Never feel alone, It's good to talk !!

[BigTone]

32 minutes ago, In the Net said:

Oh no, that must be heartbreaking - dogs are such an integral part of the family, and give unconditional love.  Just remember that you gave him/her a wonderful life, thinking of you. x 

Got her as a rescue pooch aged 10 two years ago. Everyone says she had a good life with us. Certainly hope so. Missing her so much.

[BigTone]

4 minutes ago, BigTone said:

Got her as a rescue pooch aged 10 two years ago. Everyone says she had a good life with us. Certainly hope so. Missing her so much.

Buried her this morning at 6:30 am. Apart from the Hibuscus there are purple & red poppy seeds planted. Personally am in bits.

Edited May 29, 2022 by BigTone

[Hxj]

Difficult day today - Forest were my partner's club - she hated football but listened to every Forest match on the radio - if I wasn't at a city away match it was part of our lives.

I had a lovely call from her son after full time, he was in tears and so was I.

The world moves on - but she would have loved the promotion - and the smile on Jermaine Jenas (plus the rest of him!)

 

 

[Toffee dog]

Sorry to add to the gloom not only did my cousins,die in January my fiancé got killed in January her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer & then my mother was diagnosis with breast cancer.as well! 
Life can b shit but we can get through it, x

[Tyna]

12 hours ago, Toffee dog said:

Sorry to add to the gloom not only did my cousins,die in January my fiancé got killed in January her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer & then my mother was diagnosis with breast cancer.as well! 
Life can b shit but we can get through it, x

Never be sorry to share your feelings or sad news. Just talking can help and your fellow reds will always be there for you. Take care you have certainly been dealt a hard blow.

[KevP]

On 29/05/2022 at 19:23, BigTone said:

Buried her this morning at 6:30 am. Apart from the Hibuscus there are purple & red poppy seeds planted. Personally am in bits.

 

[KevP]

You can remember her even more every time the poppies and hibiscus flower Tone. I lost one of my cats last year on the 6th June ( tomorrow ). ...still get upset now and tomorrow will hurt but I try to think of the great life she had with us.....Im sure your dog had 2 great years with you. 

[BigTone]

On 05/06/2022 at 21:11, KevP said:

You can remember her even more every time the poppies and hibiscus flower Tone. I lost one of my cats last year on the 6th June ( tomorrow ). ...still get upset now and tomorrow will hurt but I try to think of the great life she had with us.....Im sure your dog had 2 great years with you. 

She was a cutie who loved a cuddle

Edited June 7, 2022 by BigTone

[In the Net]

On 07/06/2022 at 12:54, BigTone said:

She was a cutie who loved a cuddle

Absolutely gorgeous - so much love in that photo!  We adopted our little rescue dog when she was 8, her previous owner had passed away, she's almost 15 now - the Diva of the house. 

[BigTone]

10 minutes ago, In the Net said:

Absolutely gorgeous - so much love in that photo!  We adopted our little rescue dog when she was 8, her previous owner had passed away, she's almost 15 now - the Diva of the house. 

Wow, that's a good age. Glad you appreciate who is in charge of the household !!

[bpexile]

On 09/06/2022 at 04:12, BigTone said:

Wow, that's a good age. Glad you appreciate who is in charge of the household !!

Hi Tone, only just picked up on this story, so sad mate. We lost our german shepherd way back in 2008  (I mentioned the war once but got away with it). Seriously though mate I said no more dogs because of the heartache when they leave us but I get peace & happiness knowing she had a great life with us, I feel sure you will get the same feelings eventually mate.

Chin up mate & thanks for being a good owner/dog lover.

Cheers from Oz

[phantom]

This is worth a read 

https://www.bcfc.co.uk/news/loneliness-awareness-week/

 

[Jerseybean]

[Mattredrobin]

Hey everyone just thought i'd check in been a while since I posted how is everyone doing ? When I last posted I mentioned I was about to start counseling...wasn't sure what to expect but its definitely helped alot, would highly recommend it to anyone struggling. I've not had as many down days as I did before so that's been an amazing feeling. 

[In the Net]

21 hours ago, Mattredrobin said:

Hey everyone just thought i'd check in been a while since I posted how is everyone doing ? When I last posted I mentioned I was about to start counseling...wasn't sure what to expect but its definitely helped alot, would highly recommend it to anyone struggling. I've not had as many down days as I did before so that's been an amazing feeling. 

That's great news - good for you.  I had counselling for almost 3 years, and it made a huge difference to me, and also gave me tools which I could use to help me cope in the future.  I know it's not for everybody, but worth a try - as you say, it's great when you realise that the "good" days are increasing.  Keep going - onward and upwards.  Take care. 

[The Coach]

On 07/05/2022 at 11:13, The Coach said:

Thanks all for the posts on here. Really great to see people talk and support each other. So perhaps I should give it a go.

I was in contact with one poster late 2021 as we were going through some tough patches together and kept each other how things were going. By this time, I met someone new and thought she was amazing in every single way.

Turned out she is/was a very big liar and extremely dishonest. I did everything for her in every good way possible. Even when she was down in December, I was always there (even though her negative mindset and behaviour  brought me down during this period). Slowly realised after we broke up she's a narcissist, thinks all men are see you next Tuesdays. While blaming everyone else for everything bad that has happened in her life. A pure victims mentality 24/7.

