WhistleHappy Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 38 minutes ago, Robbored said: And in her best Russian accent said " " I'd know that arse anywhere!" ...she put the rock down, produced a bottle of French plonk from under her bra (which was left laying on the floor during her latest random 'get her kit off for no reason' episode) and said to the startled Donald " Do 'ave a Dubonet, Don " .... Picking up the redundant bra with his left foot Trump grinned, "top these up, we'll have to make do with the cups ...cheers " What happened next surprised them both.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martin25 Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 when Donald found out it wasn't a bra he was picking up but a banana hammock! Poor Donald... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 "Gosh darn it", said Donald. "Time for another foreign wife. I wonder what they dang Limey women are like?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Septic Peg Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 So he opened his little book of women (called FHM) and had a gander. He quite liked the look of Kelly Brook as she reminded him of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies... he phoned her up and asked her to marry him, promising her untold wealth, solid gold everything and as much TV work as she could muster... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 ...But she turned him down "I couldn't work with a man who has a hamster on his head", she said. He was forced to turn to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Septic Peg Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 Jayda Fransen, deputy leader of Britain First. She was easily swayed by the promise of world domination and the thought of banning Mexicans from America, so she packed her Union Jack suitcase and jumped on the next flight to New York and took up her place as Queen of Trump Tower. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 But, sadly, US Immigration caught up with her and demanded to see her Green Card. Since she couldn't produce one, she was deported to Stanstead (wherever that is) on the next plane... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welcome To The Jungle Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 when suddenly Aliens invaded Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 and were sent back because of their failure to produce Green Cards... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 1 hour ago, Aizoon said: and were sent back because of their failure to produce green cards... , They did however produce green bodily fluids with lumps in when spotting the washington Post on the newstand, 'President elect Donald Trump to be sworn in' said the headline and continued 'and will become the 45th US President -the 2nd most powerful man in the World behind Ronald McDonald in a Starbucks sponsored ceremony to be held at the KFC HQ in Louisville Kentucky... ' "Oh my Gods Jupiter El-abd and Mars! ...The World Has gone mad" n cried the little green man with the biggest head 'we must leave here at once' he telepathically informed his fellows green gilberts.... 'We are non-entity ET's -get us out of here!' ...and with that they were gone. Trumps phone rings, "you havent seen the last of me screamed Jamie Lee Curtis, we havent had our nude scene yet ...MISTER President!" ... 'Oh shit' thought Donald 'I'm in the Shite House already' .... before saying "OK, OK, Jamie -but no blue dresses! No Blue Dresses is that clear? " ..... "Dresses? dresses are the last thing on my mind Donny believe me!" she said while adjusting her g-string for the umpteenth time since lunch. So its all happening innit ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbored Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 Especially back Red Trousers parish where he'd had another wacky idea about banning aircraft from..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 ...Bristol Airport. "Let them fly by bike", the Chief Loony sputtered. But... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 ...soon discovered that, unlike the song, -flying without wings is easier sung or indeed said than done. However dogged George (never one to let a bad idea deter him) decided to invest substantial council funds in exploring the idea of and producing a batch if 'kite bikes' - its the future of personal transportation 50,0000 posters around the City proclaimed. Interviewed on local radio George insisted 'kite bikes' are the way to go, he was extremely looking forward to taking delivery of the first batch within days. News had just reached his command centre in City Hall that the hauliers barge had just negotiated the lock at Hanham and is speeding its way towards the river Avon/Feeder Canal lock gates at Netham, not long now, George tells the listeners. The well known Gashead radio funnyman Yabsley (well all Gas heads are a bit 'funny' if you know what I mean?) asked George how many 'kite bikes' he had plans to invest in "-Oh, thousands " said George confidently " thousands and thousands, they will take-off big time mark my words young Yabbo, mark my words! " .... "You'll soon see when that barge arrives and delivers its first cargo of twenty" George enthused... "Twenty? " Yabbo inquired.. "Are you sure that'll be enough George?" ... ... "To start with yes, I've said it before and I'll say it again...Twenty Is Plenty!" If you say so you t w a t thought Yabbo... 'Lines are open to call in, the Mayor is waiting for your calls... "first up we have Horace from Horfield good morning Horace, what's your question for George?".... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 "Are you going to deliver hedgehog-friendly bikes suitable for spiky insectivores with little short legs? And why are you such a self publicising pillock? Come anywhere near me and I'll be up those red trousers and bite off your..." "Oh, what a pity. Horace seems to have been cut off. Our next caller wants to talk about Bristol Rovers." "Well, Steve, I lived through Maggie Thatcher, my divorce and my dog dying..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martin25 Posted February 29, 2016 Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 Apparently, the conversation was cut when aliens begin to destroy places nearby. And who's that? Donald Trump was seen from afar with... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted February 29, 2016 Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 Katie Price, whoever she is... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbored Posted February 29, 2016 Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 "Are you from Jordan?" Asked hamster hair..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted February 29, 2016 Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 "Yes. Do you know that I own Bristol Rovers now", said the ample Jordan. "I paid for it with plastic. I've got lots of that"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanterne Rouge Posted February 29, 2016 Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 But in common with all my other relationships, I`ll have got bored and packed it in by July and they will then be..................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted February 29, 2016 Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 ...****ed. trust me, I know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martin25 Posted March 1, 2016 Report Share Posted March 1, 2016 And here's my calling card, in case you need some... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted March 1, 2016 Report Share Posted March 1, 2016 ...crates of empty milk bottles, nicked 'em off of an old milk float that someone left parked and abandoned in the car park a few years ago.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted March 1, 2016 Report Share Posted March 1, 2016 ...I believe they're collectable, now. What will you give me for them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martin25 Posted March 2, 2016 Report Share Posted March 2, 2016 "Well, I can give you number and call me anytime you need ..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted March 5, 2016 Report Share Posted March 5, 2016 " WHAT?? " .... "WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING!! ...How very dare you?? " said ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted March 5, 2016 Report Share Posted March 5, 2016 ...the milkman, on being accused of fathering several thousand children. I'm a pensioner, you know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbored Posted March 5, 2016 Report Share Posted March 5, 2016 "And I can't get it up anymore" ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanterne Rouge Posted March 6, 2016 Report Share Posted March 6, 2016 And certainly not at 4am, but............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizoon Posted March 6, 2016 Report Share Posted March 6, 2016 ...possibly at 45 degrees... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted March 6, 2016 Report Share Posted March 6, 2016 .... a certain Royal thought when contemplating his favourite female singing group. Camilla would give him 'the 3rd degree' if she could read his mind... Moving swiftly on..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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