so sorry for your loss. My situation was similar to yours in that it happened in another country that was impossible to get to because of covid, as many have said the memories can never be taken away mate.

Our thoughts are with you so Stay Strong & Stay Safe Tone.

[BigTone]

15 minutes ago, bpexile said:

Hi Big Tone, I've only just picked up on this sad news mate, so sorry for your loss. My situation was similar to yours in that it happened in another country that was impossible to get to because of covid, as many have said the memories can never be taken away mate.

Our thoughts are with you so Stay Strong & Stay Safe Tone.

Am totally at peace now as she is no longer suffering. Still get upset but that's normal. Problem now is my 96yo Dad who's life has been upended. Gone to live with my Sister in Seaford near Noarlunga but not sure he has the will to continue much longer. Mums ashes and death cert arrived on Friday and all he wanted to do was buy her a red rose for Valentine's day like he has each time for 72 years. Shed a tear I must admit.

Edited February 14, 2021 by BigTone

[bpexile]

2 minutes ago, BigTone said:

Am totally at peace now as she is no longer suffering. Still get upset but that's normal. Problem now is my 96yo Dad who's life has been upended. Gone to live with my Sister in Seaford near Norlunga but not sure he has the will to continue much longer. Mums ashes and death cert arrived on Friday and all he wanted to do was buy her a red rose for Valentine's day like he has each time for 72 years. Shed a tear I must admit.

Wow Tone, big lump in my throat now, my mum used to say that the pain is only with the people that remain, so true. Also my dear old Grandad used to tell me that "Someone only dies when there's no-one left to remember them". When I was younger I often used to think about that one of Grandads but at my age I know exactly what he meant.

As always stay safe mate.

[Sheltons Army]

On 14/02/2021 at 20:50, BigTone said:

Am totally at peace now as she is no longer suffering. Still get upset but that's normal. Problem now is my 96yo Dad who's life has been upended. Gone to live with my Sister in Seaford near Noarlunga but not sure he has the will to continue much longer. Mums ashes and death cert arrived on Friday and all he wanted to do was buy her a red rose for Valentine's day like he has each time for 72 years. Shed a tear I must admit.

Thoughts with you Tone

The pain doesn’t stop - Feel for you and your sister and you’re poor Dad so much

Doesnt matter how physically strong you are - it hurts like nothing else

The best saying I heard was

’Everyday is a bad day to start , then you have the odd better day , and gradually you start to have more better days than bad ones ‘

Thoughts mate 

[BigTone]

On 15/02/2021 at 21:59, Sheltons Army said:

Thoughts with you Tone

The pain doesn’t stop - Feel for you and your sister and you’re poor Dad so much

Doesnt matter how physically strong you are - it hurts like nothing else

The best saying I heard was

’Everyday is a bad day to start , then you have the odd better day , and gradually you start to have more better days than bad ones ‘

Thoughts mate 

 

[BigTone]

4 minutes ago, BigTone said:

 

I am sorting out her UK pension etc. Her death cert arrived today and made me think that 91 years of life gets summarized onto an A4 piece of paper. Made me sad I must admit.

Edited February 16, 2021 by BigTone

[Tyna]

14 hours ago, BigTone said:

I am sorting out her UK pension etc. Her death cert arrived today and made me think that 91 years of life gets summarized onto an A4 piece of paper. Made me sad I must admit.

My thoughts are with you Tone, it is so hard on the ones left behind. Take care.

[Red7]

15 hours ago, BigTone said:

I am sorting out her UK pension etc. Her death cert arrived today and made me think that 91 years of life gets summarized onto an A4 piece of paper. Made me sad I must admit.

It's a horrible thing to go through.
Deepest sympathy to you @BigTone.
Stay strong, fella.

[BigTone]

6 minutes ago, Red7 said:

It's a horrible thing to go through.
Deepest sympathy to you @BigTone.
Stay strong, fella.

Got worse today. Wife had to go back to the surgeon today following her operation a few weeks back and she apparently has cancer. Now needs more surgery and radiation therapy. What a feckin year !!!