I won't bore everyone with the full story. But even though she's not a very nice person and toxic. It's been 4 months since we broke up and part of me still misses her and wishes we were back together (bearing in mind my family and friends were extremely relieved we broke up and her family and friends were devastated). I've also made the mistake this week of writing and posting a card to her hoping she is all ok, and life is going well. While thanking her for the good times and sharing some of the good memories we have. I feel pretty stupid now and I guess the reason I posted this card in the post box was in hope of some form of response. Yet, I am the one who did no wrong in the relationship.

Feel quite embarrassed by the time I wasted on her and the fact of sending a card this week.

 

 

Well, thought I'd share an update on this one. If you can't laugh, then you'll cry. We actually seen each other on a night out a few weeks ago in what was a very small bar (only just bigger than a micro pub literally). I decided to stay clear and keep my distance. Just in case she decided to cause a scene. Told my friend who I was with I'm going to stay by the bar. My friend decided to go for a boogie in it's very small dance area bit. Where she and her friend were. Bearing in mind my friend does not know her or knew what she looked like. She decided to tap him on the shoulder and tell him to **** off and for me to go also. My friend came back quite shocked. Told him to go enjoy himself and ignore her as she has no right.

Skip a long story short, come 0100 at closure of this bar she decided to kick off at me and get quite vicious. Bearing in mind I haven't looked at her, or been near her for the duration. Still kept my cool and did not lower myself to her behaviour. Bearing in mind I have done absolutely nothing wrong. My friend stuck up for me and gave her a few home truths from what he seen that night (telling her he's 10 times the person you are and you didn't deserve him) Could have kissed him at this point! She then lunged for him and was about to punch him before her friend stepped in and stopped her (who's actually a nice girl and I have no issue with). My ex even then told her own friend to **** off and she stormed off. This is behaviour you'd expect from people when they've had one too many, but this was her completely sober.

By the time I got home, she then decided to message me via FB and then tried to blame the whole ordeal on me. This is where I got frustrated with myself as I lowered myself to her level and we ended up in a slanging match via FB for the next 2 hours. By this point it was 0430 and I was so angry I couldn't sleep. 

I'm so grateful things did not work out. My life would have been such a misery all because of her. The good thing is, the people who are even friends with her know what she is like and have all informed me you can do and deserve a lot better. I just find it absolutely baffling she blames everyone else for everything and believes she isn't the issue, or at least part of it. From what I've been told today. She's been having digs at me all weekend via social media without name dropping me, and also having a pop at my mum. Who was nothing but sweet and caring for her. Even helped prepped her for her new job.

Sorry for the long rant, but it's totally sucked the life out of me. I honesty can't believe people can be this toxic and carry so much hate and negativity in life. I'm taking this as a lucky escape. As I think I am ex boyfriend number 8 or so!

[Ecko]

Delete her from all social media and don't engage with her in future. She sounds like the type to go to the police and use it against you. Psycho.

[Toffee dog]

On 03/02/2022 at 22:13, Toffee dog said:

This is very hard to write but my beautiful partner was hit by a van as she walked to the hairdresser in Downend on Friday  morning & sadly died of her unserviceable injuries Friday evening thankfully I was by her side.

Her ward was turned into a Covid ward early on & she was terrified that she would pass it onto me, I am a community nurse pretty sure we both got Covid but it was very early on & so before testing. We spent weeks living in different bedrooms so don’t go there re: PM.

I miss her everyday & we had so many plans, luckily I have lots of support around me.

Hi all thought I will give you an update, obviously my beautiful lady died(killed) & then for good measure my mum died unexpectedly as well.  But I’m posting to say you can get through it. It has been a shit year I’m getting through it & now back to work.  So those going through dark times keep going you will get through it. X COYR

[The Coach]

13 hours ago, Ecko said:

Delete her from all social media and don't engage with her in future. She sounds like the type to go to the police and use it against you. Psycho.

My plan exactly Ecko. Another member on this forum has PMed me and has given me advice based upon their background. Very grateful to an amazing bunch we have on here.

[Vespa Red]

Good morning all.  After all of your kind words when my wife died in March, I'd like to update you as to how life has been since.

4.5 months on, I still cry most days remembering her.  However, following some support from the hospice (who have been brilliant to both me and my youngest), I am looking back, not on the cancer years - which had been my focus - but on the 30 years of good times that we'd shared before the disease took hold.  It's not always easy as I still rail against cancer and why it took such a brilliant person out of our lives, but the pain is getting a little less.  I also heard back from the Cancer hospital as to the extent of her cancer which was shocking - she didn't stand a chance which broke my heart when I read that.  But it helped because it confirmed that despite it all, everyone had done everything in their powers to try to save her.

I also have a puppy who is a lovely focus now.  And, we are all/have all got memorial tattoos which in essence is a tattoo with cremation ash included.  I know it sounds a little bit macabre but I physically carry a bit of her around with me forever now (as well as her wedding ring which I wear next to mine). Incidentally, one of the penguins in the picture is slightly out of kilter so we need to work a little on the beak.  

Talking helps, it truly does.  I have been blessed by the support of some great mates including @BS4 on Tour... whose weekly texts and visits have been a blessing.  I don't ever want to forget Andrea and always want to talk about her.  And if any of you are ever in a similar position, please reach out to me if you need to.  I may not profess to be an expert but I have been there and I know the journey and how bleak it may look at times.

 

 

Edited July 28, 2022 by Vespa Red

[Guest]

What would YOU have done?

 1, go to your mothers funeral who died of covid/dementia in a city 30miles away or

2, take your wife to hospital 10miles away for an op to try and save her eye ball which she smashed falling onto a loo brush in bathroom, to be there for her, the op was unsuccessfull and she has lost her sight in one eye and has not driven since.

both of the above were on the same day at the same time.

