Never feel alone, It's good to talk !!

[Superjack]

55 minutes ago, Barkhamred said:

Think this should go back to being pinned in football chat. It is too hidden here.

Couldn't agree more. 

Come on mods. Sort it out please.

[RedEyez]

On 10/05/2023 at 20:03, Mr Popodopolous said:

I'm finally coming through in full the part of no longer wanting to right perceived wrongs via transparency that I nearly pushed through over Easter.

The opportunity would be there, is there but just feels like it would be disproportionate. No longer do I believe that unveiling the truth is a must or even necessary.

Alright to let it lie so long as they cause me no aggravation or similar and no reason to believe that they will. Think I've reached a happy equilibrium at last after many fluctuating and variable views.

This resonates with me as, by the sounds of it, I am going through something very similar.

Hope you’re doing okay now chap and you are at peace with whatever it was that was bothering you.

I am almost so nearly at the point you mention in bold. 

[bcfc01]

Why is this thread hidden on the general forum ?

It will have no impact on here.

Put it back on the football forum asap - it needs visibility, thats what it is for.

[Barkhamred]

Thanks @Ian M for pinning this to each forum but I still think that the main thread should be in football chat where so more people can see if there have been updates that they want to respond to. Having links in the other forums is a good idea.

[Ian M]

I've swapped the discussion thread to the main forum for visibility and moved the locked post pointing to this to GenChat to ensure wherever people are on OTIB they see that support is out there.

[Superjack]

4 hours ago, Ian M said:

I've swapped the discussion thread to the main forum for visibility and moved the locked post pointing to this to GenChat to ensure wherever people are on OTIB they see that support is out there.

Good job fella.

[Guest]

6 hours ago, Ian M said:

I've swapped the discussion thread to the main forum for visibility and moved the locked post pointing to this to GenChat to ensure wherever people are on OTIB they see that support is out there.

How is the Porto Red " I dont know where to go" thread (clearly someone and others who need all us fans atm) still so way out of place on the Transfer Thread? 

Edited August 16, 2023 by wtf

[Akira]

Edit*

Edited August 16, 2023 by Akira

[Mr Popodopolous]

13 hours ago, RedEyez said:

This resonates with me as, by the sounds of it, I am going through something very similar.

Hope you’re doing okay now chap and you are at peace with whatever it was that was bothering you.

I am almost so nearly at the point you mention in bold. 

Ah sounds like there is a lot of this about. It's tough isn't it and I hope you work your way through it and reach the place you need to.

Much better thanks, pulled mydelf back from that bold step- hope you pull yourself back to a much better place.

It's a bit call isn't it. Small paet of ke wishes I had but certainly not encouraging it, but do what you need to do and what feels best I would say.

[Guest]

38 minutes ago, Akira said:

Sigh. 

Posting this as I've been holding off just expressing my thoughts for months, maybe years. But lately, life is changing around me, and to be honest, I'm scared shitless. 

I've always just put on a brave face, as do most of us I'm sure. But deep down, I feel broken. I don't know why, but i do. 

Didn't have a terrible childhood or anything like that, don't get me wrong, it wasn't great, but some have definitely had it a lot worse than I have. However, growing up, I was cheated on in my first ever long term relationship, which absolutely broke me, left me in hospital and mentally scarred. Few years later, by the age of 24, by parents had separated and my dad later died that year unexpectedly.

All of this, I've just dealt with. However as I've got older, now 35, I'm engaged, which is amazing, but have always been on relatively low income, no inheritance so have always rented (from age of 18) and have never really been in a position to save for a house. And I just feel worthless more and more as time ticks on. It's probably friends, family, society around me where I'm looking that them and comparing, something I shouldn't I know, but find myself doing. 

This past couple of years, watching what's happening around the world, nature being destroyed, being shafted by government all the time, has left me feeling helpless inside. Maybe in trying to blame others for my lack of success? Who knows. But lately I've started having really bad thoughts. Every day I think about killing myself. I never go through with it, obviously, and I never even act upon it or take it any further than that. 