[Tyna]

3 hours ago, BigTone said:

Got worse today. Wife had to go back to the surgeon today following her operation a few weeks back and she apparently has cancer. Now needs more surgery and radiation therapy. What a feckin year !!!

We've got your back with this one Tone. Anytime you need to talk your OTIB friends will be here.

[Dollymarie]

On 17/02/2021 at 13:46, BigTone said:

Got worse today. Wife had to go back to the surgeon today following her operation a few weeks back and she apparently has cancer. Now needs more surgery and radiation therapy. What a feckin year !!!

Oh FFS Tone. Hope she can get treated soon and it works. Big hugs x

[Red7]

3 hours ago, Dollymarie said:

Oh FFS Tone. Hope she can get treated soon and it works. Big hugs x

Yes, all the very best to your wife and you, @BigTone.
Hope you can get through this. Thoughts are with you both.

[RumRed]

Thoughts with you @BigTone. Lost one of my mates a week ago to Covid. Found it rough whilst rattling around a small flat and trying to keep up with home working. Let’s hope vaccinations will set us free again. I want nothing more than to be sat on my friends Veranda in Turkey, 30 degree heat with a beer in hand.

[The Batman]

By sheer coincidence, yesterday was the first day back on here for me. I stopped coming on here the day that this topic started.

Gave myself a break from a few things, one of them being this forum. 

Thankfully I have very supportive friends and family and my company are shit hot on mental health and well being policies, they've been extremely good. 

Just want to get back to my office, even if it is just for 2 days a week to begin with. 

On a side note, because of my epilepsy and my ptsd, I've had my first covid vaccine which surprised me but they said I was entitled so I took it. 

[Slacker]

Hope tonights announcement has given you a bit of a lift mate.

[The Batman]

1 minute ago, Slacker said:

Hope tonights announcement has given you a bit of a lift mate.

Not half. Should have come back to otib sooner. 

[Slacker]

You really shouldn't have!It has been absolutely dreadful on here prior to the excitement of Nigel arriving. I reckon you were well off out of it.Welcome back though.

[BigTone]

17 hours ago, The Batman said:

By sheer coincidence, yesterday was the first day back on here for me. I stopped coming on here the day that this topic started.

Gave myself a break from a few things, one of them being this forum. 

Thankfully I have very supportive friends and family and my company are shit hot on mental health and well being policies, they've been extremely good. 

Just want to get back to my office, even if it is just for 2 days a week to begin with. 

On a side note, because of my epilepsy and my ptsd, I've had my first covid vaccine which surprised me but they said I was entitled so I took it. 

Well done with the vaccine. It's good that you have a supportive circle of family & friends also.

Welcome back.

[cidercityred]

I am a counsellor, a mans man that happens to have a passion for well-being particularly amongst men. (Not excluding women)

my website is www.brighter-pathways.co.uk

If you would like counselling support from a fellow Bristolian and bristol city supporter get in touch.

[Guest]

On 17/02/2021 at 13:46, BigTone said:

Got worse today. Wife had to go back to the surgeon today following her operation a few weeks back and she apparently has cancer. Now needs more surgery and radiation therapy. What a feckin year !!!

Having had a cancerous bowel tumor removed just over a year ago myself I hope this has been caught soon enough, where ever it is. Didnt have radaition after but have had countless mri and CT scans, all been clear so far, no spread and worked most days since.

Evil thing cancer can stirike anyone anytime, really hope it all goes well for your wife....stay strong.

Lost my mum to dementia and covid earlier this year as well 96yrs sadly died alone lots of other stuff including my wife losing sight in one eye.

No-one knows what anyone is going through, all we can do is keep calm and carry on.

One day at a time....and hope for better things to come.

[phantom]

EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide.

It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society - from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.

It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.

And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.

Yet it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice.

If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:

• CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
• HeadsTogether, www.headstogether.org.uk
• Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
• Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
• Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123

[Isawjonshaw]

anyone suffer with epilepsy?

asking for a freind....

[In the Net]

I watched the Roman Kemp documentary, "Our Silent Emergency", on BBC One last night, focusing on the high number of young men who commit suicide.  Heartbreaking to hear from those who had lost a dear friend or loved one.  I thought that it was a brave choice of topic, as suicide is still very much a taboo subject in ordinary conversation.