 I picked 2, and would do so every time, the cost since, 2years ago has been my brother and 2 sisters have not spoken since. There loss imo i thought of mum while waiting at the hospital but out cast since that day, would anyone have chosen 1,??

All this just after my cancer op and all through covid.

[Slacker]

16 minutes ago, gl2 said:

What would YOU have done?

 1, go to your mothers funeral who died of covid/dementia in a city 30miles away or

2, take your wife to hospital 10miles away for an op to try and save her eye ball which she smashed falling onto a loo brush in bathroom, to be there for her, the op was unsuccessfull and she has lost her sight in one eye and has not driven since.

both of the above were on the same day at the same time.

 I picked 2, and would do so every time, the cost since, 2years ago has been my brother and 2 sisters have not spoken since. There loss imo i thought of mum while waiting at the hospital but out cast since that day, would anyone have chosen 1,??

All this just after my cancer op and all through covid.

For what it's worth mate.I would have done exactly the same as you.Hope they come to their senses,if not put yourself and your wife first.Good luck going forwards.

[Henry]

12 hours ago, gl2 said:

What would YOU have done?

 1, go to your mothers funeral who died of covid/dementia in a city 30miles away or

2, take your wife to hospital 10miles away for an op to try and save her eye ball which she smashed falling onto a loo brush in bathroom, to be there for her, the op was unsuccessfull and she has lost her sight in one eye and has not driven since.

both of the above were on the same day at the same time.

 I picked 2, and would do so every time, the cost since, 2years ago has been my brother and 2 sisters have not spoken since. There loss imo i thought of mum while waiting at the hospital but out cast since that day, would anyone have chosen 1,??

All this just after my cancer op and all through covid.

2. All day long.

in that situation, I know my mum would want me to go for number 2 as well.

[reddoh]

22 hours ago, gl2 said:

What would YOU have done?

 1, go to your mothers funeral who died of covid/dementia in a city 30miles away or

2, take your wife to hospital 10miles away for an op to try and save her eye ball which she smashed falling onto a loo brush in bathroom, to be there for her, the op was unsuccessfull and she has lost her sight in one eye and has not driven since.

both of the above were on the same day at the same time.

 I picked 2, and would do so every time, the cost since, 2years ago has been my brother and 2 sisters have not spoken since. There loss imo i thought of mum while waiting at the hospital but out cast since that day, would anyone have chosen 1,??

All this just after my cancer op and all through covid.

2 wins every time

[The Batman]

On 26/07/2022 at 13:19, The Coach said:

Well, thought I'd share an update on this one. If you can't laugh, then you'll cry. We actually seen each other on a night out a few weeks ago in what was a very small bar (only just bigger than a micro pub literally). I decided to stay clear and keep my distance. Just in case she decided to cause a scene. Told my friend who I was with I'm going to stay by the bar. My friend decided to go for a boogie in it's very small dance area bit. Where she and her friend were. Bearing in mind my friend does not know her or knew what she looked like. She decided to tap him on the shoulder and tell him to **** off and for me to go also. My friend came back quite shocked. Told him to go enjoy himself and ignore her as she has no right.

Skip a long story short, come 0100 at closure of this bar she decided to kick off at me and get quite vicious. Bearing in mind I haven't looked at her, or been near her for the duration. Still kept my cool and did not lower myself to her behaviour. Bearing in mind I have done absolutely nothing wrong. My friend stuck up for me and gave her a few home truths from what he seen that night (telling her he's 10 times the person you are and you didn't deserve him) Could have kissed him at this point! She then lunged for him and was about to punch him before her friend stepped in and stopped her (who's actually a nice girl and I have no issue with). My ex even then told her own friend to **** off and she stormed off. This is behaviour you'd expect from people when they've had one too many, but this was her completely sober.

By the time I got home, she then decided to message me via FB and then tried to blame the whole ordeal on me. This is where I got frustrated with myself as I lowered myself to her level and we ended up in a slanging match via FB for the next 2 hours. By this point it was 0430 and I was so angry I couldn't sleep. 

I'm so grateful things did not work out. My life would have been such a misery all because of her. The good thing is, the people who are even friends with her know what she is like and have all informed me you can do and deserve a lot better. I just find it absolutely baffling she blames everyone else for everything and believes she isn't the issue, or at least part of it. From what I've been told today. She's been having digs at me all weekend via social media without name dropping me, and also having a pop at my mum. Who was nothing but sweet and caring for her. Even helped prepped her for her new job.

Sorry for the long rant, but it's totally sucked the life out of me. I honesty can't believe people can be this toxic and carry so much hate and negativity in life. I'm taking this as a lucky escape. As I think I am ex boyfriend number 8 or so!

This is all to familiar but we have a child so we have to keep the conversation. Hold Your head up high and continue to be a superior person. Don't lower yourself to the depths of the sewer where vermin reside. 

[Mr Popodopolous]

I have a bit of a tale of woe but dunno- still a bit raw for one and dunno if it's a little self-indulgent for this thread but it has without doubt caused me ups and downs since mid June or so.

[The Coach]

On 06/08/2022 at 00:44, Mr Popodopolous said:

I have a bit of a tale of woe but dunno- still a bit raw for one and dunno if it's a little self-indulgent for this thread but it has without doubt caused me ups and downs since mid June or so.