But it's always the same thoughts, about me hanging myself, as it feels like I'm no longer alive inside. Reading this will appear shocking I'm sure, and I know it's pretty shitty for me to even write it as some will worry and care, but please, there is no need to, as I won't ever act upon it. But having the thoughts isn't normal. 

And recently we've been going through IVF, which has been an absolute rollercoaster. But there might be some good news at the end of that, however I'm pretty scared by it. I've never had kids, I'm a massive over thinker and I doubt my ability to be a good dad. But it's all these ideas you have, places you'd like to travel, things you'd like to see etc, always told with having a kid, unless on big salary, will never happen, and I suppose it's causing me to freak out inside my own head. 

Externally I probably look fine, years of mastering the art of wearing a mask I suppose. But I'm just writing this as feel pretty alone, don't want to cause my partner any worry or alarm, but also, just need some guidance, reassurance, something I suppose. 

I'll absolutely regret sending this within a few mins I'm sure, I've already deleted and re-written it multiple times, but sharing behind an alias, yes it's cowardly, but again, feels like my mask currently. And after being a member on this forum for well over 15 years, kinda feels like home/family on here, so **** it, a problem shared is a problem halved, or so they say. 

Mate there are many, many in the same boat and worse, and the having kids unless on a big salary is total rubbish, I expect there are millionares who are sh1te Dads, you dont need wads of dosh to be a good dad just the love for your children.

You can only take one day at a time predicting what tomorrow may or may not bring is impossible, so pretty pointless worrying about the what ifs...

I could write a book about myself; being 70yrs old and still having to work to pay off debts and mistakes made previously, even as far as giving our house to a debt consolidating firm ,though able to live here free until we die, still.... hard to bare.

Came through a bowel cancer op, still have COPD and still have to work on reduced hours, yet carry on which is what we have to do because, its what we do.

Been around the world and many places, also worked on the most prestigous places in this country, mostly all on credit, for which I`m still paying for, have had 2 children and 2 grandchildren, I wont go on.

Point being mate you WILL cope and get on with it, one day at a time, its what we do, just do it.

(I do remember your username from ages back, when I was Glosboy, Glos Old Boy, GL2 etc),...............ooops cats out of the bag now WTF.

Edited August 16, 2023 by wtf

[Taylor10]

1 hour ago, Akira said:

Edit*

Mate, if you want to chat please don’t hesitate to get in touch. Drop me a message and feel free to talk whenever you want. Talking is good and talking helps. Stay strong mate

[MarcusX]

12 hours ago, Akira said:

Edit*

I caught your post as it's been quoted.

As someone the same age and similar doubts especially about fatherhood I can relate (and for me it feels like times passing away too quickly for it to happen!) 

Feel free to message if you need a chat, but also you should talk to your partner, even if you don't tell them everything you're feeling. They'll know something is up sooner or later.

[highlandcityfan]

In light of Porto Red's thread the other night, I feel it's worth reiterating the info from my post, plus a little more in this thread. Apologies for some duplication.

 

Some support services that could be of use for those struggling with mental health / wellbeing / in crisis;

Samaritans - Contact Us | Samaritans

24/7, 365 days per year. Speak to someone by phone (116 123), online chat (still a pilot) and/or email.

Shout - Free 24/7 text support service Shout - UK's 24/7 Crisis Text Service for Mental Health Support | Shout 85258 (giveusashout.org)

Text 'SHOUT' to 85258 to start a text chat with a trained volunteer (some phones can send a warning you may be charged - you will not)

Mind in Somerset - 24/7 Mental Health Charity Mind in Somerset

24/7, 7 days per week, phone 01823 276892 or 0800 138 1692

Bristol Mind - Mind Bristol - (bristolmind.org.uk)

0117 203 4419 - open 7pm to 11pm, Wednesday to Sunday

Bristol Mental Health Support Mental Health Services (bristol.gov.uk)

 

Please reach out to your GP if you require support.

And always, in an emergency, please call 999.