It's available on i-Player if anybody is interested.

[reddoh]

On 17/03/2021 at 18:13, In the Net said:

I watched the Roman Kemp documentary, "Our Silent Emergency", on BBC One last night, focusing on the high number of young men who commit suicide.  Heartbreaking to hear from those who had lost a dear friend or loved one.  I thought that it was a brave choice of topic, as suicide is still very much a taboo subject in ordinary conversation.

It's available on i-Player if anybody is interested.

all the best and and good wishes to you and all your fans. 

MHI is a fascinating problem. suicide means the person feels there is no where else to go 

when I was a little  lad I had a paper round and could do it in 18 minutes most days took 3 to 4 hours, I drank enough tea to sink a battleship and chatted to loads of old people and had great tips at Christmas.

Does that make me a good or bad person? 

[The Batman]

Good morning all. 

Why am I on a football forum at just after 5am? Well I've not been able to sleep. 

Yesterday i found out by accident that my (ex) wife has actually been in a relationship with her colleague since we separated. Despite me saying how much I wanted to work at things. She was certain that she wanted to be in her own, be independent and had no interest in anyone. Well that was a load of BS. The entire time she was lying to me. On top of my existing ptsd. It's just knocked me royally. I spent all our years together sacrificing and doing everything she ever dreamed of. And yet here we are. 

My mother in law said that she thought I knew ages ago because its been going on for a while. Yet her sister didn't even know. 

I'm not one of those guys that can just turn feelings off for someone at the flick of a switch. Probably just need some reassurance that I'm better off long out of there. 

But here's a spanner in the works. Back in January, I noticed a large bruise on her leg and she said that mummy's friend hit her (same guy). I raised it with mummy and she just brushed it off that they were playing with a few of her other coworkers who went round for dinner. 

If my daughter wasn't in the frame it would be a damn site easier, but how do I manage my concerns without just coming across as a jealous ex? 

[Nogbad the Bad]

5 hours ago, The Batman said:

 

Back in January, I noticed a large bruise on her leg and she said that mummy's friend hit her (same guy). I raised it with mummy and she just brushed it off that they were playing with a few of her other coworkers who went round for dinner. 

If my daughter wasn't in the frame it would be a damn site easier, but how do I manage my concerns without just coming across as a jealous ex? 

You seem to be on reasonable speaking terms with your mother in law.

If I were you I'd tell her exactly what your daughter said (if you haven't already) and that you are worried that if it was the case she'd been hit, it may be repeated. Ask her if she's seen anything of concern and to keep a particularly close eye on her granddaughter, and the household, to do all she can to ensure it is a safe environment for her.

The well-being of her granddaughter should be a far higher priority for her than her daughter's relationship.

Good luck whatever you decide; I hope things will improve for you soon. 

 

[The Batman]

1 hour ago, Nogbad the Bad said:

You seem to be on reasonable speaking terms with your mother in law.

If I were you I'd tell her exactly what your daughter said (if you haven't already) and that you are worried that if it was the case she'd been hit, it may be repeated. Ask her if she's seen anything of concern and to keep a particularly close eye on her granddaughter, and the household, to do all she can to ensure it is a safe environment for her.

The well-being of her granddaughter should be a far higher priority for her than her daughter's relationship.

Good luck whatever you decide; I hope things will improve for you soon. 

 

I did. She brushed it off too saying they were just playing dinosaurs, which mirrors what mummy said. 

[In the Net]

16 hours ago, The Batman said:

Good morning all. 

Why am I on a football forum at just after 5am? Well I've not been able to sleep. 

Yesterday i found out by accident that my (ex) wife has actually been in a relationship with her colleague since we separated. Despite me saying how much I wanted to work at things. She was certain that she wanted to be in her own, be independent and had no interest in anyone. Well that was a load of BS. The entire time she was lying to me. On top of my existing ptsd. It's just knocked me royally. I spent all our years together sacrificing and doing everything she ever dreamed of. And yet here we are. 

My mother in law said that she thought I knew ages ago because its been going on for a while. Yet her sister didn't even know. 