You’ve made a start @Mr Popodopolous by letting us know (even if not ready to share details at this moment in time). That itself is a step in the right direction 

[Guest]

On 31/07/2022 at 20:25, reddoh said:

2 wins every time

Certainly but a high price to pay now with no contact at all, from brother or sisters, sad life is so short; so we go on one step at a time; have my wife for 45yrs now a daughter and son and a gorgous grand-daughter and son 5 and 7yrs. meanwhile the tests continue with an endoscopy in a fortnight, just to see if the dreaded big C has stayed away.

[reddoh]

On 14/08/2022 at 07:21, Tafkarmlf said:

Slight update again. I've a new partner.<3

Friendship into relationship dealio.

Unexpected and no pressure, drama or expectations. If it works then yay, if it doesn't it doesn't.

They know everything about what's going on, gone on and what's happening with everything. 

Already very different, taking each day as it comes 

Start the next rounds of counselling and the rest this week too. 

This year definitely unbelievable. 

 

Wishing you all the best.

[Ecko]

On 14/08/2022 at 02:21, Tafkarmlf said:

Slight update again. I've a new partner.<3

Friendship into relationship dealio.

Unexpected and no pressure, drama or expectations. If it works then yay, if it doesn't it doesn't.

They know everything about what's going on, gone on and what's happening with everything. 

Already very different, taking each day as it comes 

Start the next rounds of counselling and the rest this week too. 

This year definitely unbelievable. 

 

Congratulations!

[In the Net]

On 14/08/2022 at 07:21, Tafkarmlf said:

Slight update again. I've a new partner.<3

Friendship into relationship dealio.

Unexpected and no pressure, drama or expectations. If it works then yay, if it doesn't it doesn't.

They know everything about what's going on, gone on and what's happening with everything. 

Already very different, taking each day as it comes 

Start the next rounds of counselling and the rest this week too. 

This year definitely unbelievable. 

 

Best wishes for the new relationship - hopefully this is just the beginning of an upturn for you. 

[Mr Popodopolous]

On 14/08/2022 at 07:21, Tafkarmlf said:

Slight update again. I've a new partner.<3

Friendship into relationship dealio.

Unexpected and no pressure, drama or expectations. If it works then yay, if it doesn't it doesn't.

They know everything about what's going on, gone on and what's happening with everything. 

Already very different, taking each day as it comes 

Start the next rounds of counselling and the rest this week too. 

This year definitely unbelievable. 

 

Congratulations.

[Mr Popodopolous]

Well it took me a while, further delayed by the fact I couldn't log in on phone properly for a time. Think I'm ready to post a bit about it now- and since my initial thoughts and ups and downs it's taken a couple of unusual turns as in I made a couple of unexpected discoveries and quite importantly have learnt lessons in several aspects moving forward which is pretty important!

Edited August 19, 2022 by Mr Popodopolous

[Red-Robbo]

On 09/08/2022 at 22:45, gl2 said:

Certainly but a high price to pay now with no contact at all, from brother or sisters, sad life is so short; so we go on one step at a time; have my wife for 45yrs now a daughter and son and a gorgous grand-daughter and son 5 and 7yrs. meanwhile the tests continue with an endoscopy in a fortnight, just to see if the dreaded big C has stayed away.

 

Good luck with that. I got all-cleared in 2020 and am now as healthy as I was 10 years ago. Back in the gym and losing weight - yes, I gained during cancer because I didn't exercise much.

Your choice on that horrible day was absolutely correct and I hope eventually your siblings will realise that. Your wife is here with us, your mother unfortunately not, so it's support the living and there are a multitude of ways you can honour the dead.

Mrs Robbo's sister lost an eye, but is now able to drive with glasses, so, if your missus wants to, she may eventually get her wheels back. 

[Mr Popodopolous]

Initially I was going to come on here and moan about a horribly botched date which caused me a wide range of emotions after the event, joined a site recently and decided to give it a go, a couple of other meets with others were fairly casual so I assumed a first meet after a couple of months of chatting might be too. I thought it was a bit self-indulgent for this thread but anyway...was a place in Totterdown which shall remain nameless.

I turned up relatively casual as with the other one or two with others. FIRST BIG MISTAKE! Was a very rainy day in June, so I wore a smartish fleece and t-shirt, jeans and black shoes. Partly as I wasn't sure what the weather would hold.

Not the worst but...she might have given some kinda clue as she wore one of those fancy long dresses with arms visible, nails painted bright, fancy boots and tights. I digress, dress code mismatch isn't the worst thing but it didn't help...

I then went on to make a string of blunders, not helped by the build-up and the fact that my initial plan was to get a taxi to Temple Meads and then amble along to Totterdown. Except I didn't bank on the rain being constant and having to sprint to the taxi queue by Temple Meads to avoid being drenched!! Didn't help I'm sure.

I also made the at the time understandable but in hindsight foolish call to buy myself some Prawn sandwiches and a Cheese Ploughmans at the shop in Temple Meads.

It was foolish as this place does cocktails and some fancy food. Foolish on two levels as my bag with stuff was visible and as it made me umm and aah on food with her- and frankly the menu has a good range so I'd go back for that alone!

Significantly compounded when umming and aahing food wise I made reference to the sandwiches that were for me and me alone and stated something along the lines of 'Well I dunno, long walk back that I purchased food for'. Stupid, stupid and stupid again!!

Not switching off phone also not smart as checked it twice,  turned out to be a mate asking if I wanted to go to the pub...sure there were other errors but there is no doubt I was ruminating for quite some while, replaying scenarios in my head, replaying planning and so on. This was mid June but subsequent developments discovered in the last couple of weeks have frankly had me laughing...

