Mattredrobin Posted January 24, 2023 Report Share Posted January 24, 2023 5 hours ago, BigTone said: Wife saw Dr on Friday only to be told her cancer is back and has possibly taken up in her liver also. She had a fall at home yesterday and has ended up in hospital so waiting to hear what the outcome is. Spoke to my Sister in Oz this morning as it is the anniversary of Mums passing and was told that Dad is failing rapidly. Am due to fly over this weekend to see him but now is a quandry as to what I should do, go or stay here. Life really can be shit sometimes. So sorry to hear that BigTone, such a tough thing to have to decide on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 24, 2023 Report Share Posted January 24, 2023 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Mattredrobin said: So sorry to hear that BigTone, such a tough thing to have to decide on. Still dont know what to do. Waiting to hear from hospital re wife. Feeling really down and fed up TBH. I normally try and look on the bright side of life but ain't working today. Edited January 24, 2023 by BigTone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mattredrobin Posted January 24, 2023 Report Share Posted January 24, 2023 4 minutes ago, BigTone said: Still dont know what to do. Waiting to hear from hospital re wife. Feeling really down and fed up TBH. I normally try and look on the bright side of life but ain't working today. That's shit to hear, I can't give any sound advice about your wife as i've never been in the situation, but I know how feeling down and fed up feels, Just make sure you talk about how it's making you feel always good to get it out and maybe see how your wife is feeling when she gets home and make a decision when things are a bit clearer. ( Sorry if that's rubbish advice ) If ever you need a chat just drop me a message or speak to others you might know on here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 24, 2023 Report Share Posted January 24, 2023 29 minutes ago, BigTone said: Still dont know what to do. Waiting to hear from hospital re wife. Feeling really down and fed up TBH. I normally try and look on the bright side of life but ain't working today. Sad to hear that what follows is just me; I was in a slightly different situation where had to choose between being here for my wife for a vital eye op and going to my mums funeral; chose taking wife for eye op on same day and time and not getting to mums funeral; sisters and brother havent spoke to me since....hey ho.....I dont live with them. imo it would be keep those closest to you close, the end, you cant please everybody or be in two places. I have also had a cancer op 3yrs ago and been given the all clear so far, but its always at the back of your head that it will come back someday, I like to hope that those closest to you would be there for you. Anyway best wishes to you and yours whatever you decide, we carry on one step at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 24, 2023 Report Share Posted January 24, 2023 Really appreciate the advice Gents. Ta muchly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted January 24, 2023 Report Share Posted January 24, 2023 God Tone, what an awful situation to have have to choose between. Has your wife said what she thinks you should do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 24, 2023 Report Share Posted January 24, 2023 (edited) 51 minutes ago, Dollymarie said: God Tone, what an awful situation to have have to choose between. Has your wife said what she thinks you should do? She wants me to go Dolls but it isn't sitting well with me. I think the next 24 hours will be the decider. Have good friends here who will keep an eye on her but not 24/7 which is my concern. Seems her cancer is quite aggressive which is a concern also. I had thought of postponing my trip until maybe April but my Sis is not so sure it is a good idea especially as Dad lives with her. He is 98 yo and declining rapidly. Will probably go but will change flight to come back home after 10 days or so. Just totally unsure just now TBH. Edited January 24, 2023 by BigTone 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyna Posted January 24, 2023 Report Share Posted January 24, 2023 So sorry to read this Tone. Only you can make that decision because you will have to live with it and if a decision is not sitting well with you maybe that is your inner self talking. Maybe you could shift your flight back a week to give yourself some breathing space. Take care fellow red. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 24, 2023 Report Share Posted January 24, 2023 17 minutes ago, Tyna said: So sorry to read this Tone. Only you can make that decision because you will have to live with it and if a decision is not sitting well with you maybe that is your inner self talking. Maybe you could shift your flight back a week to give yourself some breathing space. Take care fellow red. That is an option I agree Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 24, 2023 Report Share Posted January 24, 2023 Just now, BigTone said: That is an option I agree Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted January 24, 2023 Report Share Posted January 24, 2023 43 minutes ago, BigTone said: She wants me to go Dolls but it isn't sitting well with me. I think the next 24 hours will be the decider. Have good friends here who will keep an eye on her but not 24/7 which is my concern. Seems her cancer is quite aggressive which is a concern also. I had thought of postponing my trip until maybe April but my Sis is not so sure it is a good idea especially as Dad lives with her. He is 98 yo and declining rapidly. Will probably go but will change flight to come back home after 10 days or so. Just totally unsure just now TBH. Was just about to say, can you go and just not stay very long. You can say your goodbyes to your dad and then get back to focus on your wife 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 25, 2023 Report Share Posted January 25, 2023 15 hours ago, Dollymarie said: Was just about to say, can you go and just not stay very long. You can say your goodbyes to your dad and then get back to focus on your wife Something I am looking at Dolls. Ann home again now so trying to assess the situation. Our friends and neighbours have been fab with offers of help so far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 25, 2023 Report Share Posted January 25, 2023 19 hours ago, Dollymarie said: Was just about to say, can you go and just not stay very long. You can say your goodbyes to your dad and then get back to focus on your wife Just had a visit from our commune Mayor who has said if Ann has any problems with the house while I'm away then just call and they will send someone to help. Frankly I'm chocked. How nice is that. