BigTone Posted January 5, 2014 Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 I'm posting this from A & E in BordeauxThe Dyson Ball Vacuum IS NOT what it's name implies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 7, 2014 Report Share Posted January 7, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalkie Posted January 8, 2014 Report Share Posted January 8, 2014 Just read this on a business forum and thought it was worth a repeat - 5 men sitting in a bar: Wenger, Mourinho, Rodgers, Moyes and Martinez.....The first round of beers was on Mourinho, he bought a Portugese beer for each of the others.The second round was on Martinez, he bought everybody a San Miguel.The third round was on Wenger, he bought everybody a glass of red wine.The fourth round was on Rodgers, he bought a pint each for the guys, except for Moyes.Moyes says;" Hey guys, what about my pint?"Rodgers looked at him and said; Sorry David, this is the fourth round, and you are NOT in it.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Superjack Posted January 10, 2014 Report Share Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) I saw two kids in Gas shirts playing football with a hedgehog the other day. I was horrified. I was just about to call the RSPCA... ...but the hedgehog went 1-0 up. Edited January 10, 2014 by Superjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Superjack Posted January 12, 2014 Report Share Posted January 12, 2014 I hate Gok Wan! If he's so ******* good at making people look attractive, why is his name an anagram of 'Go ****'? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted January 12, 2014 Report Share Posted January 12, 2014 (edited) Edited January 12, 2014 by Aizoon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?So the sheep won't hear the zip! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted January 15, 2014 Report Share Posted January 15, 2014 I caught my wife drawing patterns in her probiotic drink. I've warned her before about dabbling in the Yakult Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 21, 2014 Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 Having watched Benefits street, it's not much different to Sesame Street. Both have a big bird, a bloke living out of a bin, and people trying to learn the alphabet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 21, 2014 Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 Well it's half way through January and I must admit I have not yet seen a Bulgarian. But in all fairness, I have only been in Bulgaria for a couple of weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 I hate it when you're sitting on the bus and the local weirdo gets on and sits next to you. You know the type. The ones that watch you masturbate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 My wife says she is divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas. But will she really leave me... ...Find out next week! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 As my wife lay on her deathbed, she whispered in my ear,"Death is not the end, you know."I think she was just trying to wind me up one last time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Who says women can't multi-task?My wife can drive and knock down a wall at the same time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 My mate texted me and said, "What you up to?"I said, "Just eating my tea. She's made corned beef ash."He said, "Hash is spelt with an H mate."I said, "It isn't when my wife ******g cooks it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Walking round the BBC Television Centre really gets the pedometer going! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 I dream of becoming a selfie photographer I can Just picture myself doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 I'm a casual atheist. I don't follow it religiously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 I've been told I should write an autobiography in order to try make some money.But I don't know much about cars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!" Paddy says "What's his name?" Mick replies "Miles, from London !" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 After de Klerk had to cede power to Mandela, he was asked in an interview if he "had a grudge". Irritably, he replied ....... "Of koss I hev a grudge. It's where I kip my kah". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1960maaan Posted January 30, 2014 Report Share Posted January 30, 2014 Apparently, if your wife ever says "If anything ever happens to me, I want you to meet someone new......" "Anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 30, 2014 Report Share Posted January 30, 2014 If women ruled the world there would be no wars ...just lots of countries not talking to each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 30, 2014 Report Share Posted January 30, 2014 Why are hurricanes normally named after women?When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 12, 2014 Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 12, 2014 Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Quiet often on OTIB when arguments are taking place and someone wants to try and trash the others persons point of view or reference source they say "you shouldn't believe everything that you read".I am not sure I can believe that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 12, 2014 Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Do fishes genitals smell like human beings? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 13, 2014 Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.'' So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution." ''Why?' asked the head nurse. "Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.