For her part, to make me wait 16 days for a not well suited seemed somewhat gratuitous, although in the circs I can sort of understand it...I made a horrible hash of things.

Could've been worse although I expect she knew within 16 mins of the meeting ending, maybe sooner!

One of the potential scenarios I was pondering in recent times, was whether I had made the decision first, would that have been a way to go? If I had told her that evening that I made a hash of things and I would suggest that it wouldn't work mainly due to my ineptitude on the night. Or would that have caused strife??

There are also some fundamental differences between us, in our interests..not that they would have been insurmountable had it progressed as I'm quite open minded. However all of that is knocked down as my next post will explain...

[Mr Popodopolous]

Well I made a long 2nd post that I accidentally lost.

Latterly I decided that something was amiss here so I decided to do a bit of due diligence, which ironically I should have done in the first instance- I have done a research based role in the past, I am quite good at it.

Anyway what I discovered turned hurt to laughter and as I said to some friends in a WhatsApp chat 'I'm just laughing at this point'.

Turns out for one that her name wasn't quite as she said, albeit of the same first letter. Fine I get that, risky to put full details on some kinda site like that especially for a woman.

The second thing that I discovered was the laughter. Seems that she is engaged or similar?? Would explain a few things but it would kinda be nice to have known instead of wasting a number of months!?

I am unsure what she wanted on there, unsure she herself knows as she appears to be some combo of pansexual, yet within traditional marriage but at the same time bisexual. Her bio said 'open relationship' but some of the other bits made that less clear.

Not like I was particularly out of pocket- a taxi or 2 and a couple of cocktails each, paid for by me of course but I learnt two significant and valuable lessons..prep properly for meets, I'm miles better now and do some due-dilligence BEFORE a meet, which again I seek to do.

What struck me was how little I did before hand ie none whatsoever in this case. I must have been very taken with her to just disregard any kinda caution or small research to see if anything didn't stack up.

They work in different cities so I wonder how much HE knows about her profile on that dating site, certainly no photos link back to anywhere else. Outside possibility that the person I met was somehow spoofing the original too? All very strange.

If she's looking for friendship on there, it's good to meet new people why not but make it a little clearer both in actions and perhaps how you show up on the night. Maybe I'm well out of it!!

Linked to Part 1, there was a fair bit of self-flagellation, some mood swings- not a good place to be. Plenty of deep dive analysis too, I was beating myself up a bit over (metaphorically) my blunders etc. Although these revelations paint that in a different light.

Life eh, sometimes throws up scripts that would be rejected in fictional plays or whatever!! Lives that some people lead...

[Sheltons Army]

22 minutes ago, Mr Popodopolous said:

Linked to Part 1, there was a fair bit of self-flagellation, some mood swings- not a good place to be. Plenty of deep dive analysis too, I was beating myself up a bit over (metaphorically) my blunders etc. Although these revelations paint that in a different light.

Life eh, sometimes throws up scripts that would be rejected in fictional plays or whatever!! Lives that some people lead...

Try not to ‘over analyse’ things Mr P (Been there ! Done that) 

FWIW I think you probably dodged a bullet, sometimes simple fate has a way of controlling things !

 

Be yourself , always , the right ones will see through any fog 

 

I hope you take this the right way , but I chuckled how you eloquently described the first date ! 
I think you can see some funny side in it too , and that’s good 

 

My advice - Relax & Be yourself , learn a few tactical lessons by all means (We’ve probably all made similar !) but I f you try to become something you’re not , things will almost certainly unravel

Its about being a good person , not an image portrayed bud

 

Edited August 19, 2022 by Sheltons Army

[Mr Popodopolous]

6 hours ago, Sheltons Army said:

Try not to ‘over analyse’ things Mr P (Been there ! Done that) 

FWIW I think you probably dodged a bullet, sometimes simple fate has a way of controlling things !

 

Be yourself , always , the right ones will see through any fog 

 

I hope you take this the right way , but I chuckled how you eloquently described the first date ! 
I think you can see some funny side in it too , and that’s good 

 

My advice - Relax & Be yourself , learn a few tactical lessons by all means (We’ve probably all made similar !) but I f you try to become something you’re not , things will almost certainly unravel

Its about being a good person , not an image portrayed bud

 

Thanks for this Sheltons, appreciate the response and the detail.

I did for a time but fortunately that has passed with this. Agree though it isn't so healthy.

Haha I think so too! A friend I told about it a few weeks ago reckoned so and another said it was a lucky swerve. Could have been interesting to see where it went but the whole her being engaged thing could likewise have caused problems for all parties? Fate as you say saved me here...two other opportunities to met in easier circs arose then fell away

Yep, agreed. People being themselves, true to themselves is important...through the fog, will have to remember that line!

A few weeks back I was somewhat less jolly and self-deprecating about it in all honesty. Especially in light of the secondary info that I posted. However time tends to heal many things and I can see some humour as you say.

Agreed on that, thanks- sound advice for sure. Of course the tactical blunders are amended and I will make new errors but not the same ones.

Theatre and cocktails she was keen on..me not so much. Nice to try sure and certainly don't mind some cocktails but glad I didn't try and force that one.

That is the crux tbh. Being a good person is most important, sure if I could go back I'd do it very differently but I wouldn't try and put on a fake front.

Edited August 19, 2022 by Mr Popodopolous

[In the Net]

7 hours ago, Mr Popodopolous said:

Well I made a long 2nd post that I accidentally lost.