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Net Posted January 25, 2023 Report Share Posted January 25, 2023 5 hours ago, BigTone said: Just had a visit from our commune Mayor who has said if Ann has any problems with the house while I'm away then just call and they will send someone to help. Frankly I'm chocked. How nice is that. Glad to hear that you have offers of help for Ann while you are away - it is amazing how people rally round when needed. I think that Dollymarie's suggestion of a shorter time away from home is the one which I would go with. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 26, 2023 Report Share Posted January 26, 2023 (edited) 19 hours ago, In the Net said: Glad to hear that you have offers of help for Ann while you are away - it is amazing how people rally round when needed. I think that Dollymarie's suggestion of a shorter time away from home is the one which I would go with. Had a day of it today but am amazed at the number of offers to help out. Our GP has also organised a district nurse to call in twice a day to check up on Ann. As things stand I shall be going to see Dad next week as planned. Changing flights isn't an option due to availability of flights. Adelaide is a bit of a backwater in Oz and the number of direct flights has reduced significantly especially since the pandemic. Sydney, Melbourne or Brisbane are much more accessible. If I need to get back home urgently then I shall let the insurance company organise it. All credit to Ann who has always helped neighbours etc in the past with meals etc when they have been sick or otherwise indisposed. To a person all have offered her the same consideration in return. Starve she certainly will not. Thanks @PHILINFRANCE for your PM, it was very much appreciated and encouraged me out of the hole I had fallen into. Thanks also to everyone else for listening and offering advice. Wine o'clock now !!! Edited January 26, 2023 by BigTone 3 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Constant Rabbit Posted February 3, 2023 Report Share Posted February 3, 2023 On 24/01/2023 at 20:20, BigTone said: Wife saw Dr on Friday only to be told her cancer is back and has possibly taken up in her liver also. She had a fall at home yesterday and has ended up in hospital so waiting to hear what the outcome is. Spoke to my Sister in Oz this morning as it is the anniversary of Mums passing and was told that Dad is failing rapidly. Am due to fly over this weekend to see him but now is a quandry as to what I should do, go or stay here. Life really can be shit sometimes. How are you doing Tone? Make sure you look after yourself - the carer is often the forgotten one. If it's any consolation - my wife of over 30 yrs was given 6 months to live with advanced cancer and a stroke (aged 42) 18 yrs ago. She's still here, cancer free and managing to work a little bit when she wants to + do all the social stuff that's important. The stroke caused permanent disabilities, but 18 yrs remission from Stage 4 cancer just shows there is always an outlier. Wishing you all the best in this awful time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 4, 2023 Report Share Posted February 4, 2023 14 hours ago, The Constant Rabbit said: How are you doing Tone? Make sure you look after yourself - the carer is often the forgotten one. If it's any consolation - my wife of over 30 yrs was given 6 months to live with advanced cancer and a stroke (aged 42) 18 yrs ago. She's still here, cancer free and managing to work a little bit when she wants to + do all the social stuff that's important. The stroke caused permanent disabilities, but 18 yrs remission from Stage 4 cancer just shows there is always an outlier. Wishing you all the best in this awful time. Arrived in Adelaide on Thursday. Good to see Dad but he really is not in good shape so glad I came in time. Today Wife in France had another fall and was taken to Hospital about an hour ago. Waiting to hear the prognosis. You really wouldn't read about it. 10:45pm here and the bottle of wine is being given a damn good workout !! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City oz Posted February 4, 2023 Report Share Posted February 4, 2023 26 minutes ago, BigTone said: Arrived in Adelaide on Thursday. Good to see Dad but he really is not in good shape so glad I came in time. Today Wife in France had another fall and was taken to Hospital about an hour ago. Waiting to hear the prognosis. You really wouldn't read about it. 10:45pm here and the bottle of wine is being given a damn good workout !! I wish you all the best BT. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cidered abroad Posted February 7, 2023 Report Share Posted February 7, 2023 (edited) On 04/02/2023 at 12:16, BigTone said: Arrived in Adelaide on Thursday. Good to see Dad but he really is not in good shape so glad I came in time. Today Wife in France had another fall and was taken to Hospital about an hour ago. Waiting to hear the prognosis. You really wouldn't read about it. 10:45pm here and the bottle of wine is being given a damn good workout !! Hi Big Tone, It never just rains little spots does it. Keep your head up and don't overdo the vinho tinto. At least you have the bottle to yourself! We are used to adversity aren't we. I'll ask Nigel to drop a few defeats in so we don't get too over excited. COYREDS. Edited February 7, 2023 by cidered abroad 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 22, 2023 Report Share Posted February 22, 2023 On 07/02/2023 at 12:55, cidered abroad said: Hi Big Tone, It never just rains little spots does it. Keep your head up and don't overdo the vinho tinto. At least you have the bottle to yourself! We are used to adversity aren't we. I'll ask Nigel to drop a few defeats in so we don't get too over excited. COYREDS. Came home 10 days early as had she had a bad fall and was admitted to hospital. Was told yesterday that she also has dementia. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted February 22, 2023 Report Share Posted February 22, 2023 4 hours ago, BigTone said: Came home 10 days early as had she had a bad fall and was admitted to hospital. Was told yesterday that she also has dementia. Oh Tone I am sorry, been wondering what was happening with you. Am glad you got to see your dad. Hope Ann is doing as well as she can given all the recent diagnoses and that you are able to enjoy whatever time you have left together. Sending hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Net Posted February 22, 2023 Report Share Posted February 22, 2023 6 hours ago, BigTone said: Came home 10 days early as had she had a bad fall and was admitted to hospital. Was told yesterday that she also has dementia. Really feel for you, reading this. I hope that your wife is receiving good care, and will be home with you soon. My 99 year old Mum has had dementia for quite a few years, luckily it was slow progressing, and I hope that it will be the same for your wife. Make sure that you care for yourself as well. Best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyna Posted February 22, 2023 Report Share Posted February 22, 2023 17 hours ago, BigTone said: Came home 10 days early as had she had a bad fall and was admitted to hospital. Was told yesterday that she also has dementia. So sorry to read this Tone. Please look after yourself as you are going to need your strength. Your fellow Reds are routing for you and your wife. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 23, 2023 Report Share Posted February 23, 2023 10 hours ago, Tyna said: So sorry to read this Tone. Please look after yourself as you are going to need your strength. Your fellow Reds are routing for you and your wife. She is going into a Care Home next Monday for at least a month as I have knee replacement surgery booked for 9th March which cannot be delayed any further as walking is a big problem. Don't want to do it but have no other option just now. Meantime I have guys in making some changes to the house to make things easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyna Posted February 23, 2023 Report Share Posted February 23, 2023 56 minutes ago, BigTone said: She is going into a Care Home next Monday for at least a month as I have knee replacement surgery booked for 9th March which cannot be delayed any further as walking is a big problem. Don't want to do it but have no other option just now. Meantime I have guys in making some changes to the house to make things easier. I used to work in a care home we had so much fun, it sounds as this is for the best, allowing you to recover from your knee op. Planning is your big ally here, if you can anticipate what you might need and get it done before she comes home it will be so much easier. Good luck, keep talking to us, we have your back. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 23, 2023 Report Share Posted February 23, 2023 On 22/02/2023 at 06:07, BigTone said: Came home 10 days early as had she had a bad fall and was admitted to hospital. Was told yesterday that she also has dementia. So sorry to hear this, it brings back very simular memories but with my mother not my wife and it was during the high spots of covid, A knee op for you as well geez best of luck mate thoughts with you a yours, puts a few debts and bills into perspective Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted February 27, 2023 Report Share Posted February 27, 2023 Probably the hardest day of my life today leaving my Wife in a Care Home. Came home and dog is searching everywhere for her. Heart breaking. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyna Posted February 27, 2023 Report Share Posted February 27, 2023 3 hours ago, BigTone said: Probably the hardest day of my life today leaving my Wife in a Care Home. Came home and dog is searching everywhere for her. Heart breaking. So sorry Tone, I wish I could think of something to say to help but there are no words. I am sure she will settle in a few days and then maybe you will be able to see it was for the best whilst you do what you have to do at home. Take care fellow red make sure you look after yourself she is going to need you at your best. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mattredrobin Posted February 28, 2023 Report Share Posted February 28, 2023 20 hours ago, BigTone said: Probably the hardest day of my life today leaving my Wife in a Care Home. Came home and dog is searching everywhere for her. Heart breaking. Really sorry Tone, life really is pushing you at the moment. As said above not much I can say other than stay strong. My best mate's girlfriend has just been diagnosed with cancer, it's treatable but it's been a real tough time on them over the last few weeks and waiting, which has also taken a toll on my mental health too with worrying about my mate, He's lost a brother and his mum before we were 15, I've just tried to be there for him and let him talk about it to get his thoughts out. Hopefully you have some people around you, who you feel comfortable talking too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ralphindevon Posted March 3, 2023 Report Share Posted March 3, 2023 On 27/02/2023 at 16:40, BigTone said: Probably the hardest day of my life today leaving my Wife in a Care Home. Came home and dog is searching everywhere for her. Heart breaking. Bit late to this, sorry you’ve had such a grim time of it lately. It really is unfair when life throws a bunch of horrible things at you in a short space of time but glad you’re able to share your thoughts on here as it’s good to talk about them. Also your neighbours sound great and you don’t need me to tell you how good the health system is over there. All the best with the op next week, you’ll get the best aftercare I’m sure. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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