Ska Junkie

1 minute ago, Miah Dennehy said:

I don't care

 

Just as well you're shite then!

1 hour ago, BS15_RED said:

 

I knew that'd boil your piss mate! Hope you're feeling a bit better?

Getting there thanks pal. 

18 minutes ago, BS15_RED said:

Definitely Cadbury Heath, eh @Ska Junkie?

Cheeky fooker JP! 

Barrs Court if you must know.

I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a Bristol Rovers fan sneaking through my next door neighbours garden. Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then began to dig a grave with the shovel. Astonished I got back into bed and my wife said, "You're shaking, what is it?" "You'll never believe what I've just seen," I said. "That bastard next door still has my bloody shovel."

A City fan, a Rovers fan and a Swindon fan were all in Saudi Arabia,sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi National Holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It is my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Rovers fan was first in line (he had consumed the least), so he thought about it for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." 
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through it. The Rovers fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying when the punishment was done.
The Swindon fan was next up (he almost finished a half-keg), and after watching the scene, said: "Choice! Please fix two pillows on my back." 
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.
The City fan was the last one up (he had finished off the keg), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You have some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the City fan replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asked.
"Tie the Rovers fan to my back!

A warning to the little 17 year old cunx in FB09 VWF who were cruising around BS30 tonight looking for the odd gashead  to pick off shouting 'CSF'. There was a 40 year man behind said gashead who would happily educate you about the CSF as you have no idea what it is / was.

I'm no hoolie but you were an embarrassment!

Grow the **** up! You're a disgrace to my club.

One day, Paddy and Mick were walking through the Woods when they saw some Rabbit Shit.
Paddy said: "What's That"..??
"'They're Smart Pills," says Mick "Eat them and they'll make you smarter"..
So Paddy ate them and said: "Jeez. They taste like Shit"..
"See," says Mick,
"You're getting ******* smarter already."

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food.
The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"
The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it.
He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!"

Just now, CiderJar said:

Ar £16.50 it's pretty unique

He would know it was me CJ but it would be a good laugh if I did it. he would NOT be happy! 

Just now, CiderJar said:

Rovers have a new home ... sorry gnome

 

A mate down the road has got one of these. i'm trying to find a time to kidnap the bleedin' thing and take it on holiday then send the gashead a postcard of his gnome on a Bristol City beach towel.

32 minutes ago, Rudolf Hucker said:

Just an occasional, annoying popup poster (I'm not referring to you @FramptonRed )

1 hour ago, WRERE said:

Two more signings for them, one of which was sacked from Leicester for his role in a sex tape when they toured Thailand.

 

They can't possibly keep up this level of entertainment, can they? 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/33175820

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,
'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
'Have you really?" Said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" Gasped Mrs. Smith.
"In my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" Asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" Said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied, "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh .. . . .equipment?"
"It's true, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted.

17 minutes ago, Bristol Rob said:

We aren't plastic, we are franchise... apparently.

Don't you remember all those years we played in Bath because no one wanted us in Bristol?

Or the fact we want a new stadium outside of Bristol?

Hang on. That isn't us is it?

Don't forget the crap they gave us for having part of an entrance road in Somerset at the proposed Ashton Vale. 'You're leaving the City' and 'Somerset City F.C'. Funny how they've forgotten that and we were only having part of a road outside the boundaries! 

I know Kingswood Polak from years ago, he's a really good bloke. He' well known by most of us living in and around BS15. I haven't seen him for years but he was a decent fella and I see no reason why that would have changed. I understand he has a long standing health issue and I wish him well.

5 minutes ago, bend it like brian said:

and his belter of a dad

To be fair, the lad was ok, his pissed up dad was hilarious! 

The son does a blog as the 'Proper Bristolian' or 'BristolRoversFan' and I've asked him for his unbiased views on City which he's said he will do. I hope he gets his old man out of the pub before he does it! 

Go to 2:05. 

I'm glad we aren't resorting to 'much bigger than them' stuff as I reckon that holds us back.

During the 80's and 90's when we were in the same division, comparisons were obvious but we need to compare ourselves with different clubs to move forward. Yes, I enjoy it when they get beat and lapped it up when they dropped out of the league but being the 'biggest in Bristol' isn't going to get us where we want to get to.

I am totally indifferent to the sags nowadays as it's so long since we played them that it doesn't really register anymore, they're just a club that a few mates support and good for a wind up  but I do not want any comparison made from our part as, I think, that is part of our problem.

We take the piss, as do they, but we've moved on.

I liked this one...

Three couples are trying to get married at the same church. There is a young couple, a middle-aged couple, and an elderly couple. The three couples meet with the priest and discuss when they can get married.
"If you wish to get married in my church, you must all go one month without having sex," says the priest.
One month later the three couples return to the church and talk to the priest. He then asks the elderly couple, "Have you completed the month with sex?" "Yes we have, it was easy," replies the elderly couple.
"How about you?" He asks the middle-aged couple.
"It was hard, but we didn't have sex for the whole month," they respond.
"And how about you two?" He asks the young couple.
"No we couldn't do it," responds the boyfriend.
"Tell me why," says the priest.
"Well my girlfriend had a can of corn in her hand and she accidentally dropped it. She bent over to pick it up and that's when it happened.“
The priest then tells them, "You're not welcome in my church."
"We're not welcome in the Asda either," says the boyfriend.

It's career day in Ashton Vale Primary school where each student has to talk about their dad. Little Timmy is up last and the teacher calls him to the front of the class.
"My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar, he takes off his clothes for money and if they pay him enough, he will even do extra's" 
The teacher, shocked, pulls little Timmy outside and asks him if this is really true about his dad?!
Timmy says "No Miss but i was too embarrassed to say he played for Bristol Rovers"

1 hour ago, BS15_RED said:

http://gaschat.co.uk/thread/9693/overwhelming-demand-season-tickets?page=3

Sold a whopping 5,500 season tickets, they're coming for us!

I bet Gloucester City have sold more than that! 

Just now, Port Said Red said:

Competition for FGR's new ground then? Probably worried about their encroachment on the area.

Jealousy is not a good trait is it PSR?

What a ridiculous statement by Gloucester City. By all means aim for where FGR have reached but 'best in the West'?  Laughable statement.

1 hour ago, Wanderingred said:

Looks like we've got another mob coming for us!

http://www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/gloucester-city-target-football-league-143064

Gloucester City have made two major additions to their board of directors with the bold aim of becoming “the best club in the South West”.

 

I assume the stadium they are trying to deliver will be a big one (30K+) for the 'best club in the South West'?

No, it's 4,000.

Erm. 

Beyonce has just discovered that Roy Castle was really her father.
Can't see her taking his surname somehow....

No new jokes today but someone just shared this classic TV programme on FB. For those of us old enough to remember this, how funny was Al Bundy? For the young 'uns, this is classic!