For non-emergency support (or if you don't have a GP), please call NHS 111

 

There is wealth of mental health and wellbeing support out there, loads of it free. Online, apps, phone based, face to face. The important thing is to reach out.

If anyone on here wishes to message me, I tend to browse OTIB most days so will pick your message up, and will always try to help - we can chat stuff through, we can look together for the best support service out there that matches what you need.

 

Take care all

Tom Dimambro

[Crackers Corner]

Hi all,

not sure if this is the right thread I've had a very challenging 3 years, my wife developed aggressive bone cancer in her hip in the middle of lockdown and had 2 operations to remove it as there was more found a year later. as you can imagine its taken a big toll on us both and I have struggled at times to hold everything together.  She has now been cancer free for 18 months I'm really pleased to say we had a visit last week and were told that they think its all gone and the risk of it coming back has dropped exponentially as it hadn't spread. its had a huge toll on our lives and left my with permanently disabled as a result but there finally seems to be light at the end of the tunnel.

It was great to book my remaining holiday out in weeks rather than single days for all the hospital visits. 

I have had great support from Colleagues and family and hopefully our lives can restart to some form of normality moving forward with just 6 month scans (moved from 3 monthly)

[BigTone]

5 hours ago, Crackers Corner said:

Hi all,

not sure if this is the right thread I've had a very challenging 3 years, my wife developed aggressive bone cancer in her hip in the middle of lockdown and had 2 operations to remove it as there was more found a year later. as you can imagine its taken a big toll on us both and I have struggled at times to hold everything together.  She has now been cancer free for 18 months I'm really pleased to say we had a visit last week and were told that they think its all gone and the risk of it coming back has dropped exponentially as it hadn't spread. its had a huge toll on our lives and left my with permanently disabled as a result but there finally seems to be light at the end of the tunnel.

It was great to book my remaining holiday out in weeks rather than single days for all the hospital visits. 

I have had great support from Colleagues and family and hopefully our lives can restart to some form of normality moving forward with just 6 month scans (moved from 3 monthly)

Sounds like things are moving in the right direction for you both after a very rough journey and long may it continue.  I wish you only the best.

[Colombo Robin]

On 16/08/2023 at 22:00, Akira said:

Edit*

Hi Akira,

Comparing ourselves to others around us is something we all do and can indeed lead to bad feelings but keep in mind that your job and earnings will never define you as a person. The relationships you have with those close to you is a much better measure of who you are and this IS something within your control. Alain de Botton wrote a great book called Status Anxiety exploring exactly this. There's a documentary also that i think is on youtube. I found it quite helpful when frustrated with injustices i saw around me, where some real a**holes seemed to have everything and some really good people struggling financially. Like you said it can lead to feelings of worthlessness, often for completely undeserving people. As i grew older, met more people and worked in a number of different countries and contexts i came to the conclusion that the idea of this supposed meritocracy in which we live in is in many many cases a bit of a con to put it politely.  But also, and more importantly, materialistically there are haves and have nots, but excluding extreme poverty, both sides are just as prone to depression and mental health issues as each other. Sounds cliche but having a flash car really doesnt make someone happy. People make people happy

I guess my point is this, if you find yourself comparing yourself to others focus on the connections you have with people around you which is much more meaningful than the amount of stuff you own. 

Your post really resonated with me and it was great that you shared it. Happy to chat anytime. 

[Crackers Corner]

15 hours ago, BigTone said:

Sounds like things are moving in the right direction for you both after a very rough journey and long may it continue.  I wish you only the best.

Thanks I appreciate  that greatly.