Latterly I decided that something was amiss here so I decided to do a bit of due diligence, which ironically I should have done in the first instance- I have done a research based role in the past, I am quite good at it.

Anyway what I discovered turned hurt to laughter and as I said to some friends in a WhatsApp chat 'I'm just laughing at this point'.

Turns out for one that her name wasn't quite as she said, albeit of the same first letter. Fine I get that, risky to put full details on some kinda site like that especially for a woman.

The second thing that I discovered was the laughter. Seems that she is engaged or similar?? Would explain a few things but it would kinda be nice to have known instead of wasting a number of months!?

I am unsure what she wanted on there, unsure she herself knows as she appears to be some combo of pansexual, yet within traditional marriage but at the same time bisexual. Her bio said 'open relationship' but some of the other bits made that less clear.

Not like I was particularly out of pocket- a taxi or 2 and a couple of cocktails each, paid for by me of course but I learnt two significant and valuable lessons..prep properly for meets, I'm miles better now and do some due-dilligence BEFORE a meet, which again I seek to do.

What struck me was how little I did before hand ie none whatsoever in this case. I must have been very taken with her to just disregard any kinda caution or small research to see if anything didn't stack up.

They work in different cities so I wonder how much HE knows about her profile on that dating site, certainly no photos link back to anywhere else. Outside possibility that the person I met was somehow spoofing the original too? All very strange.

If she's looking for friendship on there, it's good to meet new people why not but make it a little clearer both in actions and perhaps how you show up on the night. Maybe I'm well out of it!!

Linked to Part 1, there was a fair bit of self-flagellation, some mood swings- not a good place to be. Plenty of deep dive analysis too, I was beating myself up a bit over (metaphorically) my blunders etc. Although these revelations paint that in a different light.

Life eh, sometimes throws up scripts that would be rejected in fictional plays or whatever!! Lives that some people lead...

Definitely dodged a bullet there, the boyfriend might be an MMA expert - and it's all good prep for the next time.

Plus you have a funny "disasterous date" story to tell - it made me laugh (sorry, I do sympathise as well).  

Good luck. 

 

[Mr Popodopolous]

1 hour ago, In the Net said:

Definitely dodged a bullet there, the boyfriend might be an MMA expert - and it's all good prep for the next time.

Plus you have a funny "disasterous date" story to tell - it made me laugh (sorry, I do sympathise as well).  

Good luck. 

 

Haha I think so...fairly sure he isn't but a little more advanced than boyfriend as they seem to have been engaged for some time..yes problem swerved.

Few weeks ago, wouldn't have been humorous but yes it is rather amusing, oh join the club a bit- told a few friends at a Beer Festival in London. Perhaps the bigger factor was 2 hrs of alcohol  However they were rolling in the aisles a bit the way I told it. We all laughed it out a bit and it helped. They were supportive too of course.

Thanks- lessons learned.

Edited August 19, 2022 by Mr Popodopolous

[Red-Robbo]

6 hours ago, Tafkarmlf said:

Major update from me

Got suddenly made redundant yesterday. 

This year is a 'gift' that keeps giving

 

Hope you get fixed up again very soon, T. 

[In the Net]

7 hours ago, Tafkarmlf said:

Major update from me

Got suddenly made redundant yesterday. 

This year is a 'gift' that keeps giving

I hope that you can get something sorted too - it could be a whole new beginning. 

[Guest]

5 hours ago, In the Net said:

I hope that you can get something sorted too - it could be a whole new beginning. 

Exactly this its not the end its a whole new beginning; it may seem a pain in the arse atm as it seemed when I was made redundant, but that company went down the pan shortly after and I have not been out of work for even a day since.

[Hxj]

On 09/09/2022 at 08:37, Tafkarmlf said:

Got suddenly made redundant yesterday. 

Best thing that ever happened to me.  Treat it as an opportunity not a problem.

[BigTone]

On 09/09/2022 at 09:37, Tafkarmlf said:

Major update from me

Got suddenly made redundant yesterday. 

This year is a 'gift' that keeps giving

New start for a new and happy future

[BigTone]

My Dad who lives in Adelaide turned 97 in August.  About 10 days ago he had a fall in the supermarket breaking some ribs. Last weekend he had another fall and has damaged his shoulder. It just seems that nothing is going ok for him.  I want to visit but I am waiting for knee replacement surgery and am currently on crutches.  Life can be shit.

On the upside we have taken another rescue dog following the death of Amber a few months back. Let me introduce you to 10 year old Helios who is a Spaniel / Collie cross.  He is just adorable and has certainly filled a very empty void and has given us many happy days in such a short time.  Animals really can be great for ones well being both physical but especially mental.

[In the Net]

Sorry to hear about your Dad, and even more so that the current situation with your knee prevents you from visiting him.  Must be very hard, when you just want to be with him at a difficult time.

The "like" on your post was for Amber, he's a very handsome boy - many happy times ahead I'm sure.  Adopted my little rescue dog 7 years ago, she's just turned 15, she came to us with one eye, sadly lost her sight in that one during an illness a couple of weeks ago - she's gradually finding her way around the house, but walks are rather daunting.  She's got other health problems, but the vet has said that it's ok to continue with pallative care at the moment, as she's eating well and still asking for treats - final decision was left to me, of course we brought her home.  Totally agree with you that dogs are so good for our mental health - she has literally been my saviour at times.  