I'm not one of those guys that can just turn feelings off for someone at the flick of a switch. Probably just need some reassurance that I'm better off long out of there. 

But here's a spanner in the works. Back in January, I noticed a large bruise on her leg and she said that mummy's friend hit her (same guy). I raised it with mummy and she just brushed it off that they were playing with a few of her other coworkers who went round for dinner. 

If my daughter wasn't in the frame it would be a damn site easier, but how do I manage my concerns without just coming across as a jealous ex? 

That's a horrible situation.  Unfortunately, by the time someone decides to leave a relationship, they've already checked out emotionally - often because they've got somebody else lined up, but very rarely admit it. (I've got the t-shirt).  Very tough for the one left behind, you've had all this come as a shock, plus the worry about your daughter.  Do you think your wife would lie about how the bruise came about?  I don't know your daughter's age, or if she could be coerced into covering up how it happened.  

It's early days, you must allow yourself to grieve for the relationship - you'll go through similar emotions as people do when adjusting to the passing of a loved one.  I didn't really go through the "anger" phase, which made it hard to let go.  Good advice from Nogbad re. talking to the mother-in-law, maybe sound out what she thinks.

Please don't let you mental health deteriorate, contact your GP if necessary.  You may well have already done talking therapies for the PTSD - it's something which I've found helpful in the past.

Good luck - each day is a tiny step forward to a new beginning. 

[The Batman]

Well after discussing things with my friends (one of whom is a solicitor) , I've just decided to start the ball rolling regarding petitioning the court for a divorce under the grounds of adultery. Even though we separated at the end of July, you can still divorce on adultery grounds if your partner gets involved with someone so soon after. 

She has no grounds to divorce me because she's always maintained that I am a perfect husband and father, but she just doesn't love me in that way anymore. Nothing valid there in the eyes of the law. 

Just gonna put the last 9 heartbreaking, gut wrenching months behind me ASAP. 

[phantom]

EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide.

It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society - from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.

It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.

And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.

Yet it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.

If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:

CALM,

www.thecalmzone.net

0800 585 858

‐------------------------

Heads Together

www.headstogether.org.uk

--------------------------

Mind

www.mind.org.uk

0300 123 3393

--------------------------

Papyrus

www.papyrus-uk.org

0800 068 41 41

---------------------------

Samaritans

www.samaritans.org

116 123

[TheCulturalBomb]

I wanted to make some sort of post on here, as today I lost my father.

 

Without him, I wouldn't be a robin.

The excitement you got when he got you the newest top ready for the new season.

Shielding me on those cold and rainy days at the gate.

Celebrating and cheering on the way home on the radio at the results of the other teams.

Simply chatting about and watching football on the telly.

And all the other things in between.

 

Thank you, and I'll love you always.

[BigTone]

Wife had her op yesterday. Surgeon says she is a lucky girl so hopefully managed to get all the cancer. Get final biopsy results tomorrow.

[Slacker]

1 hour ago, BigTone said:

Wife had her op yesterday. Surgeon says she is a lucky girl so hopefully managed to get all the cancer. Get final biopsy results tomorrow.

Fingers crossed for Mrs Tone.Hope tomorrow comes up trumps for you both?

[BigTone]

2 minutes ago, Slacker said:

Fingers crossed for Mrs Tone.Hope tomorrow comes up trumps for you both?

Cheers mate, its looking good TBH so fingers crossed.

[Slacker]

1 minute ago, BigTone said:

Cheers mate, its looking good TBH so fingers crossed.

Hopefully a joint All Clear and Gas relegation party for you.

[BigTone]

Just now, Slacker said:

Hopefully a joint All Clear and Gas relegation party for you.

Now that would be nice

[In the Net]

On 20/04/2021 at 23:21, TheCulturalBomb said:

I wanted to make some sort of post on here, as today I lost my father.

 

Without him, I wouldn't be a robin.

The excitement you got when he got you the newest top ready for the new season.

Shielding me on those cold and rainy days at the gate.

Celebrating and cheering on the way home on the radio at the results of the other teams.

Simply chatting about and watching football on the telly.

And all the other things in between.

 

Thank you, and I'll love you always.