[Akira]

2 hours ago, Colombo Robin said:

Hi Akira,

Comparing ourselves to others around us is something we all do and can indeed lead to bad feelings but keep in mind that your job and earnings will never define you as a person. The relationships you have with those close to you is a much better measure of who you are and this IS something within your control. Alain de Botton wrote a great book called Status Anxiety exploring exactly this. There's a documentary also that i think is on youtube. I found it quite helpful when frustrated with injustices i saw around me, where some real a**holes seemed to have everything and some really good people struggling financially. Like you said it can lead to feelings of worthlessness, often for completely undeserving people. As i grew older, met more people and worked in a number of different countries and contexts i came to the conclusion that the idea of this supposed meritocracy in which we live in is in many many cases a bit of a con to put it politely.  But also, and more importantly, materialistically there are haves and have nots, but excluding extreme poverty, both sides are just as prone to depression and mental health issues as each other. Sounds cliche but having a flash car really doesnt make someone happy. People make people happy

I guess my point is this, if you find yourself comparing yourself to others focus on the connections you have with people around you which is much more meaningful than the amount of stuff you own. 

Your post really resonated with me and it was great that you shared it. Happy to chat anytime. 

Thanks to those who reached out and replied. Guessing I wasn't quick enough with deleting or editing my post but as you can probably tell, was feeling really down. 

Just reading the replies has actually helped, reading that others have struggled in similar situations, similar thoughts etc, means a lot so thanks for sharing and also caring. 

Some nice words said, so thank you

[Guest]

On 18/08/2023 at 10:38, Akira said:

Thanks to those who reached out and replied. Guessing I wasn't quick enough with deleting or editing my post but as you can probably tell, was feeling really down. 

Just reading the replies has actually helped, reading that others have struggled in similar situations, similar thoughts etc, means a lot so thanks for sharing and also caring. 

Some nice words said, so thank you

I admit to being one of the first to quote your post, I have family in the same position who have been in many dark places but have reached out from the darkness many times, from the back of ambulances/A and E/deaths door, slowly they are emerging into the light (yes its sounds corny) but help is out there for anyone reach out and you will find it. best wishes for the future

[TomShor10]

Lost my Grandad on Tuesday night, feel so lost and empty at the moment. 

[Tyna]

On 31/08/2023 at 18:34, TomShor10 said:

Lost my Grandad on Tuesday night, feel so lost and empty at the moment. 

So sorry for your loss, take care fellow red.

[BigTone]

On 31/08/2023 at 19:34, TomShor10 said:

Lost my Grandad on Tuesday night, feel so lost and empty at the moment. 

Very sorry to hear that Tom. Take care

[Guest]

On 17/08/2023 at 11:43, Crackers Corner said:

Hi all,

not sure if this is the right thread I've had a very challenging 3 years, my wife developed aggressive bone cancer in her hip in the middle of lockdown and had 2 operations to remove it as there was more found a year later. as you can imagine its taken a big toll on us both and I have struggled at times to hold everything together.  She has now been cancer free for 18 months I'm really pleased to say we had a visit last week and were told that they think its all gone and the risk of it coming back has dropped exponentially as it hadn't spread. its had a huge toll on our lives and left my with permanently disabled as a result but there finally seems to be light at the end of the tunnel.

It was great to book my remaining holiday out in weeks rather than single days for all the hospital visits. 

I have had great support from Colleagues and family and hopefully our lives can restart to some form of normality moving forward with just 6 month scans (moved from 3 monthly)

Been through simular myself, must be 4yrs back, wasnt my wife though, it was me with a Bowel Cancer Tumor, you kinda think cancer nah, it dosent really sink in.

You sort of go through the motions, more tests and then get the operation day....I knew it would be the less invaisive op "Tems" but still big risk of losing a lot of bowel and getting the dreaded bag.

All over in a day and a bit, remember going down to op and being put under....then I`m awake and franticaly searching for any evidence of a bag/stitches.....none to be found, it was all done from the inside, let out the next day and then the follow up watch every 3mths then 6mths Endoscopys, small polyps removed/Mri/CT/Blood Tests etc all good and clear to date.

Even a few weeks later with the refferal by my doc and it could have been a very different story.

It was a challenging time and a wake up call, we can only take things one day at a time, look after ourselves and hope others are there for us, when needed.