[redrum]

Great pics @BigTone

What a fine looking hound. Agreed, pets are great for mental health. Whether I've had a good or bad day, love my morning and evening walk with the dog.

[myol'man]

Any help out there for someone who's partner is suffering? 

[phantom]

This is a really powerful and thought provoking image

[Mr Popodopolous]

Not really delving back in too far but quite happy to say over my situation now. Update of small interest.

Someone I know came across her on said site and curiously she has neglected to update the fact that- remember two people same number so it could also be a spoof of someone and cannot rule it out- she's neglected to update a minor thing. Friend asked me if that I was the person I was moaning about and I said '*Yes! Steer clear...or go there if you dare!" Ultimately I advised the whole steer clear thing.

The minor detail? That she's married! Simply still says Open Relationship but no change to bio a couple of pics aside...could be leading a double life of some kind methinks, certainly don't intend to find out but a lot still doesn't stack up. Bullet dodged for sure.

*Whether he does steer clear is for him and him alone to work out. I can advise but his call ultimately.

Edited September 21, 2022 by Mr Popodopolous

[Guest RiderJake]

On 21/09/2022 at 13:27, Mr Popodopolous said:

Not really delving back in too far but quite happy to say over my situation now. Update of small interest.

Someone I know came across her on said site and curiously she has neglected to update the fact that- remember two people same number so it could also be a spoof of someone and cannot rule it out- she's neglected to update a minor thing. Friend asked me if that I was the person I was moaning about and I said '*Yes! Steer clear...or go there if you dare!" Ultimately I advised the whole steer clear thing.

The minor detail? That she's married! Simply still says Open Relationship but no change to bio a couple of pics aside...could be leading a double life of some kind methinks, certainly don't intend to find out but a lot still doesn't stack up. Bullet dodged for sure.

*Whether he does steer clear is for him and him alone to work out. I can advise but his call ultimately.

It seems she didn't forget to update a minor detail, but intentionally didn't update it. I'm not sure, but that's what it looks like. It's that type of woman

[Mr Popodopolous]

2 hours ago, RiderJake said:

It seems she didn't forget to update a minor detail, but intentionally didn't update it. I'm not sure, but that's what it looks like. It's that type of woman

I was being fairly diplomatic! When you put it like that..

All that said, 'the lives some people lead eh', is how I'd sum it up. There's a lot that I won't say about the saga.

Just part of life's rich tapestry isn't it.

Edited October 3, 2022 by Mr Popodopolous

[phantom]

[Super]

Just noticed this on the City FB page

 

Just in case anyone is interested and heard the half time talk about Robins talk mental health sessions.

We meet up every Wednesday 6-7 at the imperial sports ground to play some football, after we go and have a drink together and have a chat. You don’t have to talk about your problems if you don’t want too, but it’s a place where people understand what your going through and we all help each other. I can’t recommend it enough if your struggling.

It’s a totally free session and no pressure at all.

Please feel free to just come along or recommend to anyone you feel may benefit from this.

If anyone wants any more info please drop me a message.

COYR

I will add there is all sorts of levels of ability so don’t think you have to be great at football to come along it’s all about enjoying it and being there for each other.

[City Rocker]

On 05/10/2022 at 13:56, phantom said:

Liam Gallagher has partnered with the BS3 -based mens' mental health charity Talk Club on his new single Too Good For Giving Up.

Great song, really powerful video, aimed at preventing men from suicide. 

[Hxj]

On 19/09/2022 at 17:37, phantom said:

This is a really powerful and thought provoking image

Still brings a tear to my eye.

[In the Net]

On 15/10/2022 at 22:11, City Rocker said:

Liam Gallagher has partnered with the BS3 -based mens' mental health charity Talk Club on his new single Too Good For Giving Up.

Great song, really powerful video, aimed at preventing men from suicide. 

 

Wow - found that very moving. - as you say, both the song and video are thought provoking. 

Any idea how he came to partner up with the charity?

[Mattredrobin]

On 13/10/2022 at 11:20, Super said:

Just noticed this on the City FB page

 

Just in case anyone is interested and heard the half time talk about Robins talk mental health sessions.

We meet up every Wednesday 6-7 at the imperial sports ground to play some football, after we go and have a drink together and have a chat. You don’t have to talk about your problems if you don’t want too, but it’s a place where people understand what your going through and we all help each other. I can’t recommend it enough if your struggling.

It’s a totally free session and no pressure at all.

Please feel free to just come along or recommend to anyone you feel may benefit from this.

If anyone wants any more info please drop me a message.

COYR

I will add there is all sorts of levels of ability so don’t think you have to be great at football to come along it’s all about enjoying it and being there for each other.

Really good idea would love to take part but sadly can't make wednesdays

[City Rocker]

On 17/10/2022 at 19:47, In the Net said:

Wow - found that very moving. - as you say, both the song and video are thought provoking. 

Any idea how he came to partner up with the charity?

Liam revealed that he has lost a few friends to suicide recently and he wanted to do something about it, to back a cause that would make a difference. Sounds like he knew someone who was a Talk Club member.

[Pippintogg]

On 19/09/2022 at 08:41, myol&#x27;man said:

Any help out there for someone who's partner is suffering? 

I am a psychotherapist and am happy for you to message me to find out more. Hope for another 3 points away today. 

[Mr Popodopolous]

I don't wish to dwell on things too much now but occasionally think of a) My experience and b) Subsequent discoveries which I posted a bit about on here- usually when I'm a bit bored, or at a loose end. Am mostly fine at this juncture.