Sincere condolences on your loss.  My late Father introduced me to football, and it creates a very special bond, sharing the excitement, disappointment, ups and downs.  Glad that you have so many happy memories to look back on and treasure in the future. 

16 hours ago, BigTone said:

Wife had her op yesterday. Surgeon says she is a lucky girl so hopefully managed to get all the cancer. Get final biopsy results tomorrow.

Holding positive thoughts for Mrs BT. x 

[Guest]

Had the "all clear" 18mths ago now, still have had to have; 4monthly MRI scans, rectal ultra sound scans, blood tests and the dredded endoscopy. The consultant wanted to either; cut half me bowels out "just to be sure"  after my op or do the 4mth observations ....chose the observations.

Still all good atm next obs coming up in a few weeks, hoping to move to 6mths obs if all ok still.

Hopefully dodged the bullet and can "semi-retire" ....again soon.

 

[The Batman]

On 07/04/2021 at 15:05, The Batman said:

Well after discussing things with my friends (one of whom is a solicitor) , I've just decided to start the ball rolling regarding petitioning the court for a divorce under the grounds of adultery. Even though we separated at the end of July, you can still divorce on adultery grounds if your partner gets involved with someone so soon after. 

She has no grounds to divorce me because she's always maintained that I am a perfect husband and father, but she just doesn't love me in that way anymore. Nothing valid there in the eyes of the law. 

Just gonna put the last 9 heartbreaking, gut wrenching months behind me ASAP. 

Update. 

Yesterday was an all round good day. 

Rovers relegated and then Swindon relegated. 

Between their games, I received an email from the courts advising that my divorce petition has been accepted so the ball has started rolling now. 

Had a Thatchers Gold last night to celebrate. First cider I've had in a very long time. Tried to stay off the alcohol but felt it was worth it last night. 

[phantom]

[phantom]

[KevP]

On 12/05/2021 at 23:18, phantom said:

Saw your post last night which you've since taken down. Hope you're feeling better now after your date and hope your mate is ok. Were all in this together pal and look out for each other....Things always seem worse in the dark of night I find.....The daylight brings a little more hope usually. .COYR.

[BigTone]

Some good news to report for once. Wife (aka BigBitch) saw Specialist yesterday and they managed to remove all of the cancer. No further treatment required. Happy days

Edited May 20, 2021 by BigTone

[phantom]

21 hours ago, BigTone said:

Some good news to report for once. Wife (aka BigBitch) saw Specialist yesterday and they managed to remove all of the cancer. No further treatment required. Happy days

Great news @BigTonex

[Slacker]

On 20/05/2021 at 12:43, BigTone said:

Some good news to report for once. Wife (aka BigBitch) saw Specialist yesterday and they managed to remove all of the cancer. No further treatment required. Happy days

Great news Tone.Give a cuddle from me.

[The Batman]

On 25/04/2021 at 12:23, The Batman said:

Update. 

Yesterday was an all round good day. 

Rovers relegated and then Swindon relegated. 

Between their games, I received an email from the courts advising that my divorce petition has been accepted so the ball has started rolling now. 

Had a Thatchers Gold last night to celebrate. First cider I've had in a very long time. Tried to stay off the alcohol but felt it was worth it last night. 

Further update. 

Now getting to the crux of the matter now. 

She's said all along that she's not interested in any of my money or assets because they're mine. We're at the point where we have to declare our income, savings, pensions etc. Now we will know if it's just another load of BS lies she's told or whether she's stuck to her guns. 

Also, she doesn't have many friends, 2 of them have broken rank and spoken to me saying how they don't believe a word of what she said to them and how disgusted they are with her. So it's not just my family, friends, circle of people etc, those on her side are too. Her sister saw through her the moment it all came out as well. I imagine her mum and dad are pissed off to but can't admit it out loud because they have to support their daughter. 

Honestly, it's like the woman I fell in love with, married, mothered our child, and devoted and sacrificed so much time, effort and resource to, just doesn't exist any more. Some phoenix has risen who just resembles her a tad. 