(the wife did manage to slip in bathroom and smash her eye ball on the loo brush and in the middle of covid, not easy even to get an op then, after a few ops she did lose her sight in one eye, not great but could have been worse if it had gone in further, lost confidence to drive since but as said could have been worse) keep calm carry on is all we can do.

Best wishes to you and yours and a swift return to some kind of normality.

 

[W-S-M Seagull]

I don't know why I'm writing this post really. 

I suppose I feel as if I'm someone that's okay most of the time and that I can always cope with whatever life throws at me. 

But at the moment I'm going out of my mind with worry whilst trying to put a smile on for everyone. I feel as if I don't want to worry anyone with my problems. 

Recently I was really unwell in hospital. During my stay they did a CT scan. Ive recovered from what I was in hospital so that is all good. 

However during the CT scan they found a nodule on my thyroid that measures 2.8 x 2.3 cm. The hospital sent my GP a letter asking for them to refer me for a ultrasound scan. 

This is probably the 1st time I've ever really worried about my health and I just can't stop worrying. I've got all sorts going through my mind. 

I contacted my GP today to ask if the referral had been made for the ultrasound and surprise surprise it hadn't been done which has just made me worry even more. The fact out NHS is failing worries me greatly.

When I was in hospital a few weeks back, I first presented myself at Weston hospital. After a few hours they said I needed to be transferred to the BRI. 

With a temp over 40 and a high heart rate, they told me I'd have to make my own way there. Didn't give me any medication or anything. 

I got the bus up to Bristol. When I walked into the BRI I immediately collapsed due to my high temperature. The notes Weston had sent me with were not worth the paper they were written on. 

My stay in the BRI wasn't pleasant either. Constantly moved around. Staff very rude and lacking any bedside manner and uninformative. 

I just needed to get all that off my chest really. 

 

[Mattredrobin]

On 06/09/2023 at 04:01, W-S-M Seagull said:

I don't know why I'm writing this post really. 

I suppose I feel as if I'm someone that's okay most of the time and that I can always cope with whatever life throws at me. 

But at the moment I'm going out of my mind with worry whilst trying to put a smile on for everyone. I feel as if I don't want to worry anyone with my problems. 

Recently I was really unwell in hospital. During my stay they did a CT scan. Ive recovered from what I was in hospital so that is all good. 

However during the CT scan they found a nodule on my thyroid that measures 2.8 x 2.3 cm. The hospital sent my GP a letter asking for them to refer me for a ultrasound scan. 

This is probably the 1st time I've ever really worried about my health and I just can't stop worrying. I've got all sorts going through my mind. 

I contacted my GP today to ask if the referral had been made for the ultrasound and surprise surprise it hadn't been done which has just made me worry even more. The fact out NHS is failing worries me greatly.

When I was in hospital a few weeks back, I first presented myself at Weston hospital. After a few hours they said I needed to be transferred to the BRI. 

With a temp over 40 and a high heart rate, they told me I'd have to make my own way there. Didn't give me any medication or anything. 

I got the bus up to Bristol. When I walked into the BRI I immediately collapsed due to my high temperature. The notes Weston had sent me with were not worth the paper they were written on. 

My stay in the BRI wasn't pleasant either. Constantly moved around. Staff very rude and lacking any bedside manner and uninformative. 

I just needed to get all that off my chest really. 

 

Ah shit man sounds like a really rough time, I notice at the top you said you don't know why your writing this, well without realising you've done the best thing because you've got it off your chest, I had a visit to hospital a few years back, that was a pretty scary time I caught sepsis, that was the 1st time I'd ever worried about my health too. 

I think it's a perfectly reasonable reaction that you are worrying. Obviously I don't know fully what you're worrying about. Have you anyone you can really trust that you can speak too and just explain that you don't need advice or suggestions but you need to get it out, I find when I share problems or my thoughts people try to do that with me and it makes me not want to talk about it.

The NHS is really shit atm clearly. And it's awful you've had that experience like that I was in weston general for a couple of nights ( I've moved back to Bristol now)  and the staff were very nice, but that was just after covid, I can imagine things aren't good in there. 