Do wonder looking back if the person I referenced on here and I don't wish to assassinate the character of someone, let alone someone I only knew for a few months, and only knew what they told me, but I do sometimes wonder whether she was a bit of a narcissist or whether she had some tendencies towards, narcissism.

Not so much the big ego, but a few of the other traits. Dodged a bullet as I know but the whole her being married thing was...interesting!

16 day notice period, yes her choice clearly, absolutely but I question the empathy aspect. Then again as I won't go into again, I was fairly shambolic on the evening so perhaps that 16 day notice thing was merited and we all have busy lives after all.

Could also put her ignoring on the site (we eventually blocked each other) some polite and accepting messages for at least a chat about things while accepting the situation for what it was, but then again there's a case to be made, that I could have 'read the room' a bit better and waited for longer for this. I know that she saw them and ignored them, again her choice.

Anyway I certainly read some of this stuff out of interest after things went South.

Otoh she kept good aspects of her life secret so that reduces the narcissism probably. Depends which sites you read too!

Edited October 23, 2022 by Mr Popodopolous

[In the Net]

4 hours ago, Tafkarmlf said:

This year continues to be shit. 

One of my mates died over the weekend unexpectedly. She has an 11 year old kid, no stuff in place to help etc. Was only a few years ago we we're helping her through uni to be a social worker. 

Kept my partner and a few others alive this weekend after mental health episodes, them going missing and utter drama and devastation. 

Jesus Christ

 

 

Jeez, that is a tough weekend, that poor 11 year old girl, so young to lose a parent.  It sounds as though you've helped a few people to keep going, not always easy to do - you're obviously a good person.

For some reason, the black cloud has descended around me - just can't shake it off. 

[phantom]

I am sure those of us that not only post but also read this thread take great strength from the open and honest posts that are shared

I am looking for some assistance please, each month on a zoom call we take it in turns to host a 60 minute section where we have different discussions, I am scheduled to host the call in December.

I was wondering if anyone has any links to any sites or even a short video that discusses being alone at Christmas and supporting those who need help?

I have had a look at the webinars that I have been on this year but they are not really what I am looking for

I would be VERY grateful for any assistance

[2015]

Me and the ex broke up 6 weeks ago and haven't spoke since. Been a very hard time, not just with the break up but even financially as had to get rid of my car recently too because of the cost of living etc. 

I'm an overthinker and quite sensitive so I find it hard to stop myself from thinking the very worst and being impulsive.

Try and look at the flip side of things, the positive is a few years ago I'd have said something I'd have regretted, this time I've just walked away and started doing things to improve my life.

There is always a positive side to a situation.

[BigTone]

3 hours ago, 2015 said:

Me and the ex broke up 6 weeks ago and haven't spoke since. Been a very hard time, not just with the break up but even financially as had to get rid of my car recently too because of the cost of living etc. 

I'm an overthinker and quite sensitive so I find it hard to stop myself from thinking the very worst and being impulsive.

Try and look at the flip side of things, the positive is a few years ago I'd have said something I'd have regretted, this time I've just walked away and started doing things to improve my life.

There is always a positive side to a situation.

Sorry to hear your situation but how you are handling it should be applauded. Things will look up and things will get better and the future will shine bright. All the best and good luck.

[In the Net]

On 01/11/2022 at 10:45, phantom said:

I am sure those of us that not only post but also read this thread take great strength from the open and honest posts that are shared

I am looking for some assistance please, each month on a zoom call we take it in turns to host a 60 minute section where we have different discussions, I am scheduled to host the call in December.

I was wondering if anyone has any links to any sites or even a short video that discusses being alone at Christmas and supporting those who need help?

I have had a look at the webinars that I have been on this year but they are not really what I am looking for

I would be VERY grateful for any assistance

I haven't got any links, however, I did experience being on my own last Christmas. 

My way of dealing with it was to pretend that it was just an ordinary day. I slobbed around in my PJ's, ate normal food (cheese and onion roll for lunch!), watched TV programmes on streaming sites so that I didn't see any of "Christmas Specials", didn't open any of the presents my family had given me.  I found it was an enormous relief not to have the pressure of being "ho ho ho" all day, and to do exactly as I pleased - I felt really relaxed and refreshed on Boxing Day, and enjoyed opening my presents then.

I will confess that my one nod to it being Christmas Day was to eat a lot of chocolate. 

[Slacker]

28 minutes ago, In the Net said:

I haven't got any links, however, I did experience being on my own last Christmas. 

My way of dealing with it was to pretend that it was just an ordinary day. I slobbed around in my PJ's, ate normal food (cheese and onion roll for lunch!), watched TV programmes on streaming sites so that I didn't see any of "Christmas Specials", didn't open any of the presents my family had given me.  I found it was an enormous relief not to have the pressure of being "ho ho ho" all day, and to do exactly as I pleased - I felt really relaxed and refreshed on Boxing Day, and enjoyed opening my presents then.

I will confess that my one nod to it being Christmas Day was to eat a lot of chocolate. 

Hope you have a better one this year Nettie.And everyone else going through a tough time. 

[BigTone]

8 hours ago, Slacker said:

Hope you have a better one this year Nettie.And everyone else going through a tough time. 

Having knee replacement surgery on 21st Dec so Christmas pretty much out the window this year

[In the Net]

11 hours ago, Slacker said:

Hope you have a better one this year Nettie.And everyone else going through a tough time. 

It was actually my choice to spend it on my own, I did have invites from family and friends - to be honest, I actually enjoyed it!  I must be old and miserable - bah humbug!