I'm on sleeping medication now. I tried so hard to stay off it and just get to sleep naturally but nothing was working and I didn't have a good night's sleep for 6 weeks. Been on it 3 nights now and I've slept through each night thankfully. My worry is that I'll believe that I'll need it every night going forward so I just need to wean off it slowly but surely. 

[MrBibs]

@Batman The good news is you’re getting divorce proceedings moving. Like you say you’ll soon know either way whether she’s BSing about not being interested in assets/money etc. Either way you’ll be free to move on with your life once financial ties are broken. It will be one less worry in the back of your mind.

I can relate to bad sleep problems. I’ve tried the herbal sleeping tablets a few times for short periods and they certainly help. I share your concerns about coming to rely on them.
 

Sounds like you’re on the right track now, although of course  tends to be ups and downs along the way. Keep going. 

 

[The Batman]

8 hours ago, MrBibs said:

@Batman The good news is you’re getting divorce proceedings moving. Like you say you’ll soon know either way whether she’s BSing about not being interested in assets/money etc. Either way you’ll be free to move on with your life once financial ties are broken. It will be one less worry in the back of your mind.

I can relate to bad sleep problems. I’ve tried the herbal sleeping tablets a few times for short periods and they certainly help. I share your concerns about coming to rely on them.
 

Sounds like you’re on the right track now, although of course  tends to be ups and downs along the way. Keep going. 

 

Cheers Mr B. 

I'm honestly dreading hearing back as to what she plans to do. It is so sad because when we were together, she could stand in the middle of trafalgar Square and yell "the sky is made of ice cream and jelly" and I've have stood by her. Now I'm hugely skeptical of everything she says so once it is in writing and she's signed the documentation, then it'll be a huge relief. I know she'll come after it because she is a lying failure, but it'll be such a huge satisfying feeling if she doesn't. I don't mind being wrong on this.

[In the Net]

@Batman - hopefully the sleeping tablets will gradually regulate your body into normal sleeping habits again.  Don't add to your stress at the moment by worrying about how long you will need them for.

It's amazing how a much loved spouse/partner can change in such a short space of time.  I experienced the same with my ex, I've since found out that he lied on the financial declaration when we divorced, as he was actually buying the property he lived in, which he said was rented.  We'd lost our marital home when his business failed - I was stupid enough to sign it over to guarantee a business loan.  When he left we were living in a privately rented house, and I moved in with my parents, so that I could save a deposit to get back on the property ladder.  I never wanted my son to be homeless again - the ex tried to have his child support payments reduced, as my outgoings were reduced due to living with parents!  At the point of divorce, he'd built a considerable amount of equity in his new property, as he'd been in a position financially to buy when the property market bottomed out.

I would never have believed it possible that he could behave like this after 18 happy years together.  I try to get solace from the fact that everything I've achieved since has been done off my own back, and I have a fantastic relationship with my son, who appreciates the fact that I went without things in order to get us where we are today.

I hope that your wife sticks to what she has said, and the divorce can come to an amiable conclusion.  If she is using a solicitor, I fear that they may push her to get what she can - hope that I'm wrong on that one.

[Midred]

On 20/05/2021 at 12:43, BigTone said:

Some good news to report for once. Wife (aka BigBitch) saw Specialist yesterday and they managed to remove all of the cancer. No further treatment required. Happy days

I'd been thinking about you and how you and your wife were so was so pleased to read this.

[phantom]

On 14/05/2021 at 20:30, KevP said:

Saw your post last night which you've since taken down. Hope you're feeling better now after your date and hope your mate is ok. Were all in this together pal and look out for each other....Things always seem worse in the dark of night I find.....The daylight brings a little more hope usually. .COYR.

Apologies @KevP I had missed this reply. 

Thanks for the post

[BigTone]

2 hours ago, Midred said:

I'd been thinking about you and how you and your wife were so was so pleased to read this.

Thanks for that.  My turn now.  In hospital today to have scans etc.  Having my right knee replaced in September and then my left knee next March (2022). I really cannot wait to get it done. To celebrate we have tentatively booked a world cruise for Jan 2023.  Something to work towards and look forward to.