Always here if you need a chat buddy 

[Guest]

On 06/09/2023 at 04:01, W-S-M Seagull said:

I don't know why I'm writing this post really. 

I suppose I feel as if I'm someone that's okay most of the time and that I can always cope with whatever life throws at me. 

But at the moment I'm going out of my mind with worry whilst trying to put a smile on for everyone. I feel as if I don't want to worry anyone with my problems. 

Recently I was really unwell in hospital. During my stay they did a CT scan. Ive recovered from what I was in hospital so that is all good. 

However during the CT scan they found a nodule on my thyroid that measures 2.8 x 2.3 cm. The hospital sent my GP a letter asking for them to refer me for a ultrasound scan. 

This is probably the 1st time I've ever really worried about my health and I just can't stop worrying. I've got all sorts going through my mind. 

I contacted my GP today to ask if the referral had been made for the ultrasound and surprise surprise it hadn't been done which has just made me worry even more. The fact out NHS is failing worries me greatly.

When I was in hospital a few weeks back, I first presented myself at Weston hospital. After a few hours they said I needed to be transferred to the BRI. 

With a temp over 40 and a high heart rate, they told me I'd have to make my own way there. Didn't give me any medication or anything. 

I got the bus up to Bristol. When I walked into the BRI I immediately collapsed due to my high temperature. The notes Weston had sent me with were not worth the paper they were written on. 

My stay in the BRI wasn't pleasant either. Constantly moved around. Staff very rude and lacking any bedside manner and uninformative. 

I just needed to get all that off my chest really. 

 

All I  can say really is keep chasing GP, Hospital or who ever and find out who`s not doing what they should be.

Its your health life; dont know about the ultrasound scan for that end but "down below" it takes a few mins (I`ve had many) and you should be told straight away. My GP undoubtedly saved my life with his refferral for an endoscopy and op that followed and then my growth/noddle polyp was found early enough to sort.

It maybe nothing and probably is but kick butt and find out today. DO NOT STOP UNTIL YOU GET AN ANSWER

Edited September 11, 2023 by wtf

[myol'man]

It will be exactly a year to the day on Tuesday that my wonderful wife took her own life. She was suffering with a physical condition that wasn't being dealt with. Her inquest is soon, we'll find out more then.

Sometimes, I barely get through the day, some days I'm ok. 

If you know me & see me at the Plymouth match and I'm looking fine, it's just a front.

Ask how I'm doing, it all helps

Sid 

[myol'man]

On 17/09/2023 at 09:12, myol'man said:

It will be exactly a year to the day on Tuesday that my wonderful wife took her own life. She was suffering with a physical condition that wasn't being dealt with. Her inquest is soon, we'll find out more then.

Sometimes, I barely get through the day, some days I'm ok. 

If you know me & see me at the Plymouth match and I'm looking fine, it's just a front.

Ask how I'm doing, it all helps

Sid 

Here's a photo of Elaine when we worked together at Ashton Gate ️

[Guest]

On 17/09/2023 at 09:12, myol'man said:

It will be exactly a year to the day on Tuesday that my wonderful wife took her own life. She was suffering with a physical condition that wasn't being dealt with. Her inquest is soon, we'll find out more then.

Sometimes, I barely get through the day, some days I'm ok. 

If you know me & see me at the Plymouth match and I'm looking fine, it's just a front.

Ask how I'm doing, it all helps

Sid 

Wow that really must be a tough call, cannot imagine how I would cope in the same situation, time as they say will heal the pain as time passes but the hurt must be massive, please stay strong and keep on, one day at a time its all we can all do.

Really best wishes for the future Sid, thoughts with you.

[phantom]

EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide.

It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society - from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.

And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.

Yet it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.

Let's all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others... You're Not Alone.If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:

CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858

Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk

Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393

Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41

Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123

Movember, www.uk.movember.com

Anxiety UK www.anxietyuk.org.uk, 03444 775 774 Monday-Friday 9.30am-10pm, Saturday/Sunday 10am-8pm