[reddoh]

1 hour ago, BigTone said:

Thanks for that.  My turn now.  In hospital today to have scans etc.  Having my right knee replaced in September and then my left knee next March (2022). I really cannot wait to get it done. To celebrate we have tentatively booked a world cruise for Jan 2023.  Something to work towards and look forward to.

Don't come on holiday with Me, my brother in Law had his done and he came on holiday with us we marched him up hill and down again (small hills but not if you've had you knees done) 

[The Batman]

On 26/05/2021 at 17:26, In the Net said:

@Batman - hopefully the sleeping tablets will gradually regulate your body into normal sleeping habits again.  Don't add to your stress at the moment by worrying about how long you will need them for.

It's amazing how a much loved spouse/partner can change in such a short space of time.  I experienced the same with my ex, I've since found out that he lied on the financial declaration when we divorced, as he was actually buying the property he lived in, which he said was rented.  We'd lost our marital home when his business failed - I was stupid enough to sign it over to guarantee a business loan.  When he left we were living in a privately rented house, and I moved in with my parents, so that I could save a deposit to get back on the property ladder.  I never wanted my son to be homeless again - the ex tried to have his child support payments reduced, as my outgoings were reduced due to living with parents!  At the point of divorce, he'd built a considerable amount of equity in his new property, as he'd been in a position financially to buy when the property market bottomed out.

I would never have believed it possible that he could behave like this after 18 happy years together.  I try to get solace from the fact that everything I've achieved since has been done off my own back, and I have a fantastic relationship with my son, who appreciates the fact that I went without things in order to get us where we are today.

I hope that your wife sticks to what she has said, and the divorce can come to an amiable conclusion.  If she is using a solicitor, I fear that they may push her to get what she can - hope that I'm wrong on that one.

Sorry for the delayed response, I've only just seen this. People keep tagging the wrong batman

Since my last post, she has signed the necessary documentation and sent it back to the solicitor dealing with the order. She didn't show a solicitor in the end. Probably because, as you say, they'd tell her she'd be entitled to xyz. So that's something at least. 

I've not taken any sleeping medication for a few nights now and bar waking up at 3 this morning, I did get back to sleep pretty quickly so I am hoping I won't be needing them any longer. 

I am sorry to have read of your situation too. Its so worrying how we can trust someone like that and then they be so deceitful. And well done for all that you have achieved since. Your son is very proud I am sure. 

[In the Net]

7 hours ago, The Batman said:

Sorry for the delayed response, I've only just seen this. People keep tagging the wrong batman

Since my last post, she has signed the necessary documentation and sent it back to the solicitor dealing with the order. She didn't show a solicitor in the end. Probably because, as you say, they'd tell her she'd be entitled to xyz. So that's something at least. 

I've not taken any sleeping medication for a few nights now and bar waking up at 3 this morning, I did get back to sleep pretty quickly so I am hoping I won't be needing them any longer. 

I am sorry to have read of your situation too. Its so worrying how we can trust someone like that and then they be so deceitful. And well done for all that you have achieved since. Your son is very proud I am sure. 

Great to hear positive news on the signing of the papers and an improvement in sleeping  - onwards and upwards, even if it may be small steps at a time. 

[KevP]

19 hours ago, The Batman said:

Sorry for the delayed response, I've only just seen this. People keep tagging the wrong batman

Since my last post, she has signed the necessary documentation and sent it back to the solicitor dealing with the order. She didn't show a solicitor in the end. Probably because, as you say, they'd tell her she'd be entitled to xyz. So that's something at least. 

I've not taken any sleeping medication for a few nights now and bar waking up at 3 this morning, I did get back to sleep pretty quickly so I am hoping I won't be needing them any longer. 

I am sorry to have read of your situation too. Its so worrying how we can trust someone like that and then they be so deceitful. And well done for all that you have achieved since. Your son is very proud I am sure. 

Your sleep pattern should slowly get back to normal...if you wake at 3 so be it......the more you think about it the more it will keep you awake. I often wake at 2 or 3 and just think "oh well, I'm awake, so what ?"...... to then slip back to sleep for a few more hours. The times I've had a quick look on this forum early hours, you'd be surprised how many people are online at that time so we aren't alone... 

[The Batman]

1 hour ago, KevP said:

Your sleep pattern should slowly get back to normal...if you wake at 3 so be it......the more you think about it the more it will keep you awake. I often wake at 2 or 3 and just think "oh well, I'm awake, so what ?"...... to then slip back to sleep for a few more hours. The times I've had a quick look on this forum early hours, you'd be surprised how many people are online at that time so we aren't alone... 

That's true. I always thought it was more shift workers but suppose it could well be that and I've just assumed. 

I made a decision never to look at my phone in the event I stay on it for ages. 

[Robbored]

1 hour ago, KevP said:

Your sleep pattern should slowly get back to normal...if you wake at 3 so be it......the more you think about it the more it will keep you awake. I often wake at 2 or 3 and just think "oh well, I'm awake, so what ?"...... to then slip back to sleep for a few more hours. The times I've had a quick look on this forum early hours, you'd be surprised how many people are online at that time so we aren't alone... 

Absolutely right Kev. 

Most of us have had sleep difficulties at some stage in our lives and the more you worry the worse it becomes. It’s an issue I’ve had on and off all my adult life and these days if I wake in the early hours I just think “oh well”get up, empty my bladder and back to bed and sleep. We do actually need less sleep as we age and it’s quite normal  to wake during the night - I can’t remember the last time I slept all night.

 

 

 

[BigTone]

8 hours ago, Robbored said:

Absolutely right Kev. 

Most of us have had sleep difficulties at some stage in our lives and the more you worry the worse it becomes. It’s an issue I’ve had on and off all my adult life and these days if I wake in the early hours I just think “oh well”get up, empty my bladder and back to bed and sleep. We do actually need less sleep as we age and it’s quite normal  to wake during the night - I can’t remember the last time I slept all night.

 

 

 

I normally wake circa 3am most nights for about an hour and then doze off again.  I also have Sleep Apnoea so need to use CPAP at night. As for emptying my bladder at night my mattress absorbs most so no great problem !!

[reddoh]

7 hours ago, BigTone said:

I normally wake circa 3am most nights for about an hour and then doze off again.  I also have Sleep Apnoea so need to use CPAP at night. As for emptying my bladder at night my mattress absorbs most so no great problem !!

I do 3 am for a pee then back to sleep sorry you have a bigger problem 

[Waffleflap]

As a person who struggles with my mental health on a daily basis, I have taken upon myself to get out more and go for walks etc. I have recently been hooked on watching wild camping videos on YouTube and it has inspired me to do the same. It really has lifted my spirits

This Friday I will be doing my first solo wild camp on dartmoor. Hopefully the peace and quiet and the lovely views will be great for the mind.  

Hope you're all good out there

[BigTone]

1 hour ago, Waffleflap said:

As a person who struggles with my mental health on a daily basis, I have taken upon myself to get out more and go for walks etc. I have recently been hooked on watching wild camping videos on YouTube and it has inspired me to do the same. It really has lifted my spirits

This Friday I will be doing my first solo wild camp on dartmoor. Hopefully the peace and quiet and the lovely views will be great for the mind.  

Hope you're all good out there

Hope you have a good time. Good luck.

[bpexile]

On 04/06/2021 at 00:24, BigTone said:

I normally wake circa 3am most nights for about an hour and then doze off again.  I also have Sleep Apnoea so need to use CPAP at night. As for emptying my bladder at night my mattress absorbs most so no great problem !!

Just make sure you sleep in the shallow end Tone, no probs then 

[Waffleflap]

1 hour ago, BigTone said:

Hope you have a good time. Good luck.

Cheers Tone. A bit apprehensive but excited at the same time. 

[Nogbad the Bad]

4 hours ago, Waffleflap said:

As a person who struggles with my mental health on a daily basis, I have taken upon myself to get out more and go for walks etc. I have recently been hooked on watching wild camping videos on YouTube and it has inspired me to do the same. It really has lifted my spirits

This Friday I will be doing my first solo wild camp on dartmoor. Hopefully the peace and quiet and the lovely views will be great for the mind.  

Hope you're all good out there

Weather on Dartmoor at the weekend looks really good.

Have a great time!